Stigma
by Boyue
Summary: Being a mob boss is hard. It's even harder when you didn't want the job. Gaara has to be extremely careful about what he does with whom and makes the right choices to protect his family. One wrong move and blood will be spilled. -Crime/Gaalee- COMPLETE!
1. Uno

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I- S-S-I-N-G.**

**Gaara's POV. **

**Certain chapters will be rated M for violence, sexual content, adult language, drugs and alcohol reference, death, and everything you'd expect from a story about the mob.**

**This chapter is dedicated to KakaIru, who makes me want to keep writing LeeGaaLee.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Uno**

I was born into a complicated world. My father was the Kazekage, the head of one of the most powerful mob families in the world. My family had ruled the desert city of Suna for decades with an unfaltering fist. Growing up in a mob world took exceptional survival skill. At my third birthday, I survived my first assassination attempt. A man whose name I couldn't remember anymore took a bullet to the head to save my life. Before I entered first grade, I had already known betrayal and its subsequent price. By the time I was six, I had adopted hatred as my only emotion and learned to only love myself.

Before she died giving birth to me, my mother gave the family a total of one daughter and two sons. My eldest sister, Temari, was ambitious and strong-willed. She had a clear head and understood the importance of diplomacy. She was flexible, knowing when to advance and when to retreat. Needless to say, she was the favorite of the house. But she was a woman, so she was considered unfit to be the head. No man was going to listen to her no matter how good she would be at the job. The mob world was a sexist one.

My older brother, Kankuro, was a rebel. He had no interest in the family business and preferred to spend his days a vagabond. He was a womanizer, bringing home different girls at different hours. On top of that, he had a short temper and had real difficulties obeying authorities. A person like him couldn't get others to work for him.

That left me, the youngest, for my father to choose. My relationship with my father was shaky at best. We didn't really acknowledge ourselves as father and son. We didn't look at each other when we crossed path in the house. I ignored questions that he asked, and if I did respond, my answers were bitter and venomous. Despite the private grudge, it was agreed amongst his men that I was the best candidate. I was calm under pressure and intelligent. I was persuasive and could get people to do what I want. I was charismatic and possessed excellent leadership ability. Best of all, our people respected and feared me. And respect and fear was a deadly combination.

When I was told that I would one day become the next head of the family, I didn't want the responsibility. I was only nineteen years old then and wanted to have my own life. Such a choice was impossible, my father told me. This was the destiny I was born with.

He didn't know that I didn't believe in destiny.

**--**

I was twenty-two when I had grown to anticipate the inevitable day of my inauguration. Everyone was on high alert ever since my father was nearly shot dead. In the past weeks, his right-hand-man, Baki, had been teaching me the tricks of the trade. Baki wanted me to be ready in case my father did get whacked. In our world, one must always be ready for the worst.

I was not ready when the worst came out of the left field and attacked me. I didn't expect anything like it. The worst thing that ever happened to me was a guy named Rock Lee.

I went to visit my father under the order of Temari. I was coming out of my father's room when I saw him. He was wearing a green jumpsuit and orange-brown shoes. If it weren't for the volunteer I.D. badge around his neck, I would've thought he was the janitor. He was taller than me by a few inches and had a bigger built. He saw me staring at him and actually had the nerves to come up to me.

"Do you need help?" He spoke to me like I was a lost child.

I scoffed and walked away. If he knew who I was, he wouldn't have spoken to me that way. Instead of leaving the hospital, I sat down on one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs and watched him. He ran errands around the hospital and brought trays of food to the patient's rooms. I watched him soothed a crying girl who was separated from her mother. He was running non-stop while the nurses chit-chatted amongst themselves. He finally stopped to fill out some paperwork by the nurse station. Even after a tedious day, he stood with a straight back and perfect posture. I didn't know why I felt attracted to him. He was not a handsome person and was in desperate need of fashion advice. But he emitted an aura that was mesmerizing. It made me wanted to get close. He sucked me in like a black hole.

"May I help you?" His voice was polite and confident.

I was straightforward and didn't go around in circles. I asked him out on the spot. He blinked at me like I just spoke in a different language. It was a bold move on my part. He might not even be into men, let alone let a stranger take him out. But after looking at me for a moment, a smile crept up his lips and he gave me his number. I found his eyes to be his most attractive features. His round orbs, dark as the depth of night, pierced right through my soul. I had to look away or I felt he was going to rip me apart.

On our first date, I found out that he actually lived in the next city over. He used to volunteer at the Konoha hospital but wanted a change of pace, so he switched to ours. When I asked him if he liked Konoha or Suna better, he smiled politely and said he liked both. He dropped out of college and was working at a local gym as a trainer. He didn't have a clear idea of what he wanted to do with his life; he was only working there because his former soccer coach gave him a good referral. I did most of the listening. There weren't many things I could say about myself without revealing my family background. At the end of our date I found him likeable enough to ask him out on a second date. He agreed without hesitation.

Lee was a modest person who held himself to high moral standards. I had never heard him use a curse word or say anything negative about someone. It wasn't until our fourth date that he let me held his hand. Our sixth was when he let me kissed him on the cheek. I didn't mind that it was taking me so long to get close to him. I found his shyness enjoyable and challenging and I loved a good challenge. I was a firm believer in the saying, "Nothing in the world that's worth having comes easy".

Two and a half months after we started going out, we finally kissed on the lips on our seventh date. We were in the movie theatre, waiting for the film to start. Lee was the one who made the move. His lips were soft and the first contact was short and shy. In the dark theatre, I didn't see it coming. I was shocked and surprised, so I didn't respond immediately. He tensed, as if he thought that I hadn't been aching to kiss him. I felt him pulling away. I grabbed him by the back of his neck, and our lips crashed. I pried his mouth open. Our tongues massaged each other. For someone who had never been in a relationship before, Lee was an exceptional kisser. I put a hand under his shirt and felt up his abdomen. As a trainer, Lee had a rock hard body that I was yearning to have pressed against mine. He broke the kiss, pushing my hand out of his shirt. He wasn't ready to go that far, especially not in public. We caught our breaths. His cheeks were pink and he kept a content smile on his face. We watched the movie, holding hands throughout.

I walked him across town back to his apartment in Konoha. We exchanged a good night kiss and made plans for our eighth date. I called the driver to pick up me two blocks down the street. I didn't want Lee to know what I did (though at that time, I wasn't in the business yet). As I waited for the limo to come, I found myself keep staring at the direction of Lee's apartment. I could still taste him on my lips. I had an overwhelming urge to see his face and his huge grin even though I had only left for ten minutes.

I realized then that I had fallen hard for him. And that was when my troubles began. On the ride back to Suna, Temari called. She was crying.

My father had been murdered.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: First time writing in first person. Hope it was decent.**

**11.07.08**

**11:35 PM**


	2. Due

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I- S-S-I-N-G.**

**Gaara's POV. **

**Certain chapters will be r****ated M for violence, sexual content, adult language, drugs and alcohol reference, death, and everything you'd expect from a story about the mob.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Due**

My father had been murdered. An assassin of high skills had snuck past the tight security around his hospital room and stabbed him to death. I saw the wounds myself and knew that my father died a painful death. Though we weren't close at all, he was still my father. I was raised on his bread and money. Tradition and parental bond dictated that I sought revenge. When I arrived at the hospital, Temari and Kankuro were in the room with him. Baki was outside waiting. He gave me an overview of what happened. The only one who had been inside the room was a nurse who came to check-up on my father. She was not suspicious and I had no reason to interrogate her.

"Go see your father, pay your respect. You're going to be a different man now." Baki escorted me into the room.

Temari was sobbing on top of my father. Her make-up was completely ruined. She could barely speak. She had been crying so hard that her voice was raspy. I could see that Kankuro was shaken but he kept his emotions under control. I was the calmest person in the room. Temari got off her knees and staggered toward me. I caught her in my arms. She gripped my shoulders hard. I had never seen my sister in such a horrid state. Then again, we hadn't lost anyone in the family in a while.

"You must avenge Father, you hear me? You must."

"I'll take care of everything." It was the only solace I would provide her.

She pressed a kiss on my forehead then left the room with Kankuro. I took a long look at my father. It was a shame that his life ended so soon; he was only fifty. But our world was an unpredictable one. The moment you let your guard down you were in for a wild ride. I didn't say anything to him, didn't reconcile, didn't make him a grand promise. I only told him (and myself) that I hoped I would be able to run the family half as well as he did.

We tried to keep the funeral small and quiet, but many showed up to pay their respect. They mourned the loss of their beloved Kazekage. Some predicted that Suna was doomed in my hands. I didn't disagree with them. I knew that I wasn't ready to take on the role as the Kage of Suna. There were many things I had not come to comprehend. Many people I had not established rapport with. I was nothing, a mere grain of sand in the mob world.

I knew I needed to earn my status. But I didn't know how.

**--**

After the funeral, I skipped the wake and had the driver take me to Konoha. I needed to see Lee. His smile would make me feel better about the life I was abruptly thrust into. I didn't tell him I was coming. I simply showed up at his door. Luckily, he was at home. He was very surprised to see me and was even a little offended. Lee was the type who liked people to call before they showed up at his house. I explained to him what happened and where I came from. My full black suit wasn't enough of a giveaway to Lee's naive mind.

"I am very sorry for your loss."

"You can make me feel better."

I leaned over and more or less saddled myself on him. He was reluctant at first, making excuses of how he hadn't showered this morning or how his appearance was unpresentable. I didn't give a damn about those things. I only wanted him to comfort me. I could force myself on him if I wanted to, but instead, I took the emotional path.

"I could really use some help."

Lee softened. He was a compassionate person and had a soft spot for anyone who came crawling for help. We stayed on the couch and kissed till our faces were sore. He even let me feel him up. I rubbed his nipples until they were hard. He let out a few moans but asked me very kindly to stop. He didn't want to go that far yet. I respected his wish; I had no intention of driving him away. I was the one who actually ended our heated kissing session. I was getting horny and knew that if I were to kiss him for two more seconds, I would jump on him and strip his clothes. It didn't help that my phone had been vibrating in my pants pocket for the past five minutes.

"Let me know if you need anything." Lee showed me to the door and we exchanged one last kiss before I went on my way.

I had five missed calls from Baki and two from Kankuro. I walked down the blocks to the usual destination. After I called the driver to pick me up, I returned Baki's calls.

"Where the hell are you? We found something about the bastard that killed your dad."

"Who?"

"Come home and I'll let you know all about it."

**--**

"Gaara, you ain't a kid anymore, 'aight? You are the Kazekage now. You can't go running around anywhere you like. You got responsibilities. You got lives on your hands and enemies after your head. You gotta be smart. Be safe. If you die, who's gonna be the next head? You hear me?"

I half-smiled at the lecture that Kankuro was giving me. Of all people, he was the last one who should be giving me that kind of talk. It seemed after our father's death, he had a change of heart and wanted to take part in the family business. I only nodded at my older brother; there was no point in debasing him. He and I got along well. He would be useful in my regime.

"The bastard's name is Orochimaru." Baki showed me a picture of the man. "He used to be one of the Hokage's men but defected a while back."

Orochimaru was unpleasant to look at. His skin was white like ash and his lips were chapped. I suspected it was the result of a drug addiction. I had seen a few cocaine addicts around town. Orochimaru looked just like them, except he had a look full of smug. "A rouge. Why was he after my father?"

"It looks like he started his own thing over in Oto. Wanted to expand his turf, heard the news that Dad was down, and BAM, came and took him down."

"What do we do?" I honestly had no idea what to do. As the head, I was expected to make decision and give out orders. But as I had no previous experience in dealing with the business, I could only rely on Baki to guide me.

"Normally I would suggest we strike, but we're at a disadvantage here. You're a rookie. You know nothing about how the underworld works. The men, they love you, but they still think you're a kid. They won't listen."

"How do I make them listen?"

"Well, you gotta earn their respect." Kankuro lit a cigarette and blew the smoke near my face.

"I thought I had that already."

"That was different. You were the boss' son then, now _you_ are the boss. It's a whole different ball park," Baki explained.

"Tell me straight to the point: What do I need to do?"

Baki and Kankuro looked at each other. They had considered it thoroughly before I arrived. Kankuro took a long hit of his cigarette and blew the smoke out from his nose. "You gotta take down this Orochi asswipe yourself. Prove to the boys that you got what it takes."

They wanted me to kill a man. On the theoretical level, I had no problem taking down my father's murderer. On the practical level, I was scared shitless and didn't know if I had it in me to take a life. I had thought about killing, as most people did at one point or another. But when it came down to it, I doubted my ability to blow someone's brain out. The blood would be a mess to deal with.

"If you do this, you're in."

We sat in the basement of the house in silence. Kankuro finished his cigarette and lit another one. Baki smoked one to pass the time. I didn't smoke. There were many external forces that could end me; I didn't need to give myself cancer. I looked at the picture of the bastard. I wanted to smash his smug face in. But it was just a picture. When I came face-to-face with the breathing, living person, I wouldn't know what to do. I wondered if the lack of paternal love contributed to my unenthusiastic will to kill Orochimaru. Revenging my father was a chore, and I, still a kid, didn't want to do it.

"Gaara, you gotta," Kankuro urged.

I convinced myself that I wouldn't do it to avenge my father. I would do it to establish my name in the underworld. I would do it for the benefit of Suna. I would do it for Temari. I would do it for Kankuro. I would do it for myself.

"Make the arrangement," I told Baki. "Have everything ready for me."

**--**

**Boyue's Note: I try to make the characters talk like mobsters, but not being in the mob, I'm not sure if that's how they talk. Heehee. The only gangster movie I've watched is ****The Godfather**** so I based many things/knowledge from it.**

**Reviews will make Boyue a happy panda!**

**11.09.08**

**2:10 AM**


	3. Tre

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Tre**

My father had been murdered and I had, against my wish, become the new head of our family. For my first act as the new Kazekage, I was to avenge my father by killing the man responsible for his death: Orochimaru. It was believed that by killing my father's murderer, I could subsequently establish my status in Suna. With blood on my hands was the only way to be acknowledged in the underworld. For outsiders, our world might look to be filled with lies and deception. But there were strict rules governing the families. There were procedures and regulations. We had established laws to maintain order. To be a respected family, one must play by those rules. Suna had a reputation to uphold. I was not to fall to the sneaky rank of Orochimaru.

We had, as regulations dictated, attempted to schedule a meeting with Orochimaru. Before we received a reply from him, news from Konoha hit us. The old man Hokage had been killed and Orochimaru was once again responsible. The Hokage of Konoha had been in power long before I was born. He was a respectable man who kept his hands clean as much as possible for a mob boss. It was a shame that a traitor did him in.

In addition to balancing the power by damaging Konoha and Suna, it seemed Orochimaru had bore a grudge against his former Kage. Our sources informed us that Orochimaru had wanted the position as head and he was quickly rejected by the Hokage. Konoha functioned a little differently than us. The head of our family was passed down in lineage as much as possible. In Konoha, the most capable one was elected as the next head, regardless of if the current head had children or not. In that sense, they were not technically a family as blood was unimportant in the transfer of power. They believed in bonds, an idea that was ludicrous to Suna. We were very protective of our blood while they believed in democratic election. The sudden assassination of the Hokage, as a result, left Konoha in chaos and completely vulnerable to attacks. Our cities were not allies. If it weren't for my weak stature, Baki would've advised me to launch an assault on our neighbor. Now, we were forced to bond together to withstand whatever Orochimaru had planned under his sleeves.

My meeting with him was thus cancelled. For one, it was simply too dangerous for me to meet him. I would be a lamb put in front of a very hungry tiger. With me gone, Kankuro would be the next in line to take over. As much as I hated to admit, the family would end in his hands. Killing Orochimaru was to be put in the backseat. My road to the top must take a detour. But these were the least of my worries. Before, I was merely the son of a mob boss and was considered a "civilian". I was off-limit, uninvolved in the dealings of the underworld. Now, I was the primary target and perpetrator. I was marked and my moves were closely monitored. It would be a foolish risk to venture into enemy territories.

To put it simply, it would get difficult for me to see Lee.

Fortunately in this time of misfortunes, Lee lived fairly to the border of Konoha and Suna. The Hokage liked to centralize his people. The outskirt was under light surveillance. I could move in and out without rousing an alert. And if something were to happen, I would be able to return to Suna in minutes. Thus it wasn't Konoha's people that I was worried about; it was my own. Baki had been suspicious of my whereabouts. I didn't blame him for being concerned as I did carry a lot of lives on my back. But I would appreciate it if he respected my private life.

Ebizo had been my personal chauffeur since I was a toddler. He was in his late-sixties, had a strange sense of humor, and was loyal as a dog. He had the features of a kind grandfather but always looked half-asleep. I didn't go through any elaborate mean of hiding the fact that I was seeing someone, but he was keeping my frequent visit to Konoha quiet.

"You are a good man. I'm glad to have you."

"Why, thank you, Sir. It's an honor to work for you."

"I appreciate you keeping my visits a private matter."

"Well, I don't see how that's anyone's business but yours. But if you don't mind an old fool rambling, Sir, please cut down on these trips. Things, they have changed."

"I understand that. I will be careful."

Ebizo pulled the limo to the curb and dropped me off. I waited until he drove off before walking the two blocks to Lee's apartment. It had only been a week since I last saw him after my father's funeral. I could not put into words how much I had missed him. How much, in the middle of the night, I wished to have him in my arms, and to wake up to see his smile. He had taken over me and I had gladly accepted to be his.

When he opened the door, I had to control myself from kissing his face off. In an effect to help me grieve, Lee had invited me over for a home-cook dinner.

"I am not a great cook, so please bear with me." Any food he cooked me would taste like ambrosia.

I followed him into the kitchen. While he chopped carrots and celeries into cube, I wrapped my arms around his waist and planted kisses on his neck.

"Gaara, stop. I need to concentrate and not cut off a finger." He chuckled and nudged me away.

Lee returned his attention to the vegetables. I kept my arms around him, pulling him close without distracting him. He was taller than me by a few inches that my head rested perfectly on his shoulder. We stood in comfortable silence. Once he was done with chopping, he moved to work on the steaks for tonight. He marinated the meat and tenderized them with his fingers. A method that he claimed was the best.

"They are ready." He walked to the sink to wash his hands, juiced in marinade and seasonings.

I blocked his way to the sink. I took his finger in my hand and put it in my mouth. His face went red instantaneously and he tried to take his digit back.

"Gaara! What are you doing…? It is not sanitized."

"It tastes good."

I traced my tongue up and down his index finger. Then I took two more fingers into my mouth. Lee was obviously flustered, but he didn't stop me. I sucked on his marinated fingers until the taste was gone and his digits wet with my saliva. I let go of his hand and pulled his mouth to my own. The first contact was deep, and I felt like I could swallow him whole. We interchanged between long and short, deep and swallow kisses. He gripped my shirt collar with one hand, his other dangled in midair. I had my hand behind his neck, pulling him closer toward me. My other hand was slyly finding its way to Lee's firm end. He let out a small whimper when I squeezed him. I grinded up against him, temporarily satisfying my rising need. Lee, as expected, broke the kiss and took a step back. His lips were swollen from our heated kisses.

"The broth is ready. I have to put the vegetables in." He escaped from my arms, washed his hands, and tended to the boiling pot.

I would not pressure him. I had urges that needed to be gratified, but I would not do anything drastic until Lee was ready. I would wait as long as it takes. After all, I did plan to spend the rest of my life with him. I was lucky enough to find that my body had not responded to the point where my desire was visible.

A knock on the door distracted Lee from putting the carrots into the broth. We both frowned, obviously not expecting anyone to interrupt our date.

"Gaara, will you please put the celeries in? I will answer the door." He wiped his hands and walked out of the kitchen.

I did as he wished. I even gave the broth a good stir. Orange and green cubes swam through the pool of golden liquid. Lee returned a moment later, standing at the entryway between the living room and the kitchen.

"There is…someone here to see you."

I knew I was in trouble. Now all I had to find out was if it was a friend or a foe at the door. I stepped out of the kitchen with Lee beside me. Baki was standing next to the couch and he looked furious.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: Thank you for your lovely reviews! They fill my day with fuzzy joy. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry to say that I won't be updating as frequent since I have to tend to my schoolwork.**

**Please review and stay tune!**

**11.11.08**

**3:01 AM**


	4. Quattro

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Quattro**

It wasn't difficult to figure why Baki had shown up at Lee's door. I had no reason to believe that Ebizo betrayed our understanding. Baki was an alert man and he had been suspicious of my whereabouts lately. He excused us from Lee and we went downstairs. His car was pulled to the curb. He opened the door to the backseat and ushered me in. I was reluctant to leave without at least giving Lee a proper good-bye. When I protested and refused to get inside the car, Baki simply shoved me in and slammed the door. I could've gotten out if I wanted to, but I understood why he was so concerned. We were in enemy's territory and with the absence of a Hokage, Konoha was in high alert. My visit, however innocent it was, was a threat. Baki stepped hard on the gas pedal and the car sped off back to Suna. I took out my phone to call Lee. Baki braked to reach over and yank the phone out from my hand. He threw it out the window before speeding away again.

I kept my eyes at the direction of Lee's apartment. I wouldn't see him for a long while.

My brief absence went unnoticed in Suna. When we arrived at home, Kankuro was talking vulgarly with his associate about a prostitute he hired last night. The only thing that caught my attention in their conversation was that she was a blonde girl from Konoha. It seemed we shared a similar taste. Konoha people were a different breed than us. There was a hint of grace and elegance about them. Our differences were obvious in the landscape of our cities. Konoha was luscious and bustling while Suna was barren and gloomy. If Konoha was Heaven, then Suna was surely Hell.

Baki and I went to my office. He sat on the lounge chair and lit a cigarette. He was calm and aloof, which made him more frightening. He gestured for me to take my seat, as if he was the boss and I was the mischievous underling. I sat on the executive leather chair that smelled faintly like my father. Baki smothered the smoke in the ashtray and cleared his throat.

"I'm not going tell you what you already know."

Good. I wasn't in the mood for another lengthy lecture about the dangers surrounding me. Baki went to the bar cabinet and poured himself a glass of whiskey. He didn't bother offering me a glass since he knew I didn't drink. He sat back down and placed the glass on the desk. He heaved a sigh and looked at me with disappointment.

"I don't know why you keep seeing that person." There was a hint of speculation in his tone. "But I hope for both of your sake that you realize if your enemies find out about him, what they will do."

I didn't. I didn't realize that I was putting Lee's life in danger by seeing him in Konoha. Now I understood what Kankuro meant when he said, "You can fuck all the Konoha women you want, so long you marry a Suna one." We could protect the ones we love as long as we were in our territory. The problem came when borders were crossed. All is, after all, fair in love and war.

"You are strong, you can survive a broken leg or arm, but can you survive a broken heart?" He leaned over the desk and patted me on the shoulder. "Don't put yourself through that kind of shit." He gulped down the whiskey and left me to think.

I couldn't tell if it was better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all. All I knew, at that moment, was that asking me not to see Lee anymore was impossible. I could survive broken bones, but my already shattered heart could not bear more damage. Despite my devotion, I knew I couldn't abandon my family and elope with Lee. I had more sense that to betray them.

The solution I needed came quickly. If I couldn't go to Lee, then I would bring him to me.

**--**

That night, Temari had the chef prepared a lavish meal. She had invited a guest over for dinner and wanted the family to look the best. Her guest was a young lady named Matsuri, whom I apparently went to college with. She was petite with a soft face that wasn't too pretty or too plain. She wore a nicely-fit grey dress that flattered her frame. She wasn't particularly a shy girl but didn't talk out of turn. Kankuro tried to hit on her a few times; the man was a hound dog. Temari barked at him to behave. Matsuri only smiled politely and complimented on the food and our house.

Temari was a woman that spoke her mind and liked others knowing what she was thinking. Throughout dinner, she praised Matsuri and asked her to talk about her achievement in college and her goal for the future. Matsuri's dream was to start her own fashion line and Temari was interested in working with her. What my dear sister was more interested in, and that she made no attempt to hide it, was what I thought of her guest. It wasn't long before we all caught onto what she was getting at. The women in the house had an obsession with continuing the family line.

After dinner, I was obliged to entertain Masturi under the instruction of Temari. We had a cup of coffee in the lounge room. I found her to be a good companion: bright, confident, and refined. We talked about our college days and the strange spectrum of professors the university had. The conversation soon led to her past relationships with troubled boyfriends. I had little to offer in that field. The only person I had been with was Lee, and I was certain he was my soulmate.

"I just…I just wish there was someone out there who understands what I'm about. You know what I mean? I want to be appreciated; I don't want to be babied like I'm a five year old."

"I'm sure you will find him. You are a wonderful person and you deserve the best."

Matsuri pushed her hair behind her ear and looked away coyly with a bashful smile on her face. I hadn't intended to flirt with her, but that was how she took it.

"Thanks, that means a lot coming from you."

When our coffees were cold and our conversation dwindled down, Temari returned to take Matsuri home. She thanked me for a wonderful time and hoped to see me again in the future. Knowing what Temari was up to, I was sure we would meet again. I went to my room and prepared for the night. I had wanted to call Lee, but I only saved his number in my phone, which was lying broken on a street in Konoha. But since he volunteered at the hospital, I knew I would be able to get his contact information from them. I just had to be patient and waited until Baki lowered his guard. He struck me as the kind of men who would do whatever necessary to protect the good of Suna.

I was reading the newspapers to catch up on the day's events when Temari knocked on my door. Her presence in my room brought back fond memories. When I was a child, Temari would periodically visit me at night to tug me in bed. Sometimes, she would recite a bedtime story that our mother told her from her memory. Her stories were usually jumbled with little plot structure, but I loved listening to them just the same. In her stories, the children rarely had both parents and relied heavily on their siblings support. I used to believe that hers were the real version, but later I realized that she had altered them to comfort me. And because of that, Temari was the only woman I had ever loved.

She walked toward my bed and took a seat on the edge, like the way she used to when she snuck in at night. She didn't go around in circles and went straight to the point. "Matsuri will make a good wife, don't you think?"

My only answer was silence.

"I know you think you're too young to get married, but Gaara, you know how it is. The earlier you settle down the better. There is no telling what'll happen in the future."

"You're afraid I will die."

"I _know_ you'll die, but I hope it'll only be after you've lived a fulfilling life with your wife and children."

I hadn't prepared myself to break the news to Temari. I figured from my lack of interest in relationships and women that she would get the hint. But very often, we choose to believe only those that please us. Temari was in a delusion and it was my duty to wake her from it. There was no point in embellishing the ugly truth; it would only further the damage. I took her hand in mine. Her skin was soft, the result of not having to work a day in her life and expensive lotion.

"Temari, I'm already in love with someone."

"Really? Who? Why haven't you told me about her?" The thrill in her face was almost unbearable to look at. I prepared to stab the knife through her heart.

"I'm in love with a man. His name is Rock Lee. I met him at the hospital four months ago."

If someone had recorded the moment, I could pinpoint the second Temari's world got blown apart. Her jaw dropped. The previous excitement in her eyes vanished, like ice dipped in scolding water. A word lodged in her throat. Her fingers tensed.

"Oh." She pulled her hand away. "That's nice. Good for you, Gaara." She stood up from the bed and backed away.

Out of Temari, Kankuro, and my father, I had expected Temari to welcome my lifestyle choice the most. I had expected her to take the softest blow if she rejected it. But I knew now I was wrong to expect her to understand. She looked as if she had just discovered a bloody corpse in the house: speechless, unfocused, and utterly disgusted.

"I-I… Good. Good night." She headed for the door and disappeared from my sight. The door slammed hard behind her.

I could only hope that she would learn to accept me. I had no intention of coming out to Kankuro; I could imagine his reaction and didn't ever want it to materialize. The men didn't need to know it either. If people were to find out my sexuality, Suna and I would be the laughing stock of the underworld. I had already embarrassed my family enough by not pursuing after Orochimaru; they didn't need to know that I planned to spend my life with another man. I turned off the light and tried to sleep. I wondered what Lee was doing. I wondered if my mother would mind that I loved an man. I already knew that my father would be sorely disappointed and furious if he was still alive. Or perhaps, he was rolling in his grave.

Amidst the chaos of the day, I suddenly remembered that I hadn't called Ebizo. I hoped he wasn't still waiting around the block to pick me up.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: Since Gaara's world is full of bloodshed and violence, I decide to illustrate his relationship with Lee in a more positive light to show that Lee is pretty much the only beautiful thing in his life. So, please, excuse the fluff.**

**Reviews are much loved. **

**11.16.08**

**2.16 AM**


	5. Cinque

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Cinque**

Two months after I took over for my father, we suffered our first loss. Kankuro and I were in the office discussing expansion of our business. Our biggest income was the export of drugs. Our biggest seller, by far, was a highly-addictive powder grinded from the roots of a desert flower. As such, the drug's street name known was as "Desert Rose". One smell of the Rose, and you would be hooked forever. For that reason, my father went through great length to prevent any of his underlings to indulge in it. Since it was made from plants, our number-one seller was a seasonal one. We were in the dry season and Kankuro wanted to secure an alternative source of income. My brother, being who he was, proposed a prostitution ring with him as the helm. His reasoning, aside from the obvious one, was that it was a mean of expanding our league and protecting the girls who had to provide such service to sustain a living. I would've had much prefer to keep the family business pristine. Though he did point out a common problem the working girls faced in Suna: there were many customers and some of them weren't very nice people. I had heard, every now and then, about poor girls who were murdered.

"See, if we do this, we'd get more ears and we'd be watching out for them."

"I would like to hear Baki's opinion before we proceed with anything." Baki was our consigliore; it was his duty to make sure we do not make any mistake.

As if he heard us speaking of him, Baki entered the office with a grim face. Immediately, I knew that he came bearing bad news, and I was dead right. He didn't say much, only that there was something we needed to see. Kankuro and I followed him to the basement without a word.

In the basement, there was a room that was designated to temporarily house our fallen comrades. Depending on what he was involved with previous to his untimely doom, there was often little chance of sending him to a hospital. We brought them here to eliminate any evidence that would point fingers at us. Sometimes, the corpses brought here were unlucky ones who were taken by surprise. This was such a case.

Death had an indescribable scent; one that you would know right off when you encounter it. Besides from the three of us, there were two more bodies in the room. One of them was Yura, a trusted associate of Kankuro. The other one was Ebizo. He was lying on the metal table. Half of his skull was gone, blown away possibly by bullets. I was the only one who gagged at the sight of what used to be his brain. Kankuro had his hand over his mouth and nose. Ebizo was stripped naked and deep cuts covered his torso. His genital was mutilated and a few fingernails were missing.

"Konoha did this." Baki looked to me, silently blaming me. "A warning."

"What was the damn ol' man doing in Konoha?" Kankuro asked.

Yura looked about to say something, but Baki raised a finger to silence him. He walked around the table and pulled the sheet over Ebizo's body. He lowered his head and whispered a short prayer. I joined him to say my final words. Nothing came to mind, except that I was deeply, deeply sorry. My recklessness had caused him his life; Ebizo was close to seventies, he should've gone in peace, not as a casualty. Baki stared me, expecting me to take the lead. He knew that Ebizo and I had a close relationship. Ebizo was the closest thing I had to a grandfather; he offered the paternal guidance that I lacked from my own father. In a way, his blood was on my hands. The guilt seizing my senses was overwhelming. For a moment, I thought I was going to break out in tears.

"Baki, I want you to take care of Ebizo. Fix him up as much as possible. Give him a proper funeral and the best resting place. Give Chiyo our condolences and anything she needs. Do not let her know what happened to her brother."The words sounded so distantly that I didn't really think I was the one speaking them.

Baki nodded with a trace of pride in his expression. Kankuro had Yura to the corner of the room and the two were conversing in whispers. Kankuro was most likely pressing Yura for more details. I had to stop him before he found out too much.

"Kankuro." It got his attention. "I need to you to arrange a meeting for me."

"With who?"

"Whoever is in charge of Konoha. An innocent life was taken. I demand retribution."

"You got it, bro." Kankuro left the basement after he paid his respect to Ebizo.

After Baki and Yura left for their respective duties, I stayed behind. Someone very dear to me once told me, "There is no medicine for a wounded heart and sometimes it never heals". His words made up my one and only truth. I highly doubted that I could ever get over Ebizo's death or the guilt associated with it. I could wash and wash but his blood would remain on my hands.

What sickened me the most was that, in the short thirty minutes I spent in the room, I was growing accustomed to the smell of death.

**--**

The chaos that plagued Konoha was settled when they finally found the next Hokage. Tsunade was a woman in her fifties that looked only a few years older than Temari. I had my doubt of a woman running Konoha, but Tsunade's spirit was like the flames of hell. It was no wonder that she was unanimously elected. Three days after her inauguration, Tsunade agreed to meet to discuss the unfortunate loss of Ebizo. We arranged to meet in a restaurant in Suna, each side would only take two people.

Baki and Kankuro were my choice. Tsunade took two girls by the names of Shizune and Sakura. I didn't have much of an opinion of them, only that they both looked fatally dangerous. The purpose of the meeting was simple: how should Konoha pay for the murder? Tsunade was a sly woman, giving us her regret that such a tragedy happened without apologizing. Her point, in sum, was that there was nothing she could or would do. It hadn't been her order to kill Ebizo and thus, Konoha wasn't liable.

"For all I know, some sick kids could've done it. Am I supposed to be responsible for them? Then maybe you should be responsible for that damn bird shitting on my car."

"Miss Tsunade, it's clear that we aren't making any progress. Perhaps we should stop wasting our time..."

"Tell you what, I'll find the ones responsible and I'll turn over them to you. Do what you will. How does that sound?"

After an hour of talk, it was the only thing Tsunade was willing to offer. So I accepted, feigning gratitude for her cooperation. We parted on good term. Tsunade was eager to re-establish the severed connection our cities had in the past. She wanted us to be allies again, especially with Orochimaru on the loose.

"You and I are after the same thing, Gaara. We should work together."

"I will consider it. Thank you for your time."

**--**

Ebizo's funeral took place the weekend after my meeting with Tsunade. There were only a few close friends, us, and his sister present. It seemed Ebizo was celibate with no wife or children. An elderly man who was present was actually his lover. They could never marry because Suna's laws prohibited it. I spoke to him briefly and learned that Ebizo had thought of moving to Konoha, where same-sex marriage was legal. The plan never came to fruition as Ebizo simply couldn't leave his beloved Suna behind. After hearing that, I left the wake early and went to the hospital, hoping that Lee was volunteering there.

I checked with the reception to find that Lee was here earlier but had finished his shift half an hour ago. I had been meaning to look up his information but hadn't been able to find the chance, and now I had missed him. A nurse, who overheard our conversation, mentioned to me that Lee was eating in the cafeteria. If I was lucky, Lee would still be there. I had never ran so fast to anywhere in my life. The cafeteria was crowded with a large group of teenagers on community service. Despite the amount of people, it was not difficult to locate Lee in a group. I moved past an old lady shaking a tray of food to the back of the cafeteria.

"G-Gaara!?"

Lee jumped from his seat and literally leaped across the table to hug me. We made a scene, but we could care less. Our lips stayed glued to each other's until we were out of air. I kept his face close to mine, re-familiarizing myself with each and every detail that I adored. I greedily inhaled his scent, and stole the heat from his body. Our happy reunion came to a halt when Lee started to cry. And he was a loud crier. To save ourselves the embarrassment, I led him outside to a secluded part of the hospital. There, I sat us down on the stone bench, and I held him while he sobbed on my shoulders.

"W-Why d-d-did you n-not c-call m-me? I w-w-was so w-wo-worried."

I kissed his forehead, hoping it would turn off the streams of tears. I rubbed his back and helped him slow down his breathing. What could I say to him? Lee knew very little about my family, with and without the mob business part. He didn't even know what I did for a living. He had asked once and I had remained silent instead of fabricating a lie. Lee only smiled at me and said that he would wait until I was ready to tell him. I couldn't tell Lee my secret; it would only burden him. If he knew, as Baki predicated, it would only bring him harm. Also, what was the guarantee that Lee wouldn't flee right away he learn the news?

"I'm sorry. There's so much I want to tell you, but… I can't."

"I-I un-underst-stand. I w-was s-scared th-that something ha-happened to y-you. I th-thought I l-lost you."

"Lee, I love you more than you can imagine. You would never lose me."

I guided him back to my shoulder and stroked his back gently. He sniffled hard and gasped for air to calm his lungs. His trembling arms wrapped around my waist. He closed his eyes, nuzzling against my neck. I wished I could hold him forever just like this. I wished our moment would remain endless, uninterrupted. I wished only the two of us existed in the world. I wished that I didn't have to lie to the love of my life. I wished... I didn't have to wish for these things, that they should just be our reality.

But reality was a bitter mistress that enslaved me. I pulled Lee out of my embrace and rubbed his arms. I ran my fingers through his hair, silky and clean as always.

"I'm sorry, but I can't stay." His eyes glistened up with tears again. I shushed him. "I'll get in contact with you soon. In the mean time, please be careful."

"Why…?"

"I'm afraid there may be some people who want to hurt you."

Lee drew a deep breath. He didn't quite seem to understand fully, but he nodded his head nonetheless. I kissed him good-bye, savoring the feel of his lips against mine. It needed to last me for a while. I left the hospital and returned to the wake. No one noticed my absence. Well, almost no one.

Temari was glaring at me from the moment I stepped through the door again.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: Thank you for all the lovely reviews! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please keep reviewing. : )**

**11.18.08**

**11:19 PM**


	6. Sei

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Sei**

Temari was leaning against the railing of the spiral staircase. I could hardly recall ever seeing such a look on her face. Her brows were furrowed and her plum-colored lips pursed tightly. Her cheeks were sucked in, like she had something very sour in her mouth. Our eyes met. Temari, the one who had always been the warmest to me, was drowning me in an ice-cold pool of contempt. I lowered my glance, like a beaten puppy praying for forgiveness. She was standing on the second step. Physically and mentally, she was above me.

"Temari---"

"I have nothing to say to you." Her attitude, her voice, her body gesture toward me all changed over the last few days. We were suddenly strangers. She was reminding me of our father.

Temari stepped away from the stairs and slithered her way to the living room. I tried to bear her indifference. If I were in her situation, I probably would have reacted the same. She was worried that there wouldn't be an heir. It was a common conception that I was the one who would continue the line. Temari would marry outside the family. Kankuro was, most likely, never going to get married at all. He would have children (perhaps he was already a father) that he would claim no responsibility for. I was the sole choice. Temari's obsession was also due to her adopted role of the "matriarch" of the house. She became the mother that we lost, providing Kankuro and I with care and affection, nurturing us to grow into fine men. When her plan for Kankuro backfired, she devoted her attention to me. Now that we had both failed her, I could only imagine her devastation and, perhaps, even worthlessness.

The gloomy weather and the atmosphere of the house drove me up the stairs. I didn't want to be reminded of Ebizo's death or Temari's imminent disowning of me. I decided to seek comfort in sleep. My plan was interrupted when a tender hand pulled on my arm. It was Matsuri. She was wearing a black dress with pearls accessories. She also had on little make-up, enough to make her look good but not disrespectful to the dead. I stepped down to the foyer so that I wasn't looking down on her.

"I'm very sorry for your loss." Matsuri reached over and gave me a brief hug. I thanked her by squeezing her elbows as she kept her hands on me. "If you need anything, please let me know."

"That's very kind of you, I appreciate it." I let my arms drop so that she could get the hint to release me.

"Temari was the one who told me to come. She said it might be good for you to talk with someone outside the family." She brushed her hair behind her ear, a compulsive habit that I noticed.

Though I was in no mood to entertain a guest, I did so to appease Temari. I led Matsuri to the lounge, where it was quiet and we could talk. Matsuri asked about my relationship with Ebizo. I told her that he was a great man, a dear friend and mentor to me. After she found out all she wanted to know, she gave me an update on her fashion line. Temari had been a great help to her and they believed that the line could take off soon. I had learned previously from Baki that Temari was interested in Matsuri's venture in hope of legitimating the family business. As much as I hated to belittle her, I saw little chance of our family business becoming legitimate with clothes. It was a small market with little revenues and many competitors. But I hadn't said a word; they were both bright women, I would humor them until they realize the reality. Our conversation drifted slowly back to Ebizo and his private life.

"It really makes you feel lucky, you know? That your relationship is acknowledged and you don't have to hide your feelings in secret."

If only she knew how painful the conversation was. I poured myself a glass of wine and offered her a glass. She took a sip and put the glass, obviously the wine wasn't to her taste.

"I don't think… Well, I'm not into women, but I don't think I would be able to do that, you know what I mean? To live a lie? That's so horrible."

"What makes it more horrible is that society condemns it. It twists a beautiful thing into a sinful one."

"Yeah, I guess. But… Well, it doesn't really concern either of us." She smiled, waiting for me to agree with her.

I only nodded. She put her hair behind her ear again and kept the coy smile on her face. Lee wore the same smile when he was falling in love with me.

**--**

The following two months were sporadic in events. The news of Orochimaru hit us again. A prominent member had betrayed Konoha and joined Orochimaru. The story had it that he was hoping to use Orochimaru's influence to seek revenge. What was shocking to Suna was that instead of hunting down the traitor mercilessly, the Hokage sent a team in a hopeless attempt to retrieve him. It was an act unheard of previously in the underworld. Bonds were such an interesting thing. As for us, Kankuro had, under the guidance of Baki, formed his prostitution ring. The last time I checked, he had about twelve girls working for him. We all agreed that it was good to test the water before diving in. With the ring came extra people to look after and our risk consequently increased. Fortunately, Suna's government was a laughable one. There was nothing that money couldn't buy here. The police force was mediocre. For the reason, many civilians looked to my family for protection.

Baki thought it was now a good time for me to show my face and get to know the civilians. People had little loyalty to a man whose face they had not even seen. I went out on a city tour, familiarizing myself with the good people of Suna. Most of them welcomed me with open arms, offering me gifts like I was a deity. Few of them, belonging to the older generation, saw me as a little runt. Those people were the ones I needed to work on. One of the stops on the tour was a jewelry store. The store manager was a plump middle-aged man with a hearty voice and laugh. He showed me around the store and gave me a brief introduction to the different cuts and grades of gems. I listened politely, not particularly interested in the jewels. He offered, as a welcome gift, to personalize a set of rings for me. I thanked him for his kind gesture and agreed to come back another day to pick up the finished products. That was about all the business I handled.

As for my personal life, Temari still treated me the same way. In public, she would play the role of the big sister. Behind closed doors, she wouldn't even look me in the eyes anymore. Also, her attempt to put Matsuri and I together had grown more forceful. She even got Kankuro on her boat; he had urged me on different occasions to "get hitched" with her. I mused at his ridiculous idea. The only time Matsuri and I saw each other was when Temari invited her to the house, which was becoming more frequent. Aside from the arranged dinners and the small talk in the lounge that always followed, I made no attempt to see her outside. My devotion was exclusively on Lee.

The last time I saw Lee was on the day of Ebizo's funeral. I called him as much as possible after that. We would talk on the phone as Lee related me to how his day went and if anything new was happening. He would tell me funny stories that happened at the gym or the hospital. I, on the other hand, had no stories to tell him. The conversation would inevitably lead to how much he missed me. I could only repeat the same words to him. Then we would fall quiet, listening to each other's breathing until either one of us started up a new topic. Baki was aware of my phone calls to Lee, but he didn't mind them much. He didn't know that I had been making plans for Lee to move to Suna, an idea that I was sure he would disapprove. Before I even had to deal with Baki, I had to actually convince Lee to move. He didn't have family in Konoha but it was his home; he spoke very fondly of his hometown and it was apparent that he had no plan to leave. I agreed, not only because why should he leave paradise for hell, but also because I was a rooted person too. Even if it was possible, I doubted I could leave Suna behind.

Baki was sent as an envoy to Kumo concerning some business with the Raikage. In his absence, I arranged a dinner date with Lee. We went to the restaurant where we had our very first date. Lee was thrilled that I secured the same table we had last time. I didn't know if he noticed that there weren't any other customers in our section. I had paid the restaurant off to make it private for our enjoyment and protection. While we waited for our food, our hands were on the table, clasping around each other's. We did our usual ritual of updating each other on our lives. Lee had exciting news he wanted to tell me, but I was to wait until dinner was over to hear it. After the meal was done and dessert was eaten, I had a cup of coffee while Lee sipped on his hot water with a giddy smile.

"You're awfully happy today, Lee."

"That is because you are with me."

I reached over the table and took his hand in mine. I pressed a soft kiss to his knuckle, and his smile expanded to a grin. He withdrew his hand shyly and kept it on his knees.

"I have something for you." I reached into my coat pocket and took out a velvet ring box.

Lee's eyes widened when he saw what I was holding. I opened the box and his jaw dropped. He nearly choked on his water. I had the jewelry store manager personalized a pair of rings for me. They were simple silver rings each adorned with a small gem. My ring was a ruby and had Lee's name carved on the underside. Lee's ring featured an emerald and had my name. I took out his ring and held it for him to see. Lee alternated his stare between the ring and I, not quite sure what he should do.

"It's a gift. A promise and symbol of my love for you."

Hearing that I wasn't proposing to him, Lee heaved a sigh of relieve. He then looked slightly disappointed and his cheeks flushed. He reached for the ring but I took his hand instead and slipped it on his ring finger. It was a little tight, but otherwise fit very nicely. Lee studied the ring, looking at it from different angles and directions, as if checking to see if it was real. I could tell that he liked it and was a loss for expression.

"You should not have spent money on such thing."

"I wanted to. I hope you'll treasure it."

"I will keep it forever." He leaned over the table to kiss me. "Thank you, Gaara."

My response was pressing our lips together firmly. We left the restaurant, but there was another place I wanted to take Lee. I drove us, since I didn't want anyone to know where we were going. There was a house on the other side of town that I lived in during my college years. My father had put it up back on the market after I graduated, but it had never found a buyer. It was the perfect place: Lee would be close enough for me to see him often, but far enough that he would be under the radar. I held his hand and placed it over my lap the whole ride. My heart was beating out of control. There was no telling what Lee's answer would be. I looked over at him a few times during the drive; he was quietly admiring the ring on his finger with a blissful smile.

The house was one-story with a small backyard. It was nicely furnished and only a few years old. Being up in the hills, it had a nice view of Suna, and was breezy during the hot season. Lee was at awe while I gave him a tour of the place. He liked it a lot. It was, for one, bigger than his apartment and nicer too. We settled down on the sofa in the living room, holding each other's hand. Our rings looked good next to each other.

"You live here?"

"No, I used to when I was in college. I had very fond memories of this place." I paused and drew a long breath. I was evading what I wanted to ask; something that I rarely did. I cleared my throat and gathered myself. The longer I postponed it, the more difficult it would be. "I was hoping… you would move in here."

Lee had the same expression he did when he first saw the rings. Only he was more shocked than thrilled. He looked at me, trying to see if I was just kidding around. I kept a stern face and Lee let out a tiny gasp. He lowered his head, and I knew what his answer would be.

"I am sorry…but I cannot…"

"It's okay. I understand." I squeezed his shoulder, hoping that he wouldn't be too bothered. But it was too late.

"I am sorry. I love you, I truly do, but it is too soon for me. I cannot leave everything behind in Konoha."

"That's reasonable. It would be selfish of me to ask you to do that."

Lee kept his head down. I lifted his chin up and kissed him softly. He had a look of sadness on his face that tugged at my heart. I caressed his cheek and brushed his growing bangs out of his eyes. We kissed again. Lee put his arms around my neck. Our kiss intensified and our hands moved to explore our warming bodies. Lee broke away and stole a gasp of air.

"I… only need more time."

"You can take all the time you need."

Lee smiled at me and pulled my head to his chest. He secured me in his embrace, like I was a wounded child. I let my eyes close and listened to his breathing slowing down. Lee stroke through my hair, and it was the most soothing gesture anyone had ever done to me. I latched onto him, greedy for the comfort he was providing me. We remained that way on the sofa until the clock struck ten twenty minutes later. Lee eased me off his body. He had to leave and catch the last bus home to Konoha. Reluctant but without a choice, I drove him to the bus stop. As we waited for the bus, I remembered that he had news that he wanted to tell me.

"I nearly forgot about it! I quitted my job at the gym. I figure what I want to do with my life."

"That's wonderful news. What is it?"

"I am going to enroll in the police academy. I want to be a police officer."

It was my turn to be shocked. I kept my composure at the terrible news. As if there weren't enough obstacles in our relationship, Lee wanted to join the opposite side. My head was about to exploded just thinking about it. I gave him a hug, not knowing that my knees were slightly trembling, and wished him luck. He gave me a thumb-up. We were both confident in his abilities that he would graduate at the top of the class. He hopped on the bus with a wide grin. The emerald on his ring shone in the dark.

"Good night, Gaara. Please call me."

I hated good-byes, so I told him I would see him soon. I watched the bus drive off until its taillights twinkled like stars in the distance. The ride home alone felt like an eternity.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: To my lovely readers and reviewers, I'm going to take a break from writing to catch up on school works. So please excuse my absence and look forward to my triumphant return! xDD**

**11.19.08**

**9:53 PM**


	7. Sette

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**This chapter contains ADULT LANGUAGE.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Sette**

Kankuro came into my bedroom one night unexpectedly. He was intoxicated but sober enough to find his way to my bed. He sat on the edge and slumped over me with his arm over my shoulder. The smell of vodka was on his breath was strong. It made me wonder just how exactly he could drink it like water. He leaned against the headboard, not saying a word. I thought maybe he thought this was his room. I scooted to the other side of the bed and reached for the phone. Someone needed to get him back to his own room.

"Gaara, you are _not_ going to believe what I heard down at the club." He didn't slur but did speak louder than he needed to.

"What might it be?" Until someone came get him, I figured I could humor him. It was, unfortunately, the most bonding we had done in years.

"Get this, ha, get this. Some fucker said he saw you making out… and here's the fun part, he saw you making out with a dude." Kankuro laughed raucously, patting me on the back repeatedly. "The bastard was so fucking gone. Oh man, he had, like, five shots and he just started talking shit about everybody."

It finally hit too close to home. The secret rendezvous with Lee weren't secret enough. It was my mistake to take my influence for granted. There were many eyes around, every one of them looking for a way to break me. In that sense, I was trying to hide my relationship with Lee. It wasn't fair to him and it would only hurt him greatly if he ever knew of it. But I had to take precaution to protect my status in the underworld. My hand, consciously and unconsciously, slipped under the comforter, hiding my ring out of sight.

"I told him, look motherfucker, I told him, if my brother was a fag, you think he'd be the fucking Kazekage? Shit no! I would've kicked his ass. I told him, you think a cocksucker can run a family? Yeah? Am I right, Gaara? Shit, man, some of these fuckers are just unbelievable."

"Slander is a powerful tool."

"But I gotta tell you, bro, you should really get with that Matsuri chick. Oh man, she's totally hot for you. I bet you she fingers her pussy every night thinking about you. She wants you bad. I've seen how she looks at you." He nudged my elbow with a lewd grin. "Gaara, you should sample the product before you buy it, you know what I mean?"

I didn't give an answer to dignify his question. I had been seeing Matsuri, but only to please Temari. It seemed going out with Matsuri was the only thing that could get Temari to look at me without daggers in her eyes. I didn't dislike Matsuri, she was truly a good person and good companion. But there was no way I could develop feelings for her. It was both because she was a woman and because I found nothing about her that attracted me. What Kankuro said was true, Matsuri did have strong feelings for me, and she had said it a few times that she wanted to be closer. I only kindly told her that my schedule didn't permit much time for courtship.

"Think about it, bro. You need to get laid." Kankuro stood up from the bed and stumbled toward the door. "Marry her, pop out a couple of kids. Temari'll get off your back."

"Good night, Kankuro."

Kankuro slammed into the door once before he managed to find the knob to open it. Someone outside offered to help him but Kankuro shooed him off. They closed my door. I took my hand out from under the comforter and stared at it. I wondered if Lee had been wearing his without taking it off once. I sent a mute apology to him as I slipped the ring off my finger and placed it on the nightstand.

**--**

Lee was accepted into the training program without any obstacle, as we had both expected. For the past three months, his schedule consisted entirely of training and preparing for his new life as a law enforcement officer. The day he graduated, I took him to celebrate in a café. He didn't have time to eat dinner as there was a graduation party planned. He was exuberant and spoke of how excited he was to be part of the prestigious police force of Konoha. The more he spoke of the police, the sicker I felt to my stomach. The conversation became more unnerving when Lee switched the topic to the families.

"Is there a mob family in Suna?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I only found out the last few days that there is a prominent one in Konoha. I have lived there my whole life and I was not even aware of the illegal activity under my nose!" Ever since he enrolled in the academy, Lee's sense of justice and honor had been amplified tenfold. His morals were one of the many things I loved about him, but that was before I was the mouse and he was the cat.

"I wouldn't be surprised if there was one here. Suna isn't exactly the nicest place."

"They are despicable people, murdering, stealing, cheating, destroying the structure of our society. Now I will be able to stop them."

The way the legal system was constructed meant that I wasn't under the jurisdiction of Konoha, even if I was caught in its vicinity. They would need to turn me over to the authorities in Suna and I would be tried under Suna laws. And as I had been spending the past weeks to establish good relations with the officials, I was not too worried if I were arrested. I could only imagine Lee's reaction when he learned the news that his lover was the head of the Suna family. I wondered if he would still let me hold his hand if he knew what I had done.

A while ago, Tsunade had turned over the two men responsible for Ebizo's murder. They were indeed underlings of the previous Hokage, but Tsunade still took no responsibilities. I was outrage by her lack of respect for me and Ebizo. All her talks of diplomacy and alliance were insolent mockery. Fumed by Tsunade's action, I took my anger out on the two men. I had them paid their respect to Ebizo. Then they were taken to Chiyo and gave their condolence. In what was perhaps my cruelest act to date, I made them literally dig their own graves with guns pointed to their heads. When the deed was done, I had them buried alive. I could still hear their anguish screams and see the dirt moving as they tried to climb their way out. Once they were gone from this world, I had them unearthed and their bodies chopped into pieces. They didn't deserve a peaceful death, not after what they did to Ebizo.

"Gaara, when you said that there might be people who want to hurt me, what did you mean?"

"I have many enemies, Lee. But I promise you, if anyone touches you, I'll make them pay."

"What kind of enemies?" Lee furrowed his thick brows in concern. I always thought it was adorable when he did that.

"Business rivals. We don't always play nice."

Lee nodded his head, though I could tell that he didn't understand fully and wanted to ask more. I called the waiter over and paid the bill. As we left the café, Lee reached over for my hand, the emerald in his ring sparkling under the sunlight. I had put a chain around my ring so that I could wear it as necklace. It was hidden under my shirt. There were too many explanations to give if someone saw me with the ring. Lee's fingers touched mine as he tried to grab a hold of me.

I hated myself for doing it, but I slipped my hands into my pockets. Lee stopped for a second. I believed he caught a glance of my hand and saw the absence of the jewel on my ring finger. When he started walking again, he kept a distance between us. Neither of us said a word all the way to the bus station.

"Be careful. Don't do anything reckless."

Lee gave a salute, a gesture he had practiced over and over in the academy. "I will!" He climbed on the steps of the bus but stopped. "Gaara, if there was something going on, you would tell me, right?"

"Of course."

"Right… Please be careful too."

I wanted to touch him. I wanted to hold him in my arms and kissed him. But I only waved a small good-bye, which drew a disappointed grimace on Lee's face. We were both going to be very busy in the upcoming months. There wouldn't be much time to see each other.

**--**

I walked Matsuri to her apartment door. It was one of my mandatory dates with her that Temari had set up. I couldn't say why I agreed to go on the dates, only that the look on Temari's face held my logics in hostage. A glimpse of the sisterly affection she once had for me was present whenever I leave or return for a date with Matsuri. It made her happy, and it made me happy to know that she was happy. My personal real happiness was unimportant. The family was above me. My life was devoted to it. I was, in a way, starting to realize that my relationship with Lee was hurting too many people. I just wasn't ready to give up yet.

Matsuri invited me for a cup of coffee but I declined her offer. It was late and I had a meeting waiting for me back home.

"Oh, that's too bad. I had a really great time tonight." She smiled and pushed her hair behind her ear. She was wearing black pearl studs.

"The pleasure's mine. Good night."

"W-Wait, Gaara." She latched onto my arm and pulled me back.

I saw it coming, but I didn't react in time. She pressed her lips against mine. Her lip gloss was sticky and tasted like sugar cookie. I didn't kiss back and kept my body away from hers. She leaned away, a pink blush creeping on her cheeks. She smiled again, her hand automatically reaching for her hair.

"Wow… That was wonderful…"

I didn't answer. Matsuri had been mistakenly taking my silence as approvals. She took my hand and held it close to her chest. The coat she was wearing was thick enough that I didn't touch anything I shouldn't.

"I really like you, Gaara. I mean, you're the most amazing man I've ever met."

"I'm flattered."

Matsuri let my hand go. I doubted she realized that I had no interest in her and that my few words were my way of rejecting her. She unlocked her door, whispered a good-night, and went inside her apartment. As I walked back to the waiting car, I wiped the back of my hand against my mouth. The scent was sugar cookie still lingered.

**--**

Chiyo, Ebizo's elder sister and our housekeeper, knocked on my door. House servants were not typically involved in the business dealings of the family. They were considered civilians, and if they were to be present at the scene, they were immune. For that basic law, it still pained me greatly that Ebizo was lost in the time of chaos. I had not wanted Chiyo to know the cause of her brother's demise, but there were many things that I could not hide. She had never liked Konoha as her son and daughter-in-law were both killed by a highly skilled member of Konoha's family. Irony would have it that Konoha's White Fang would end up taking his own life. Now that her brother's blood was on Konoha's hands once more, Chiyo couldn't sit back anymore. She stepped into my office, a red-haired man trailing behind her.

"Kazekage, you've met my grandson, Sasori."

An old superstition in Suna once said that children with red hair were the seed of demons. Back in the days, a red-haired baby was killed quickly after birth. As science advanced and genetics became more understood, such gruesome practice was abandoned. With that history, redheads were rare in Suna even nowadays. Currently, Sasori was the only one besides me. I had met Sasori on a few occasions. He was in his mid-thirties but it was impossible to know that by his appearance alone. His skin was smooth and devoid of any blemish. His lips were soft and plump, and his eyebrows were thin and slender, perfectly matching his overall look. His eyes, with a gray tone, were captivating, though not because they were beautiful. Sasori was, in my opinion, a hollow shell. Even when he smiled, there was an aura of emptiness all around him. He was weary of the present and continuously looked to the past. In a brief conversation we once had, I learned that he had a haunted obsession for immortality. He had a strong desire to maintain, to sustain, to capture and freeze his most treasured moment; a belief, I believed, stemmed from the trauma of losing both parents at a young age. In short, Sasori was a complex man that both fascinated and bothered me.

"I'll leave him under your care, Sir."

"I'm glad to have you in our ranks, Sasori."

Sasori tilted his head slightly to the left and pulled the corners of his lips to form a smile. People who claimed my smile was strange had not seen Sasori's haunted smile. I dismissed them and felt a chill running up my spine. I was curious to know what the extend of "Scorpion of the Red Sand" was. Just as I was about to get back to work, another knock distracted my thought.

It was Temari and Baki. They walked in together. Temari sat down without saying a word. Baki went to pour himself a glass of whiskey.

"To what do I own the pleasure?"

"I want you to listen to what I have to say." Temari crossed her legs and put both fists on her knee. She was stern and down-to-business.

"Go ahead."

"I want you to marry Matsuri." It wasn't a request, but an order. "She'll be good for you."

**--**

**Boyue's Note: I didn't really like this chapter... x.x**

**I had thought up the ending to this story! The bad news is that I'm not looking forward to it… The good news is that it's still a long way off. xDD**

**11.22.08**

**9:24 PM**


	8. Otto

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Otto**

"I want you to marry Matsuri. She'll be good for you."

Temari was the last person I expected to hurt me. Instead of her role as the big sister, Temari took on playing the family protector. She expected me to appreciate and understand what she wanted to do. The family was the most important thing to us. We only existed because of the family. We were nothing on our own. Sacrifices were necessary to maintain order. These were the teachings that had been passed down for generations. They were bred into our blood. Temari fully embraced them. By not understanding such simple things, I was becoming the black sheep.

"Temari, I thought you were aware of my…"

"No, Gaara, you're just confused. You've never even been with a woman, how can you know you're g---_that_ for sure?" It tugged at my heart that she wouldn't even say the word.

"I know it as clearly as I know that I am a man, that I'm your brother and that you're my sister. This isn't something that can be tested. It's not going to change by trying it out with a woman."

Temari shook her head. She uncrossed her legs and pinched the ridge of her nose. Baki lingered by the wine bar, pouring himself another glass. It would be reasonable to assume that Temari had revealed to him about my relationship with Lee. He understood, however, that what was being discussed was purely between siblings. Temari placed a red ring box on the desk and pushed it over toward me.

"These are the engagement rings. You'll propose to her this Friday and marry her by the end of the year. She can move in here if she wants before the wedding."

"I don't love her."

"It doesn't matter. You might as well marry someone that loves _you_."

I had to stop to process the cruel information through my head. The Temari I knew was caring, compassionate, and sensible. The Temari sitting in front of me was a crude imitation of her former self.

"Temari, you're sacrificing Matsuri's happiness to achieve your own means."

"She will be happy just being with you. You'll grow to love her eventually. If not, then you'll get used to her. That's how most marriages work."

I closed the ring box and pushed it back toward her. It nearly fell off the edge of the desk before Temari caught it. She clasped it in her fist. Her eyes stared at me with no trepidation. It was impossible to intimidate Temari; she was better at it than most people.

"And if I were to refuse such an insulting offer?" I was still the boss. If I was toppled by an underling, it would look very bad. I had been steadily building up my status. But status was fragile and could be torn down like sandcastles.

"I heard he is a cop now. It'd be a shame if he were to be killed in action so soon."

For the first time in years, I laughed. It caught both Temari and Baki off-guard. They stared at me with gaped mouths, like children watching a magician swallowing a sword. I laughed for a good minute before I drew a long breath to refill the oxygen in my brain. Temari looked to Baki for guidance, but our consigliere provided none.

"Oh, I can see why now you are the favorite, Temari. You're so willing, so scrupulous in your determination. I'm no match for you, no match at all."

"So you'll do as I say."

I reached over the desk and snatched the ring box from her tight fist. I opened the box and examined the rings. It had a sapphire, the size of a coin, in the center with small diamonds all around it. Temari spared no expense in her extravagance.

"Is there anything else?" I toyed with the ring, tossing it up and down in the air.

"I'll inform you when the wedding will be scheduled." Temari stood up and headed for the door. I called her name to stop her.

"I hope you realize that I will never forgive you for this. From this day forth, I no longer consider you my sister. I sever all ties with you."

Temari looked slightly shaken and indigant. She gripped the doorknob, unsure if she should respond in her defense. A deafening silence grew while I glared at her with cold eyes. She swung open the door and left the office, slamming it behind her. Baki came over and took her seat. He put the glass on the desk and lit up a cigarette. I had my head down, buried in my palms.

"This is just the way it is, Gaara." He blew smoke out of his mouth, polluting the already suffocating air.

A voice in the depth of my heart told me that I could leave it all behind. I could get on the first bus to Konoha and live with Lee in peace. I didn't want to the head of the family; it was a task that was tacked on me. I had no choice. If it weren't me, there would be no one. I was chosen, not because I was special and qualified, but because I was the _only_ one available. I was the last resort. I was replaceable. I was unnecessary. If Temari was a man, she would be in my seat right now. But as Tsunade had demonstrated, gender didn't matter in the underworld. Temari should take over. She would be happy and willing. She could marry whoever she wanted and have as many children as she wanted. The next Kazekage could be her daughter. It didn't have to a man. It didn't have to be me.

"I fell in love once." Baki gulped down the rest of the whiskey and heaved a loud sigh. "I barely started working for your father. I was a real nobody. I was running some errands in Konoha and past by this bakery. And there she was: the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. She was helping her mother out that day and gave me a bag of cookies 'cause she thought I looked like a nice man. I was head over hill for her. Whenever I had the time, I would get over just to see her. She would give me some cookies or cupcakes or whatever. We started seeing each other regularly. Her mom didn't like me much, thought I was a low life. But we were young and we were in love and that was all that mattered. She was going to come to Suna just to be with me. I didn't know how to break it to her what I was involved in. So I kept quiet and waited. One day, I went to visit her. I had some lovely lilies with me. She loved them. When I got there, there were police tapes all around her house. It was a crime scene. I don't believe in a higher being now, and I didn't believe in it then. But I prayed, I prayed that something didn't happen to her. But prayers, they're unreliable. She was followed home by two Konoha's men. They saw me with her, and didn't like that I was taking one of their women. So they broke in her house, beat her half to death, defiled her and slit her throat ear to ear. I can still see the blood on her bed. She was the one for me. We were going to get married. I've never loved another woman since. I still bring her flowers every now and then."

I had kept my head down through Baki's poignant story. In all the years that I had known him, I never thought he was a sentimental person. I supposed it was the protocol of our world. Showing an ounce of weakness was enough to do someone in. To function properly, we learned to lock our hearts away and put on a mask of professionalism. I had a flash of the horrid image of Lee's throat slit open, crimson blood soaking through the white sheet of his bed. If that were to happen, if Lee were hurt because of my foolishness… I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

"Do you know why I told you this, Gaara?" Baki picked up the smoke and took a long hit.

"Yes."

"I know it's hard. We just aren't lucky enough." He smothered his finished cigarette in the glass. He stood and patted me on my shoulder. "The sooner you end it, the easier it'll be."

Baki left me in peace. The room still smelled like nicotine smoke. I had already severed one tie today, I wasn't sure if I had the capacity to do it again. Regardless, I took out my phone and called Lee. We had been together for more than half a year now. At first, I thought it was simple infatuation that kept wanting to see him. His strange sense of fashion and his too-honest-for-his-own personality invaded me like a deadly virus, seeping into the core of my DNA. I never cared before and now I cared too much. I cared how he thought of my hair and if I had put too much product in it. I cared if he didn't like the clothes I was wearing or if my aftershave was too strong. I cared if he liked the food I ordered or if he wanted something fried or pan-seared. I cared if he loved me at the same intensity that I had grown to love him. I cared if he wanted to spend another day with me. I cared if his feelings were the same or if he might want to break up. I cared about him. I cared for him. I loved him, perhaps too much, perhaps too soon, but I loved him with my soul.

"Gaara! I was just thinking about you." His voice was cheerful and full of life.

"I love you, Lee." I loved him more than I should have.

"I love you too, Gaara. Where are you? I have not seen you for weeks. I miss you…"

There was a short silence that was becoming too familiar in my life. In the background, I could hear the sound of the television and the calm breathing of Lee. He was waiting for me to speak up first. I loved his patience and his understanding for my lack of expressiveness.

"Gaara… I want to see you."

I loved him. For that, the sooner, the easier it would be for both of us.

"Good bye, Lee."

I hung up the call. I heard him stammer my name in panic before the line was disconnected. The phone vibrated in my hand. Lee was calling me back. I rejected the call and turned off the phone. Tomorrow, I would cancel the phone service. My hand reached through my shirt and fondled my ring. Tomorrow, I would take it off and maybe pawn it. Tomorrow, I wouldn't love him anymore.

Before I had a moment to recollect myself and reminiscent all my memories with Lee, Kankuro and Baki rushed into my office, panting heavily. We were under attack.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: This chapter made me sad. T-T**

**11.24.06**

**11:41 PM**


	9. Nove

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Nove**

A terrorist bomber blew up a restaurant in downtown. The chief of police was eating with his family when the bomb exploded. All forty-six people present at the restaurant lost their lives, amongst them the chief, his wife, and their little two-year-old girl. It hadn't been investigated if it was an outsider or an insider attack, but one thing was for sure: the attack gave us terrible headache. The chief of police had been extremely helpful to us, which meant he took our bribe with a wide grin on his chubby face. It could be said that he got what he deserved since we were in a karma-oriented business. The new chief was a difficult man to deal with. He had a rigid sense of justice and sought to clear the streets from thugs and crime. Suna needed a good image, he said in his inauguration address. He swore to be the one to clean up Suna. I turned off the TV half-way through his speech. The man was reminding me too much of Lee.

It had been two weeks since I broke up with him. In those two weeks, many things had happened. I proposed to Matsuri, as per my agreement with Temari. I skipped through the romantic gesture of getting on my knee and asking her hands in marriage. I simply presented her the ring and anticipated her reaction. She was exhilarated and agreed to be my bride immediately. She threw her arms around me and kissed me deeply.

"Oh, oh, Gaara! Of course I'll marry you. You never said anything so I thought you didn't like me…! But oh, I'm so happy! Gaara, I love you."

She was wearing her sugar-cookie-scented lip gloss. She had sprayed jasmine perfume and her hair smelled like strawberries. Sugar cookies, jasmine, and strawberries were quickly becoming things I disliked. We agreed that it would be more "special" if she didn't move in with me until we were married. She thought it would be fun for her to enjoy the reminder of her bachelorette life. It was also agreed that we would wait until our wedding night to get intimated.

Temari acted excited when we announced to the family our engagement. She hugged Matsuri and they jumped in the air like schoolgirls. Kankuro slugged his arm over my shoulder and made crude teases. He still urged me to sample the product first. The household staff and the men congratulated me individually, giving their best wishes. It was a joyous day for many of them. After that day, I didn't speak to Temari. I ignored her at the dinner table, much like I used to with my father. Kankuro caught on to it quickly. He tried, as the middle child, to patch up the damaged relationship between his older and his younger sibling. He didn't even know why Temari and I weren't speaking to each other. He only wished that we would. I appreciated his concern, as it was rare for Kankuro to truly care about anything, but there was nothing in the world that could make me change my attitude. If Temari's last wish was to see me, I would coldly deny her that wish.

I also scheduled a meeting with the Hokage. She thought we would be discussing what to do with Orochimaru, who had retreated to Oto for a likely large-scale war. She heard about the bombing and warned me to be careful. She had a feeling that it wasn't the end of it. The main topic of our meeting was Lee. I asked her humbly to keep an eye out for Lee. It was a move that put Tsunade at a high advantage.

"I heard about that Lee. He's a real stubborn guy. I heard he chased a man five blocks for flashing some high school girls."

"That sounds like him."

"And you want me to lay my hands off him."

"Yes."

Tsunade chuckled. She leaned back against the chair, showing off her scantily-clad large bosom in a low-cut top. She snapped her fingers and Shizune leaned down. She whispered something to her apprentice's ear. Shizune nodded and left the empty restaurant. I looked to Sasori, whom I had been keeping around me often, and he followed Shizune out.

"You're kidding, right?" Tsunade leaned on the table. "What's this guy to you?"

"He is a friend of mine and I would appreciate it if his life isn't put in danger."

"Is that so? I've been hearing some crazy rumor about you. It won't happen to have anything to do with him, would it?"

Bad things always travelled fast and wide. I kept my eyes on hers and kept a steady face. If Tsunade wanted to confront me, I would face her head-on. She sat back against the chair and let out a loud yawn.

"What's in it for me?" Down to the chase, as excepted of her. "You don't expect me to do this as a favor for you."

She wanted in on our drug business. The previous Hokage believed that if he was going to do evil, he wanted to do the least harmful. Drugs were destructive to men and society. Tsunade had a differing view. Drugs gave the biggest revenue; it was something that no smart business would pass on. I had discussed the possibilities with Baki prior to our meeting. We agreed that we didn't need partners in the drug trade. We intended to keep our drugs in our cities for our lost people. I refused to agree to her demand. Tsunade had another wish.

"I've been looking into casinos. I'm a sucker for a bet, so I know how good a casino will do."

"Operating a casino involves too many people, too much time, too much attention... It is too risky."

"I got it covered. I just need some more money and a name to get things rolling. So, what do you say?"

"I have to consider it. It is a large investment…"

"That Lee, a fool-hardy boy like him will get himself killed in no time."

"You'll have my answer tomorrow."

"That's what I like to hear! I'll take care of your boy. Leave it to me."

**--**

Sasori had, in the weeks that I had known him, became the closest thing I had to a confidant and a friend. He still, at times, gave me a worried vibe, but he was a very perceptive man and knew what I was thinking without me having to tell him. From my meeting with Tsunade, he caught on that I harbored strong feelings for a Konoha policeman named Lee. Tsuande had sent Shizune outside to find out everything she could about Lee. In that time, Sasori learned what Shizune learned. He also learned that I was deeply in love with Lee but due to unfortunate circumstance, I was forced to end our relationship. He didn't give me advice on how to reunite with Lee or told me that it was for the best. When I asked him if he had someone precious, he smiled genuinely and said yes. His lover, in his words, was an annoying brat. I told him I couldn't wait to meet him.

As part of my over-sighting duty, I gave a visit to Kankuro's prostitute ring. He had purchased an abandoned pub and revived it. The first floor was a regular pub, serving food and drinks. The upper floor, one that not many knew existed, was his brothel. He had six girls living there full-time and about twelve more working the streets. He liked his job and he was good at it. I was proud of him and glad that he had found a niche, even if it wasn't something that I was particularly thrilled about. Kankuro put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a tour of the place. He also encouraged me to choose my pick amongst his girls.

"Go on, anyone you want. And it's free!" He laughed and pointed to a blonde girl with charming aqua eyes.

"Should I remind you that I am engaged?" I also had no interest in women, especially if they were prostitutes, but Kankuro didn't need to know.

"C'mon, bro. You gotta live a little."

"I have a different mean for it."

Kankuro pulled me into an empty bedroom and sat me down on the bed. He was in his big brother mode, one that he hadn't been in for a while. He paced around the room, a cigarette between his lips. Outside, one of his girls giggled and a nervous man made small-talk with her.

"What's the deal with you and Tem? You two ain't talking to each other. Did you have a fight over the wedding or some shit like that?"

"It is much more complicated than that."

"A'ight, Gaara. You know how Tem is. She's gotta have things her way, so why don't you just let her do her thing? She isn't going to hurt you. She knows what's best."

"I appreciate your concern, Kankuro, though I highly doubt that she has my best interest in mind."

Kankuro didn't understand why I didn't want to fix my rapport with my own sister. It was the first time in years that I had seen him shown a genuine concern for family. He always rebelled against my father and didn't come home until he was out of money. Now, Kankuro couldn't get enough of the family bond. I supposed he wanted to get back what he had missed out on during his youth. I did too, but it seemed we were just an unfortunate group of people who could not hold a family together.

I walked out of the pub and Sasori was waiting for me by the car. He opened the car door. But instead to let me in, it was to let someone out. Lee climbed out of the car with his hands in tight fists. His lips quivered and his eyes were filled with anger and imminent tears. I stood still and looked to Sasori. He was the one who took Lee here. I was furious at his action. He didn't know what kind of danger he was putting Lee in. At the same time, I was grateful. If it weren't for him, Lee wouldn't be holding me tight and crying quietly on my shoulder. He was in his civilian clothes but he looked like he had just gotten off duty. His body smelled like sweat and his hair was oily. I inhaled his scent; I didn't fathom how dearly I had missed him or how he smelled more masculine than I did. He tightened his arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer, whispering my name over and over in my ear.

Cruel monster that I was, I told him, "Let go."

**--**

**Boyue's Note: Sorry I disappeared for a week without an update! Just a head-up: This story will probably be between 15 – 18 chapters, so things are starting to get wrapped up. O.o**

**REVIEWS PLEASE? PRETTY PLEASE?! ToT**

**12.01.08**

**12:01 AM**


	10. Dieci

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Dieci**

"Let go."

I didn't wait for Lee to pull away. I put my hands on his shoulders and shoved him back. He didn't expect my move and staggered a few steps backward. He stared at me with eyes full of hurt and disbelief. I shuffled past him and glared at Sasori. He was undaunted, like he knew that seeing Lee was the happiest I had felt in a while. I got into the car and scooted to the far side. Lee bent down to look at me seated in the car.

"Get in," I told him. To Sasori, I commanded, "Drive."

Lee sat close next to me. His hand cupped mine and squeezed it tightly. He kept his eyes on me, trying to read what was going through in my head. If only he knew how much he was tearing me up inside. I stared out the window. If I didn't see the hurt look on his face, I could fight against my urges better. He put his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my waist. I was tempted to kiss his forehead, something that Lee thought was very adoring. But I didn't. I couldn't. I pressed my hands on my laps and tilted my head away. His smell was driving me insane. I stole a glance at his hand. He was still wearing our ring on his ring finger.

I had Sasori take us to my college house. I still wished Lee would agree to move in, but it was too late now. I never thought that I would need to protect my lover from my own family. Sasori stayed outside while I stepped into the house with Lee trailing behind me. He kept a firm grip on my arm, as if he was afraid I would make a run for it. We sat opposite side of each other at the dining table, a seating that I proposed. The clock in the house was still running. Its second hand ticked away the time. I was content with Lee's presence. Even if I didn't look at him in the minutes of silence, I was happy he was here. I was happy that he loved me enough to come looking for me, no matter how much I had tried to push him away. I felt blessed and because of that, I realized that I needed to be much crueler toward him. I needed to shatter the last glimpse of hope in him, which would be a difficult task. Lee was hardly intimidated by anything and was more stubborn than a mule.

"Gaara, I want to know what is happening."

"I don't want to see you anymore."

Despite everything I had put him through Lee was still surprised to hear what I said. He stayed calm and tried to find my reason.

"Why is that? I do not think I have done something to make you feel that way. What is it that you are hiding from me, Gaara?"

"I don't feel obliged to tell you my personal business."

Lee drew a deep breath. His eyes were glistening with tears again. I wished he wouldn't cry because it made me weak in my resolution. It made me want to leap across the table and hold him and tell him how sorry I was. Fortunately, I was trained to not let my emotions show. Lee breathed out of his mouth and reined in his tears.

"I share my life with you. Why can you not do the same?"

"You're not the one I want to share my life with, Lee."

"You told me you love me! You were the one who said you love me first. You asked me out. You wanted to date me. You asked me to move in with you. You gave me a ring." He took a quivering breath and sniffled. "I do not believe you, Gaara. I know in my heart I am the one for you."

He had no idea how right he was. He was the one---the only one---I wanted to share my life with. Our desires, however, were often too different from what our reality would grant us. Baki was right. We were unfortunate people. Love was only for the lucky.

"I'm getting married in September."

"M-Married? To who?"

"My fiancée, Matsuri. We've been together for a while now."

"Fiancee… Is that… She… Is that why you have been avoiding me? You were cheating on me?"

"Yes."

"You are lying."

"No, Lee. Here's the truth." I chuckled and pulled my chin up. "We had a good time together, and that was it. It would've been better if we had sex, but it was still pleasant for both of us. My flattery was nothing more than a cheap trick to win you over. I am a man who likes challenges, Lee, and you were the hardest I've faced. I got too into it, became too involved with you. The more you resisted, the more I wanted you. But now, I am bored. You have fallen in love with me and our relationship is no longer entertaining for me. I don't love you, Lee. I might have, at one point or another, developed some strong feelings for you, but they are gone now. I don't love you. I don't think I ever will. It is over. We are over."

Lee had dropped his head during my false declaration. He sniffled hard as waterfalls of tears trailed down his cheeks to his chin. He was quiet in his crying, as opposed to his previous vocal cries. I knew it was a sign that he was completely heartbroken. He looked up at me and bit his lip hard.

"Y-You a-are ly-lying."

"I don't suppose you've ever been through a break-up, have you?"

"Gaa-Gaara, I l-love you so m-much." Lee stood up. His hands were fisted on the table.

"I don't want to see you ever again." I unbuttoned my collar and took off the necklace. I told myself to take it off but I couldn't bring myself to. But now to complete my act, I removed the ring from the chain and slid it across the table. It hit Lee's clutched hand. "Keep it if you want."

"Gaara!"

"I would appreciate it if you leave now. Sasori will take you back to Konoha."

"Gaara… You are serious…"

I stood up and headed for the door. I felt two strong arms pulling me back and holding in a suffocating embrace.

"I know y-you are not telling the tru-truth. You cannot f-fool me."

I heaved a loud, frustrated sigh. I never knew how good of an actor I was until today. I shook off his arms around my neck. I turned around and pushed him against the wall, harder than I had intended. He hit the back of his head against the wall. I winced on the inside and felt self-loathing forming. I pinned him against the wall with my hand on his chest.

"I will say it one last time: I. Don't. Love. You. Rock. Lee. You mean nothing to me. _Nothing_."

I walked out the front door. Sasori was standing by the car. He eyed the house and waited for Lee to show. I should be angry with him, but I was feeling too empty inside to know what to say to him. We stood face-to-face. Sasori's expression was as hollow as ever, without an ounce of empathy. He didn't wish to offer me a word of comfort or scorn. He didn't care what I was feeling. Sasori was just there, gazing at me with his lifeless eyes and a wry smile on his lips.

"What's wrong? Is the Kazekage Gaara so choked up that he can't even speak?"

"Why did you bring him here?"

"You owed him closure. If you didn't do what you did now, he'll live on thinking that he still has a chance with you. Isn't it better? You've freed him."

I turned my head to see Lee coming out of the house. He closed the door behind him and looked at the both of us. Rather, he looked through us. The usual energy was absent from his face. He walked to the car and climbed in without stopping to at least look at me. I had freed him from myself. He would have a better life without me in it. He was the worst thing that happened to me, just like I was the worst for him. It wasn't meant to be. We weren't meant to be.

Sasori got into the driver seat and drove off back toward Konoha. In a way, I felt a relief that I no longer needed to hide my relationship with Lee since there wasn't one anymore. I would still continue to protect him from harm in the shadows. I walked back into the house as I waited for Sasori to come back to pick me up. I laid on the couch, where Lee and I had laid before together. I could, if I thought hard about it, still hear his steady breathing in my mind. I closed his eyes and saw his face. Instead of his cheerful, dorkish grin, I only saw his lips twisting in pain. I hoped he would hate me, despite me, loathe me, and wish ill upon me. It was the only way I could compensate for the pain I pushed him through.

"I love you, Rock Lee. You mean the world to me."

If only he knew.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: Look, two updates in two days! Aren't you happy... and sad 'cause this chapter was a downer. Next chapter will feature a time skip. And I don't know if I'll be writing any more chapter this week. So... keep your fingers crossed. xDD**

**12.03.08**

**12:29 AM**


	11. Undici

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT MAY BE DISTURBING TO YOUR BELIEFS!**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Undici**

It had been two years since I last spoke to Lee. I kept an eye out for him but didn't dare to see him in person. Sometimes, I would send Sasori out on errands to Konoha and have him bring me back news of Lee. Lee was doing well as an officer and had received recognition for his heroic contribution to Konoha. Tsunade kept her promise of keeping her hands off him, though there had been growing tension with Lee snooping too close to her business. Sasori's check-up on Lee always ended up with one note: Lee was still single. I was a selfish man and was happy to know that Lee hadn't found anyone else and that as far as I was concerned, he still belonged to me. It gave me a hope that, maybe, one day I would be able to be with him again and treat him like he deserved.

Matsuri and I wedded as Temari had planned. The wedding was lavish. Our people as well as the civilians came to give us their blessings. On our wedding night, I performed my husbandly duty. Lovemaking was a wondrous feeling and I admitted that I enjoyed myself with her as I was young and had needs that needed to be satisfied. But it didn't stop me from growing disgusted of myself. I loathed that I was doing such a special thing with someone I didn't love, that I was cheating Matsuri and using her for my own means. Our bed grew cold seven months into our marriage. It was then that Matsuri began to realize that she was in a loveless marriage. Naturally, I asked her if she wanted a divorce.

"No, I… I still love you, and I… I'm happy that I get to be with you, you know?"

Three months later, she announced that she was pregnant. She believed that having a child together would strengthen our marriage. I saw it otherwise. But the house was still filled up with joy. Temari was, needless to say, very pleased that I was going to have an heir soon. The nine months of pregnancy were a rollercoaster ride. Instead of becoming closer as most parents did, we drifted further apart. I was attending meetings with other Kages while she was going to birthing classes. Every time I saw her, her belly became bigger and she became more emotional. She would yell at me for tricking her into the marriage. Minutes later, she would beg me not to leave her because she needed me in her life. I tried to be a good husband but I couldn't. I simply lacked the talents to be a supportive spouse. I was uncaring, occupied with work, and uninterested in her well-being. As her pregnancy advanced, she slept in a different room. My bed grew even colder. In the lonely nights, I would think about Lee and wonder if there was someone in his bed with him. I secretly hoped that his bed was as empty as mine.

Matsuri gave birth to a daughter. It was difficult picking out a name because everyone had a different opinion. To put an end to the madness, the task of giving my daughter her name fell upon me. I named her Karura after my mother. It was a name that everyone liked. Karura had Matsuri's hair and facial structure a high nose, soft pouting lips, and bright eyes. The color of her eyes, taking after mine, was an alluring aqua. Chiyo said she possessed the beauty of a mystical siren and would grow up to be a woman of unparallel grace and beauty. I knew she was exaggerating a bit, but I hoped the same. When she was first born, I felt little connection with her. She was just another baby in the world to me. But when she opened her eyes and stared right at me, it hit me finally that I was a father. I knew then that she was my other most precious person, right at the top next to Lee. Though there was a child in the house, Temari was still not completely satisfied. She wanted a son.

Karura was four months old now and had started to be more vocal. I spent as much time as I could with her. I watched her, played with her, and held her in my arms while she drifted off to sleep. Matsuri and I were closer now that we were parents. She moved back into the master bedroom and slept next to me at night. Sometimes, I would roll over and put my arms around her waist. She would lean back against me and we would look like a normal, functional couple. Other times, I would keep to my side and stare at the ceiling, wondering what Lee was doing.

**--**

Temari and I were as distant as before. She made no attempt to repent for what she did and I had no intention of ever forgiving her. She played her role of an aunt, spending a lot of time with Karura. There were times when I wanted to tell her not to touch my daughter. Then I remembered back to my own childhood and how horrible it was to be alone, so I decided that as long as Temari didn't instill her strange beliefs in Karura, I would let her interact with my child. We didn't speak to each other until one day when I summoned her to my office. I had received interesting news about my dear sister.

"Gaara, we haven't talked in two years. What is it?" In the two years, Temari had aged slightly. She was turning 29 soon and didn't look to have any plan to settle down with someone. It was exactly the reason why I had wanted to see her.

"How's the baby?"

"Baby…?" There was a flicker in her eyes. She looked away for a short second and looked back at me. "You mean Karura? She's fine, but you should pay more attention to her."

"I see. But what I'm interested in knowing is: How's _your_ baby?"

Temari closed her mouth. The smug smile on her face disappeared as the corners of her lips dragged down. She narrowed her eyes and looked at me with defiance. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"How far along are you now? Four months? Have you started showing yet?"

Temari swallowed hard. Her eyes hardened and she began a staring contest with me. "You knew."

"You didn't think anything can go on in this house without me knowing, did you?"

Temari kept her mouth shut. She was looking more furious by the seconds.

"Do you plan to keep the baby?"

"Yes. Of course."

"No, I want you to get an abortion."

Temari opened her eyes wide and snorted out a laugh. "It's not up to you what I do with my baby."

"I won't allow the bastard to be born."

"Ha, what is this, Gaara? Revenge?"

"Yes. I want you to know how it feels when you're forced to do something that hurts you so deeply."

"I'm going to have my baby and there is nothing you can do about it." Temari glared at me, like she was challenging me to prove her wrong.

"As long as you live in my house, you'll live by my rules."

"Fine. I'll move out." She gave me a mocking look. She stood up from the chair and took a step toward the door.

"Where are you going, Temari?"

"I'm leaving. Isn't this what you wanted? You hate me, don't you? You hate me for breaking you up with that man. Well, you'll be happy to know that I don't want anything to do with you anymore. I'm leaving for good." She walked to the door and pulled on the knob.

"Temari…"

She opened the door and stepped out. I bolted up from my chair. All my pent-upped feelings toward her exploded out of me. She was right: I did hate her for what she did and I wanted to ruin her life. The table had turned. I was the one in power and she was under my mercy. Temari stopped when I slammed my hand on the desk.

"Temari, if you take one step out of this house, I will kill you." I meant it. I felt not one drop of love for her. She was already dead to me long ago when she ripped away the one person that I loved. Call me spiteful, call me cruel, but I wanted to destroy her completely. "I will kill you, and your baby, and the man you love."

"Gaara… You…!" Her shoulders heaved. Her reaction was exactly how I imagined it. How should one handle a death threat from her own brother?

"You brought this upon yourself."

Temari drew a shuddering breath. She gritted her teeth and shook her head in disbelief. I sat back down and calmed my racing heart. I must be a sadistic man. It felt good to see Temari in tears. It was the closest I had felt toward her in a long while, now that we were suffering because of each other. She had one hand on the door knob and another on her belly.

"I will let you know when your abortion is scheduled. You may go back to your room now."

She stormed out of my office and slammed the door behind her. I picked up the phone and asked Sasori to locate an abortion clinic and schedule an appointment. I also told him to alert everyone of Temari's house arrest.

"If she tries to leave," I instructed Sasori, "then she's a traitor. They'll know what to do with traitors."

Sasori helped me find out that Temari had been seeing a man named Shikamaru for the past year. She kept it a secret because he was from Konoha. He was actually Tsunade's consigliere. For someone his age to be in that position, he must be a very smart and intelligent man. I did wonder if Temari was seduced by him for Konoha's advantages. I hoped she wasn't foolish enough to give out any of our information to him. She was definitely a traitor and I made it public to everyone. Baki was sorely disappointed. Kankuro was as well. He spent half an hour spitting profanity at her and calling her a "stupid whore". My mission was complete and I was satisfied for a short moment. As I realized that it didn't change anything that Temari was in misery, I only felt more miserable. I still broke Lee's heart. I still lived in a loveless marriage. I still had a ruined family. Temari's pain only added onto my own pain. My fit of rage did more harm than good.

And again, this was only the beginning of my troubles.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: I'm going to try to finish this fiction soon. So I can work on a new one that's forming in my head. xDD**

**Someone in a forum thought Gaara x Lee was a disturbing couple. I laughed at his ignorance. D:**

**12.03.08**

**11:46 PM**


	12. Dodici

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Dodici**

I cradled Karura in my arms. She stared up at me with her bright eyes with her fingers in her mouth. She had started teething and was becoming more irritable by the days. It was only during the rare moment when she wasn't throwing a fit or looking to put anything she could in her mouth that I was able to spend some time with her. I leaned back against the chair and lifted Karura up in the air. She cooed and laughed. Her eyes squinted and saliva drooled from her mouth. As much as I loved my daughter, her bodily fluid was a nuisance to me. She reached for my nose with her tiny fingers and smeared drool on me. Baby breath was not pleasant. I put her back on my laps and looked for a tissue to clean myself. She was six months now. Others were claiming how she had grown so much in the short time. Every time I saw her, I didn't see her growth. She was still a baby in my eyes. Karura giggled and more drool spilled from her mouth. In the midst of her babbling, she made a sound.

"Da-da!"

"What did you say?"

Karura gripped the tip of my nose and tried to tug on it. "Daaaa… daaaa… Haaaa…"

There was no telling that if she called me her father. I still amused by it nonetheless. I let her run her hands across my face. She stopped after she tried to poke my eyes and turned her head to the door. Matsuri walked in with a soft smile. She went around the desk and took Karura from my arms. I grabbed a tissue and wiped the spit on my face.

"There you are! You were with daddy." She planted a kiss on our daughter's cheek. "Oh, lookie, you're drooling all over the place. Let's clean up you, okie? Say bye-bye to daddy. Bye-bye."

"BAAAA!" Karura cried out. Her tiny hand tried to grab me as Matsuri took her out of the room. "AAAAAH!"

**--**

Temari refused to get her abortion as I had commanded. To be honest, it would not bring me any pleasure to take the baby's life. In a way, my words were an empty threat. I spoke them out of emotions instead of reasons. She had hurt me horribly, but a part of me---a large part of me---still loved her as my sister. Every time I thought of hurting her, I would remember her soft, sometimes off-key, singing that eased my troubles. I would remember the smell of her lavender-scented lotion when we shared a bed on nights that I was too afraid to sleep alone. I would remember the undercooked chocolate cake she baked for my eighth birthday. Despite how ready and willing she was to hurt me, I could not bear to do the same to her. I wanted to speak to her, but my pride stood in the way. We needed to cool our heads. The best course of action was simply to leave each other alone.

Temari stayed in her room for the majority of time. Her room, given the size of our house, was like a hotel suite, and she had everything she needed in there. She stopped eating dinner with the rest of us and ate in her room alone. I knew sometimes Matsuri would join her to keep her company, but otherwise, she didn't see anyone. On the few occasions that I bumped into her at the house, she would glare at me, instead of pretending I didn't exist like our father did. I preferred my father's way. It was easier to live with being invisible than being hated. Unlike her, I didn't bar her from having any contact with the Konoha man she was involved with. I wouldn't allow him to come near the house, but it didn't bother me that they were talking to each other. Sasori said I was letting her off easy compared to what she did to me. Perhaps, at times, I was a better person than she was.

Temari took a backseat when Sasori returned from his reconnaissance and brought me terrible news from Konoha. From the moment he stepped through the door with a stern posture, I knew things were going downhill. He took a seat and crossed his legs slightly. He told me to stay calm. I was already panicking through the roof.

"Did something happen to Lee?"

"He's missing."

Missing, that was worse than him being dead. I kept calm, as Sasori had instructed, and ran through the possible scenarios in my head. Lee could've moved away, though that was unlikely since he loved Konoha. He could've been sent on some sort of mission, though it wasn't like he was a secret agent. He could've gone on vacations, but then he wouldn't be "missing". I interlaced my fingers and put my forehead against my fists.

"He disappeared two days ago. The police are suspecting a kidnapping."

"Who would kidnap Lee?" The first culprit that came to mind was Tsunade. I knew she had been having brushes with the laws, but what good would kidnapping Lee do? She couldn't possibly imagine negotiating with the police.

Sasori shrugged his shoulders. "No one has received a ransom note."

I had kept a low profile about my ex-relationship with Lee since our break-up. If it was my enemies' doing, they wouldn't have waited two years to plot the plan. If it was a thug's quick scheme for money, he was foolish to kidnap Lee of all people. Lee had no family members, which meant there wouldn't be anyone to pay his ransom. If I were to get involved, the person would be very sorry to have touched Lee.

I had a chat with Tsunade and she agreed to keep an eye out for anything. I sent Sasori back the next day to gather more information. There was nothing I could do else except wait for news.

**--**

The much-dread news finally came to Suna at the end of the week. It was a lengthy letter sent from an old enemy I had pushed to the back of my mind. Orochimaru's letter complimented me on my success of the Kazekage and the growing prosperity of Suna under my lead. He regretted to inform me that he had taken Lee as a hostage. Dirty tricks, he said, were not his upmost choice but it was necessary to gain my full attention. Lee was under the watch of one of his subordinates and was being taken very well care of. His demand was simple and straight to the point. He wanted me to meet and discuss what to do with Lee.

"_I am very curious to know what the price you are willing to pay for the safe return of your beloved person. I look forward to hearing from you soon, my dear Kazekage."_

I crumbled his letter in my hand and threw it across the room. He had taken my father and now he was after the man I loved. For the first time in years, I felt like crying. I cupped my face in my palms and steadied myself. The worst that I feared had arrived. Tears weren't going to save Lee's life. I needed a plan. I needed to know the whereabouts of Orochimaru. I needed to know how safe Lee was in his hands. There was no guarantee that a deceitful man like Orochimaru would play by the rules. I could only cross my fingers and hoped that Lee still had all ten of _his_ fingers.

"What a mess," Sasori said after he read the letter. He looked at me and scoffed. "You are going to meet him, aren't you?"

"Yes. I have let him terrorized me for too long. I can't forgive him for involving Lee. I need to bring an end to this."

"I've heard about him. He's famous… infamous rather. He is also very dangerous."

"I'm aware of his reputation." Sasori was fast-becoming my most trusted man. I could rely on him to be on my side. "Send him a response. I will meet in him three days."

"Three days?" He raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I have to prepare myself for the worst."

Sasori nodded his head and stood up. "I don't suppose you want Baki to hear about this."

"I'll let him know if I decide it's necessary."

Sasori left the office for his task. I dropped my head on the desk. I remembered the gruesome fate of Baki's woman and pasted Lee's face to the bloody corpse on the bed. I could only find solace knowing that until we discussed the terms, Lee was useful to Orochimaru alive.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: Sorry for the delay! I've been occupied with grad school applications and studying for finals. -___-"**

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I know it's depressing… but yeah… Drop me a note and tell me what you think! : )**

**12.09.08**

**7:26 PM**


	13. Tredici

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Tredici**

Matsuri climbed into bed and propped up her pillow. She slid under the comforter and turned toward me with a soft smile. She took my hand and clasped it with hers. Her hand was cold and lubricated from hand lotion. Her whole body emitted the faint aroma of spring flowers. Her look had grown more mature in the past years. When I first met her, she was a young woman fresh out of college. Now, she was a mother and the wife of a mob boss. I loosely held her hand. My eyes wandered in front of me, looking at everything but seeing nothing. Matsuri put her head on my shoulder and heaved a content sigh.

"You know, Gaara, I was thinking that it'd be nice to get away for a while, don't you think?"

It would be very nice. Unfortunately, my current schedule prohibited any plan for vacation.

"And we didn't even go anywhere for our honeymoon. Then I had Karura. Gosh, that girl is a handful. I swear she has sugar running in her veins." She lifted her head and smiled at me. "I was thinking… I could use some time to myself, you know what I mean?"

"You want a vacation."

"Yeah, some time away from the baby."

"That sounds wonderful."

"Mmm-hmm, you probably can't come with me, huh?"

"No." I pressed my forehead against hers. "You should go anyways. Where are you thinking?"

"I read about this hot spring. It looks really nice and the food is supposed to be amazing."

"Go. You deserve it."

"Alright, I'll call a travel agency and make my booking tomorrow."

Matsuri planted a kiss on my lips. She scooted down until her head was on her pillow. She looked up at me and beamed an excited smile. I tried my best to return a spousal smile but came up short. My mind was swarming with thoughts of Lee. Did Orochimaru feed him food? If the bastard was starving Lee, it would be another reason for me to crush his brain into pieces. Matsuri drifted off to sleep quickly. I stayed wild awake, thinking how nice it would be if I could take Lee on vacation. He would have loved the hot springs.

**--**

Baki found out about Lee's kidnapping from Tsunade. It wasn't that Tsunade had any genuine concern for Lee's life; she simply could not stand the thought of Orochimaru coming into her territory and snatching one of her citizens. I had seen my share of strong women, and Tsunade definitely topped the list. Her reaction was good news for me. We formed an alliance against Orochimaru. Konoha had a longer history with him and Tsunade was able to find much information very quickly about our nemesis, the best including the location of Orochimaru's hideout. Tsunade was certain that there was where Lee was being kept.

Baki advised me against meeting with Orochimaru, as I had expected. We were both fairly certain that Orochimaru would take my life at the meeting. At the same time, it was necessary for me to distract him while we raid his hideout. I would be a decoy, a helpless sheep to tempt the hungry wolf. It would be life-threatening, but if it was for the greater good, I didn't mind.

Sasori and I waited for Bak in the lounge. We were having a discussion to carefully map out the plan and what to do in case there was an unwelcomed change of plan. To my surprise, Baki invited a guest to our meeting. He and Temari took a seat on the sofa across from me. Sasori got up and stood behind my armchair. Temari's belly had gotten bigger yet. She wore a loose fitting black dress and fuzzy slippers.

"Temari has something she'd like to tell you." Baki glanced at her, silently commanding her to start.

"It was me."

"It was you what?" I alternated my glance between my advisor and my sister. I hated being the last one to know something. What else had Temari done behind my back?

"I told Orochimaru about you and… Lee."

I could've jump up and punch my five-month-pregnant sister to the ground and kick her until she had a miscarriage. Instead, I gripped the armrest and steadied my rocketing heartbeat. I squeezed my eyes hard. I could not understand why she was still trying to hurt me. Wasn't she satisfied? Did she really want to kill Lee so that we could never be together? My chest ached at the thought of my own sister doing whatever necessary to ruin my happiness.

"Why did you do it?"

"Because I wanted to hurt you. I was so mad at you." She didn't sound like she had any regret.

I was the one who should be mad. My first instinct was to seriously beat the life out of her. There must be a gun hiding somewhere in the lounge. I stood up and walked around the coffee table. Baki and Temari tensed. Baki pushed himself up from the sofa and prepared a stance to stop me. Instead of hitting Temari like my impulse was telling me to, I kneeled in front of her and took her hand in mine. She glared at me, confused and frightened.

"Temari, this needs to stop." I squeezed her hand. "You're my sister. I love you. _Please_ stop hurting me." I didn't know if my words got to her or if she was simply hormonal from being pregnant, Temari burst into tears.

"I'm so-sorry. I-I'm sorry. I j-just… I just wanted to help you." She blubbered. Tears, like water leaking from a broken dam, washed her cheeks.

"Look at me, Temari, look at me." I cupped her face. "I'm a grown man now. I know you want what's best for me, but I can help myself. Let me take care of myself. Let me take care of you."

"I'm sorry, Gaara. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean… I didn't mean for things to get so out of hand. I-I was scared. I didn't k-know what to do! I thought… if he was g-gone, e-everything would back to n-normal."

"Everything is going to be fine. I will deal with it." I shushed her and embraced her. She wrapped her arms around me and cried loudly on my shoulder. I couldn't recall a time when I had ever seen Temari cried so loud. She once fell off the stairs and broke her leg, but she didn't even make a sound. Holding her now, her body trembling, I finally understood how vulnerable my tough big sister actually was. She was strong on the surface, a façade that she needed to maintain the family. I never realized how much I had taken her sacrifices for granted. Often times when we were frightened, we would do drastic things to obtain a false sense of safety. I broke our hug and rubbed her arms. "Why don't you go get some rest, okay?"

"O-Okay. I'm sorry, I really am. You d-don't have to forgive me. I k-know I was w-wrong. I just… I just…"

"I forgive you."

"Oh, G-Gaara…"

She cried into her palms. I helped her stand from the sofa and felt how heavy her body had become over the past months. I leaded her to the door of the lounge and allowed her to walk herself back to her room. Very soon, there would be another baby running in the house. The noise level would go up. Karura would have a cousin to play with. I wondered if she planned to get married with the father of her child. I would prefer it if the baby wasn't born out of wedlock. As she walked up the spiral staircase, I called her name. She stopped and looked over the railings.

"What is it?"

She opened her mouth in confusion and stared at me blankly for a few seconds. Then she caught on to what I was asking and looked down at her belly. She sniffled and put her hand on the bump. She smiled, the way that I had always known her to: full of radiance and gentleness.

"It's a boy, Gaara."

"Good."

**--**

We had a secret meeting with Tsunade the next night. The plan was agreed by both sides. Sasori and I would go meet Orochimaru. Baki and our team would join the Konoha team to retrieve Lee. In return for their help, Tsunade wanted us to help her bring back one of her missing men. The team she was sending consisted of her apprentice, Sakura, a loudmouth blonde named Naruto, and a strange man with a smile that was more chilling than friendly. Tsuande gave me the expected warning to be careful of Orochimaru; he had many tricks up his sleeves. I found out that he had actually tried to attack Tsunade right after he murdered the previous Hokage. He was a bloodthirsty snake with an insatiable appetite.

With everything set in motion, I had a brief moment of peace. I was confident that we would get Lee back safely from Orochimaru's clutch. I spent the morning with Matsuri and Karura. Our daughter had a rare moment of calmness as she emptied her bottle of formula milk. Matsuri and I talked over breakfast. She told me more about the hot spring and what she planned to do there.

"If the place's any good, we can go back another time, right?"

"Sure."

After breakfast, it was time for Matsuri to leave. I walked her out to the car with Karura in my arms. Her luggage was put in the trunk. She climbed in the backseat and sat on the edge. She pulled Karura on her laps and tickled her. She placed a loud kiss on Karura's cheek and snuggled our daughter. I retook Karura and exchanged a chaste kiss with Matsuri. I closed the car door for her. She rolled down the window and waved good-bye at me.

"See you in a week!"

I watched the car pull out of the gate from the front door. Karura cooed in my arm and put her saliva-coated fingers to my lips. I smiled at her. It was the closest thing to a kiss she could give me until she was older. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Yura lingering behind the hedges. I hadn't seen him in a while. He was an associate of Kankuro and usually hung close with him, which meant he was normally at the pub.

Yura stared at the direction of Matsuri's car. He fidgeted and shuffled his feet. He looked away from the driveway. His eyes landed on me. He quickly looked away and staggered out of sight. The bad feeling seized over me like a heart attack. I turned my head toward the car. In an instant, it was enveloped in hot flame and heavy smoke. Karura cried loudly, startled by the sudden explosion. I ducked and sheltered her with my body as metal pieces of the car propelled through the air, like meteors from the sky.

I kept Karura's face pressed against my pounding chest. She screamed and kicked wildly. The fire roared in front of the house. Two of my men grabbed me and pulled me back inside the house. My ears went deaf from the boom. All I could hear was my voice repeating to myself, "My wife is dead."

**--**

**Boyue's Note: From what I've heard, in Italy, 13 is a lucky number. I'm done with school! Yay! That means more time to write. I'm very excited about where this is going and well, I hope you are too! I think we're looking at about 5 more chapters. o3o**

**Also, I've put up a Work Journal section on my profile. It's where I'll keep you lovelies updated on what I'm doing. If I disappear for a week, that may be the place to look for where I have gone off to.**

**Until next chapter! =D**

**12.12.08**

**11:54 PM**


	14. Quattordici

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**News flash: Matsuri has been killed by rabid GaaLee fangirls! o.o;;**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Quattordici**

Kankuro slammed Yura's head against the hard table. Yura cried like a lost child and begged me to forgive him. I kept my cold stare on him as Kankuro punched him on his already-bloodied nose. Yura fell back against the cheap chair and dropped on the floor. He crawled toward me and grabbed my leg. He looked up at me and begged me again. Kankuro yanked him by his hair and kicked his face. Two teeth flew out from his bruised mouth.

"Fucking no-good bastard!" Knakuro struck him in the stomach. "Piece of shit!"

"P-Please, S-Sir, I didn't h-have a ch-choice," Yura slurred after he spit out blood.

"Who put you up to it? Was it Orochimaru?"

The car that Matsuri rode in was usually my car, which meant that I was the actual target. Matsuri was at the wrong place at the wrong time. My hope of giving Karura a normal life was evaporated by the flame. She was going to grow up in a broken family with no mother and an absent father. She had been crying non-stop since the explosion. She wanted no one else but her mother. It was impossible to explain to her that her mother was dead. Useless in alleviating my daughter's suffering, I turned my frustration to the culprit. We caught Yura at the border, trying to leave Suna. After half an hour of Kankuro's specialty interrogating, he admitted to rigging the car. He admitted to trying to kill me. But he wouldn't say who was behind him.

"I-I… Please, Sir, please. I-I d-didn't want to! But… I didn't have a choice. I was blackmailed. They were going to kill my m-mother. She's eighty years old, Sir… Please, please…"

"Fuck you, motherfucker!" Kankuro threw another punch his way. "You know your loyalty is to us first. We could protect your mom."

"I-I know… B-But you don't understand!" Yura's face was a bloody pulp. I doubted his mother could even recognize him. "They aren't like… They're really d-dangerous!"

"I want a name."

"I-I can't, Sir. You gotta u-understand." He crawled to my side and bowed his head down. "Oh please, you gotta understand."

"I want a name, Yura. If you don't give me a name, I'll kill you, your mother, your uncles, aunts, your cousins, your nieces and nephews. And you can explain to them in Hell why you wouldn't give me a name."

"I-I can't! I don't know even who they are! You gotta believe me, Sir. Please, please…"

I stood up from my seat. Yura hugged my leg and made a last effort to beg me to spare his life. I knocked him away and headed for the door. Kankuro picked him off the floor and threw him against the wall.

"What you want me to do with him, Gaara?"

"I don't care."

"Gaara, Sir, p-please! Kankuro! Kan-Kankuro!"

**--**

I didn't have proper time to mourn for Matsuri. Sasori drove me to Oto for my meeting with Orochimaru. It was a small restaurant that was partially under construction. Oto was located in a poor area with little business value. He was having a hard time getting his foot off the ground. It explained why he kidnapped Lee. His subordinate, a glasses-wearing man by the name of Kabuto, checked Sasori and I for any weapon we had. He allowed me further into the restaurant where Orochimaru was waiting. Sasori and he stayed in the foyer. I could trust Sasori to keep Kabuto under control when the time came.

"Ah, my dear Kazekage, it's very glad to see you. You've grown."

It was the first time I had seen my father's murderer face-to-face. He was more hideous in person than the picture I had seen. He was pale with long, greasy hair. His eyes suffered from jaundice. He looked like a walking corpse. I situated myself across from him. He was eating a plate of steak and white rice. He offered me a drink, which I denied.

"I want to hear Lee's voice."

"Of course you may. Young love---it is a wonderful thing, isn't it?" He took out his phone and called a number. He set the phone down on the table and turned it to speakerphone. "Kimimaro, please bring Lee to the phone." We heard shuffling on the other line. My heart pounded when I heard Lee's faint grunt. "Hello, Lee. How are you feeling?"

"Who are you…? What do you want… from me?" Lee asked weakly. I could tell from his voice that Orochimaru hadn't been treating him right. No matter how exhausted Lee was, he was always energetic. I glared up at Orochimaru.

"Don't worry. You'll be free soon." Orochimaru ended the call and looked up at me with a sly smile. "Shall we proceed then?"

"What is it you want?"

"The obvious is, of course, Suna. As you can see, Oto is a rather difficult plot to work with." He took a sip from his glass of red wine. "But taking Suna out of your hands will be an unwise move for me. Your people will remain loyal to you. They will revolt and I will suffer a great loss."

"Don't waste my time."

"Ah, straight to the business, that's why I like you, Gaara." He licked his lips and dabbed his mouth with the napkin. "That is precisely why I desire you above all."

"No." I narrowed my eyes. Orochimaru was out of his mind. I wasn't going to bend over for anyone. He wanted to control me so he could control Suna. It was a smart plan but that wasn't going to happen.

"Are you sure, Kazekage? I know it is a little much to ask your life in exchange for your lover, but I'll treat you very well."

"No." The truth was even if I didn't know where his hideout was and had no other mean of rescuing Lee, I wouldn't agree to Orochimaru's terms. I couldn't bring myself to trade my life for his. I loved him, but I loved myself more. More so, I had responsibilities to Suna. People looked to me to keep their lives safe. I couldn't resign them over to Orochimaru over one person. It wouldn't be a fair trade. If Lee knew of my situation, I was sure he would understand.

"That is a very foolish decision." He reached for his phone and made his call.

"Sasori!" I screamed.

In the foyer, the sound of struggling came immediately. Orochimaru's surprised eyes fell on me. I leaped across the table and tackled him to the carpeted floor. The phone flew out of his grip. I landed a punch on his jaw. He was taller than I was and had an advantage over me. He grabbed my neck and started to choke me. I tensed my muscles. I scratched his eyes with my nails, which caused him to loosen his hold long enough that I could punch him in the chest. He coughed and groaned, but it didn't weaken his strangle. I could feel my windpipe nearly crushing under his strong fingers. I yanked the table cloth and the eating utensils clattered around us. I fumbled my hand and grabbed the first thing I found. I smashed the wine glass against his head. It left small gashes as it shattered broke off. I jabbed the broken part deep in his eye. He screamed and released me as his hands moved to cover his bleeding eyeball. I took a sharp inhale of air and readied for my counter attack. I slashed the broken glass over his cheeks left to right, left to right, left to right. His blood spitted at my face, but I didn't stop. My self-restrain went loose. My arm moved on its own, like someone was controlling me through a remote. I lifted the remaining of the glass high and stabbed him in his throat with as much force as I could muster. He was hardly moving anymore by then. The glass turned into the shards that lodged deep in my flesh. I didn't even feel the pain. I grabbed the steak knife off the floor. I had been waiting for this moment: to avenge my father's death and to punish him for what he did to Lee. I raised the knife and aimed for the artery. A drop of blood tickled my eyelash. My lips pulled itself to a wide grin as I swung the knife down. But it didn't hit Orochimaru. I looked over and saw Sasori gripping my arm. He was a little ruffled up from his subduing of Kabuto. I let my arms down. Orochimaru was a mess but he was alive and he was mocking me with a haughty laugh.

"You will regret this, Gaara of Suna," he slurred.

I dropped the knife. I saw my hands, mixed with Orochimaru's and my own blood. I saw the glass in my flesh, leaving me future scars. I felt accomplished and haunted. I almost killed someone with my own hands if Sasori hadn't stopped me. I would've been a murderer… just like him. I had ordered hits before but I had never been there to see the lifeless body of my victims. I gulped hard. A nausea rose from the pit of my stomach. I didn't like what I had become. Or perhaps, it was who I really was.

"We need to go. Kabuto called back-up." Sasori lifted me off the floor and put one arm around my waist. He guided me out of the restaurant. Kabuto was lying on his side, groaning at a broken wrist.

We staggered out of the entrance. The car was ready and waiting. Sasori opened the driver's door and reached in to receive his gun. I stood there and waited him to open the door for me. I was unable to move. I could barely stand on my own. Everything in front of me was hazy, like I had lost my contact lenses. I, for a second, forgot where I was. The lack of oxygen in my brain was playing tricks on my mind. I could see Sasori's mouth moving, but I couldn't hear a word he was saying. Instead, I heard Lee's voice swimming through my ears.

"Gaara, shall we see a movie tonight?"

"Do you like green pepper?"

"Where did I put my sweater…?"

"I run five miles and do a hundred push-ups every day."

"I want to grow my own vegetables in my backyard. Some day!"

"Gaara… I miss you."

"Gaara… I love you."

"Gaara…"

"DIE!"

I turned around out of impaired instincts. Kabuto aimed a gun at me and pulled the trigger. Time, like the special effect in a movie, slowed down. I saw the spark as the gun pushed the bullet out of its barrel. I saw the bullet cutting through the air toward me. I saw its grey tail of smoke. I heard the echo of the blast. I blinked but it felt like I had closed my eyes for ten hours. I wasn't sure if it was true that a person's life flash before his eyes when his death was near. I only saw Lee and hated that I had to wait until he die to see him again. The biggest problem was that I didn't ever want him to do. Besides, I was sure we would go to separate places after death.

Lee was a beautiful lotus, untouched by the filth of the world. I didn't deserve to have him. My blood-stained hands would taint his purity. Still… I wished I could hold his hand just one more time.

I opened my eyes. Only quarter of a second had passed. I saw the back of Sasori's head. His weight fell on me and I stumbled backward to the car. I held him by his arms. He twitched as the second bullet Kabuto fired drilled through his shoulder. Now I had his blood on my hands too. Sasori raised his gun and shot Kabuto until he hit the ground with a loud thud.

Then his knees gave out and he slid to the ground against me. I dragged him to the backseat. He was shot in the shoulder and about an inch below his ribcage. I was no medical expert and could only hope his wounds weren't fatal. The trip back to Suna would take half an hour at the quickest. Other hospitals would ask too many questions and were likely to turn us over to the police.

"Hang on, Sasori," I said as I stomped on the pedal.

Sasori grunted in the backseat and tossed. I watched him through the rearview mirror. He was losing blood fast and I hadn't been calm enough to give him first-aid before I threw him in the car. I speeded through traffic, keeping an eye out for any meddlesome patrol car.

"Sasori, talk to me." He groaned and didn't give a verbal response. "Talk to me!"

"What… do you want me… to say…?"

"Tell me… Tell me about your boyfriend."

"Ha… Brat." Sasori mumbled something I couldn't hear over the car engine. "Deidara… He is… from Iwa…"

Sasori related to me the story of how they had met. His boyfriend fell head-over-hills for him and wouldn't leave him alone for months until Sasori finally agreed to go on a date with him. Sasori called him a brat because he was eight years older than his boyfriend. He went on to tell little incidents of their love life. I could tell that he was deeply in love.

"He can make… amaze… sculptures… out… clays… Art… e-eternal… bang…"

By the time we arrived at the emergency entrance of the Suna hospital, Sasori was grumbling nonsense. His eyes were out of focus and his body was cold and limp. The staff took to treating him immediately, under my threat of death if they didn't save Sasori's life. A trembling nurse tended to my wounds. She kept her head down and didn't dare to look at me. I left the treatment room and went over to the ER waiting room for Sasori. I slumped against the wall and waited. There was nothing else I could do.

Baki had refused to let me know the location of Orochimaru's hideout in fear that I would do something stupid. He hadn't called yet, which meant he was still struggling with his mission to rescue Lee or he had failed miserably and was captured or dead. When they found out what I had done to Orochimaru, his subordinates would probably kill Lee. If that was the case, I only prayed that Lee would have a quick and painless death. There were many things they could do to him. They could torture him. They could skin him. Burn him. Bury him alive. Amputate his limbs. Bleed him dry. Starve him. Poison him. Rape him. Make him a sex slave. A prostitute. A drug-addict. The list went on and on.

I covered my face with my bandaged hands. I could only wait for the worst.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: SasoDei is my second favorite Naruto pairing, in case you haven't caught on. xDD**

**Poor Matsuri… No one liked her! D':**

**Anyhow! Since the holidays are coming up, I'm thinking of writing a one-shot story for each of my reviewer as a present… because you guys are awesome. =) So, if there is something in particular that you like, send me a PM and I'll see what I can do. If not, then await your surprise! ^o^**

**Until next chapter! =D**

**12.13.08**

**10:14 PM**


	15. Quindici

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Quindici**

A boy was wailing next to me. He had a bandage on his forehead. His mother cradled him in her arms and rocked him back and forth. It was no use. The boy's cry echoed through the waiting room. He kept screaming for his daddy. The mother stared blankly ahead of her. She was completely disheveled with dried tears staining her cheeks. They were in their pajamas and the boy was barefooted. I could come up with many possible scenario of what happened to the family. The mother's eyes turned to me in a mechanical way after she caught me staring at her.

"You're the Kazekage." She hugged her boy tight and glared at me with wide eyes. "How could you let this happen?"

I didn't have any idea what she was talking about. I assumed she was blaming for her husband's misfortunate. "You have my condolence for whatever happened to your husband."

"A man broke into our house. He tried to rape me in front of my little boy," she shouted, each word louder than the last. "He stabbed my husband five times! It's all your fault! You were supposed to protect us! But no, you weren't there, were you, Oh-so-mighty-Kazekage? You were too busy in your big mansion, counting the money you took from us!"

I looked away. Her little boy wiggled free from his mother's arm. The mother was still screaming at me over how I failed to help them. The boy ran toward me and stomped hard on my foot. I winced at the pain but didn't do anything to scold the child. His lips twitched and he started crying as he threw weak punches at me.

"Daddy can't die," he shrieked, "Daddy can't die!" He tugged at my shirt. "Why you didn't help Daddy?"

His mother pulled him away from me and walked to another area of the waiting room. My answer to him would have been that I couldn't help everyone at once. I could stop a gun robbery but two blocks down an old lady would be mugged. I could stop a theft auto but someone's house would get broken into. I could save one life and three more would die within the next ten seconds. Being the Kazekage didn't mean being a god, not even close. I was, at best, a leader who made risky decisions that weren't always for the good of the people. But every mistake I made, I learned something from it. I grew stronger and smarter. Maybe one day, I would be able to save two people at two different times and places. Until then, I could only hang my head low and admit that I had failed miserably.

A surgeon walked out of the ER. Everyone in the waiting room lifted their heads and looked eagerly at the surgeon. Some of them were sitting here long before I did and had exhausted all of their tears. Others filed in after me and continued the symphony of sobs. We all fell quiet and hoped that the doctor was walking toward us to give the good or bad news.

The surgeon stood in front of me and heaved an exhausted sigh. "Sir, we've stabilized him. He's unconscious right now but you may see him if you wish."

**--**

The heart monitor beeped at regular intervals. The air condition hummed. I leaned back against the white plastic chair and watched Sasori's chest move, like I was trying to assure myself that he was really alive. I didn't understand all of the medical details that his attending doctor explained to me. What I understood mostly was that Sasori might have survived two bullets and twenty minutes of blood loss, but there were consequences. Some of his brain cells were damaged from lack of sufficient oxygen. We wouldn't be sure what the extent would be until Sasori was awake.

It had been three hours since I came to the hospital. Sasori was still unconscious. I hadn't heard a thing about Lee. No news telling me if he made it out alive or if he had been grounded into a meat paste and fed to guard dogs. I speculated the worst: they were all dead and dumped into the ocean. I speculated the best: they were having a celebration party without me. My fantasies kept me from running into the street, screaming at the top of my lungs, and pulling my hair out.

"… I'm a-alive..."

I perked and scooted my chair close to the bed. I towered over the waking Sasori and finally breathed comfortably in the stifled hospital room. He was dazed. His eyes were groggy and his complexion pale. But he was alive and he was talking and moving his head. He tilted his head toward me and somewhat blinked; only his left eyelid closed, his right stayed half-open. It almost looked like he winked at me.

"You saved me, Sasori."

"No need to thank… me," he whispered barely. His chest raised and fell dramatically to keep up with his speaking effort. "Were you hurt?"

"You took two bullets for me."

A corner of his lips pulled up to a lop-sided smile. "What are… friends for, hmm?"

I put a similar smile on my face. I never had a friend before. I was friends with my siblings, but they were my siblings first and foremost. I dated Lee, so he was my lover before he was my friend. Baki was my mentor. The last person that I could share my deep thoughts with was my uncle, and he had been dead for years. It was relieving to know that I had a friend, and I was glad that it was Sasori. For a short moment, I was content.

"Would you like me to contact Chiyo? And your boyfriend?"

Sasori rolled his head to the other side. His breathing slowed down and his body went limp. I waited impatiently for a response. My eyes kept glancing at the heart monitor. I had heard about medical cases where a stabilized person crashed after a while. The monitor beeped without interruption. The heartbeat rate dropped but it didn't sound the danger rapid beeps. I leaned close and heard him snoring very softly. I supposed his brief waking was just his way of telling me he was alive, so stop worrying. Now that I didn't need to occupy my thoughts with Sasori, all of my attention returned to Lee. Baki should've called by now. I settled back into the chair and literally twiddled my thumbs and waited again.

**--**

Baki's call came forty minutes later. I rushed out of Sasori's room to answer the call. My body was shaking with nervousness that it took two tries before my index finger landed on the Answer button. The line connected. I heard Baki coughed and sighed. In the background, I heard hushed whispering. My heartbeats rang so loud in my ears I couldn't hear myself think.

"Baki? Where is Lee?"

"We got him out. He's at Konoha hospital." He sounded very tired and drowsy, like I had woken him from a good sleep.

I clutched my shirt and gritted my teeth. My eyes glistened up with tears. Lee was alive; it was the best news I had heard my entire life. I took a long breath of air, letting it fill up my lungs with hope and relief. My worst fear had passed. Now everything was going only to look up.

"I wanted to wait until we made sure everything was settled before I gave you a call." At the end of his sentence, Baki sighed again. I could hear in his tone that there was something he was leaving out.

"Is Lee hurt?" I hoped it was only a few scraps and scratches.

"Well… I don't know the full details myself." I didn't like the way he said his words. It sounded like he was trying to sugar-coat the truth.

"Is he _hurt_? Yes or no?"

"Yes, but he is fine… There were struggles. He got caught in the middle and---" Baki got cut off. I heard shuffling and the phone knocking into something.

"Baki? Answer me!"

"Gaara," a woman's voice took over, "it's Tsunade. I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just go ahead and say it." She scoffed and grumbled quickly, "I don't even know why I'm getting involved. Anyways…"

"What happened to Lee?" I enunciated each word precisely to stress my impatience. Tsunade was a renowned surgeon before she succeeded as the Hokage. I could trust her medical expertise and for her to tell me the accurate facts.

"There is an injury to his spine. Fluids are drowning his nerves." Her trained, impersonal surgeon's voice kicked in. I suddenly wondered if she had killed more people as the Hokage or a surgeon.

"What does that mean?"

"He is currently paralyzed from the waist down."

The relief I felt a moment ago was hurled away by a tornado of anxiety. Life was full of irony. Lee, the most active person I knew, was paralyzed. I imagined Lee in a wheelchair and winced at the mental image of wheeling his way around the house. I thought of his law enforcement career. He couldn't advance very far if he was handicapped. He could even be forced to retire from the force. A retired officer at the age of 26 and only after two years in it, it would crush him.

Tsunade went on explaining Lee's condition. "We could do a surgery to drain the fluids. With physical therapy, he'll be able to walk again. The earlier we do it, the easier it would be for him."

"And the catch…?" Nothing good in my world ever came without a bad to accompany it.

"Heh, smart. Alright, it's a very dangerous procedure. There is a good chance, and I mean like 40, 50% chance, that he will die on the operating table."

Be paralyzed or be dead: it wasn't hard to pick the lesser of two evils. If I knew anything about Lee, he would rather die than live as a cripple. Then again, I knew he was strong enough to make a life for himself even if he was immobilized. But the ultimate choice wasn't up to me. Lee would make the right decision for himself.

"You coming to see him?"

"I… No… I can't."

"Is that so? He is sleeping now. He wouldn't know if you were here."

"No… I…"

"Fine." She hung up on me.

I didn't want o see Lee on the hospital bed. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I had already taken too much today. I would lose it if I saw my love hooked to machines and IV. For now, I only wanted to enjoy the fact that he was alive. It was my fault he was hurt. The mother in the waiting room was right. I had the power to protect people. I was _supposed_ to protect people. Yet, everyone around me kept getting hurt while I only stood by and watched. I wanted to hide. I wanted to go home, pack my bags, and leave Suna for good. I wanted to disappoint everyone even more. I wanted to run away.

I glanced down at the pavement and saw a bug with only one wing. It tried to fly but couldn't. It stalked around the ground, like it was trying to find its missing wing. It hurried with its tiny legs and made another attempt to take off. It flew about half centimeter off the ground before it crash-landed. It moved to another spot and tried and failed again. I walked over and squished it under my foot. A crippled bug wouldn't live past the next hour. I scraped its guts off the sole of my shoe. Looking at the unrecognizable carcass of the bug, I decided that I would never want to be a crippled bug in this world. I wanted to be strong and powerful. It meant that I had to fight hard and dirty. I had to be ruthless. I had to do whatever it was needed to ensure my survival. I couldn't be the victim anymore. I had to be the victimizer.

It meant that I couldn't run away from my problems. The first thing on my To-Do list: Kill Orochimaru.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: Uh. Yeah. I'm not sure if Lee's "paralyzed or dead" condition is medically correct. But hey, anything is possible in the fiction world! If his surgery fails, he can even be turned into a penguin! O.o;;**

**If something doesn't make sense, or you have questions, wait until the end to see if your questions are answered. If they aren't (and please do tell me), then I have failed you and need to work very hard on my plot holes. Orz**

**Stay warm and dry! (It's raining where I live. T-T)**

**12.14.08**

**11:58 PM**


	16. Sedici

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Sedici**

My plan to kill Orochimaru was to strike fast and hard. Giving him time to recuperate would be a deadly mistake, and I had made enough mistakes to know that this wasn't one that I should make. Lee and Sasori, two of my most valued people, were lying in the hospital half-dead because of him. How was I supposed to face them if I didn't present them Orochimaru's head? I didn't fail to avenge my father; I only left the job unfinished. And I was a man who didn't like unfinished jobs. Baki had a different idea, as per usual, and challenged my proposed plan.

"Orochimaru is going to be expecting you. Going after him now will be nothing but trouble."

"Precisely, Baki. He knows that I know how dangerous it is to go after him, which is why he'll let his guard down. He thinks I'll be too afraid, but he's going to be wrong. We strike now and he'll be dead by the end of this week."

"You're making assumptions based off nothing, Gaara."

"I know how he thinks. He thinks I'm a kid. He thinks I listen to your every word. He knows what you'll tell me and he assumes that I'll listen. We have a good opportunity here, Baki, and I'm not going to let it pass."

"You're talking out of your ass. This is too risky. You're upset and you're acting out of your emotions. I know you want to get him bad, but it doesn't mean you can rush in without thinking."

"I've thought about it over and over. I've been waiting for this, Baki." I glared up at him, reaffirming my status as the boss and his as the subordinate. "Are you going to stop me from getting my revenge?"

"As your consigliere, I give you only advices that I think are for our best interests."

"Then I'm sorry to say that I won't be heeding this advice."

"Listen to yourself, Gaara, you---"

"Baki!" I slammed a hand on the desk. "I'm the Kazekage. I call the shots. I say we kill Orochimaru now. And if you try to stop me, I won't have a need for you anymore."

Baki's shoulders fell. He squeezed his nose bridge and shook his head repeatedly in disapproval. He left my office. Knowing him, he wasn't going to let the issue drop. For now, I had to assemble a team to help me infiltrate Oto and take Orochimaru down.

**--**

Without Sasori as my go-between to Konoha, I had to rely on Tsunade to give me news of Lee's condition. In addition to his paralysis, Lee wasn't doing so well. Tsunade suspected that he was becoming depressed. He had a low appetite and wouldn't eat as much as he should. He hardly slept and had to be sedated so his body could rest. He didn't want to see anyone and said no more than ten words to everyone. As for the surgery, Tsunade told me that Lee rejected it; not only was it too risky, he simply didn't have the money to pay for the expensive procedure.

"I'll pay for all of his expenses," I told Tsunade on the phone. "Just make sure he doesn't find out."

"That's not going to work. I don't know how much Orochimaru told him, but he knows about you and Suna. He told his doctors he doesn't want your dirty money."

I had gained another reason to kill Orochimaru. I should've expected this to happen. I should've known that Orochimaru would play dirty tricks. Lee, righteous and a firm believer of justice, would of course rejected my business. It was one of the biggest obstacles facing our relationship in the past. I didn't want him to know. I could imagine that he felt cheated by me. Maybe, he was even disgusted. He had been involved with a mob boss without even knowing it. Lee was a forgiving person, but I doubted he would forgive me for my deception. I came into his life pretending to be someone else. Now that he knew who I was without the mask, he must despite me. I thought that it might actually be better that he would get over me. I had imprisoned him for two years. He deserved so much better than me.

"If you want to come see him, it's fine. I'll tell the men to stand down. You can probably clear things up with him."

"I highly doubt he wants to see me."

"You won't know 'till you show your face."

"That won't be necessary."

"Suit yourself."

I could tell that Tsunade probably wouldn't be updating me on Lee's condition anymore. She was really a bossy lady. She wanted me to face Lee and work out our problems. But she didn't understand how difficult it would be. Sometimes, talking wasn't sufficient enough in solving issues. Currently, talking was the last thing on my list. My top propriety on my agenda was to kill Orochimaru.

To fight an evil like him, I needed a darker evil. There was only one person I could think of. I took a trip to the rehabilitation center in the outskirt of Suna.

**--**

I walked into the patient lounge. It was furnished with wore couches and old tables. A small television occupied the corner and all the seats were facing that direction. There were two bookshelves, crowded with classic novels and magazines. The television was turned on but muted. An infomercial soundlessly explained the wonder of its magic mop. There was only one person in the lounge besides me. He sat in front of the television with his back turned to me. His sand-colored hair, with blue highlights, was tied into a ponytail. Even though he was sitting, I could tell that he was taller I was. He kept his eyes on the flashing screen, unaware or uninterested of my presence.

I made my way toward him and took a seat on the armchair facing side-way. He moved his eyes without moving his head and took a quick look at me. Then his attention was back to the infomercial. He was probably ten years older than me with dark amber eyes and faint crowfeet around them. He was wearing a light brown night robe. We sat without saying a word to each other. The only sound was the humming of the years-old television. We---or rather, he---watched the infomercial attentively. Every now and then, he would make an approving "hmm" and nodded his head. When the mop infomercial was over, he reached for the remote and turned off the television. It was a signal for me to speak.

"I need you to help me kill someone."

"Oh that, yeah, I don't do that anymore," he slurred like he was drunk.

"This one, you'll want to kill."

"Is that so, boy? Heh, and who may this special person be?" His eyes lit up with mild amusement.

"Orochimaru."

He clicked his tongue and rubbed his face. "I haven't heard that guy's name in 15 years."

"He killed my father and he injured two of my friends."

"Friends? Boy, you are the only person you can trust."

"You're the best killer Suna has ever known."

"That I am," he said proudly and grinned at me. "But what are you going to give me in return for my service?"

"You'll have immunity. You'll walk out of here as a free man. No one will touch you."

"Oooh, that I like."

"I look forward to your assistance, Shukaku."

"The pleasure's all mine, Kazekage."

**--**

Asking for Shukaku's help was surely an unsafe choice. He was about as mentally stable as a boat in the middle of a storm. He was, without a doubt, the most skilled assassin in Suna, but he was very deranged. He was the man who tried to kill me at my third birthday party. He claimed he did it because he didn't like the color of the shirt I was wearing. I kept an eye out for any movement he made and made sure that he didn't have a weapon within his reach. I was certain he could kill a man with a toothpick if he wanted to. With Shukaku on the team, I was ready to set out. After a weeklong worth of researches, I learned that Orochimaru was currently staying in a hospital in Taki. Oto was too small a city to have its own hospital. It was a good thing that he was in Taki since it was a neutral zone, which meant I wouldn't be crossing anyone's territory.

At nine o'clock, we made our way to Taki. Baki had tried to persuade me not to go personally. But I had to kill Orochimaru with my own hands or else I would feel incomplete. During the entire two hour ride, Shukaku stuck his head out the car window and hummed an endless tune that went whatever direction he made up. I religiously checked my coat pocket to make sure that my gun was still there. I hoped I wouldn't have to put a bullet between Shukaku's eyes if he got out of hands. His humming, however, was tipping me close to the edge.

I had made contact with the Taki's hospital administrators about a potential "disturbance" that would take place on the hospital ground. They were wise to not stand in the middle of a mob war. The hospital was virtually devoid of anyone. The patients were all safely secured in the wards. Only a few staffs patrolled the floors. Shukaku and I made our way to the third floor. The rest of the men stayed outside and guarded the entrances of the hospital.

As we walked down the barren hall, Shukaku started to whistle the same tune. His song echoed through the dim hallway, accompanied by the faint beeping of machines and the rhythmic clicking of our shoes against the mopped floor. I went through my head the many possible ways to kill Orochimaru. Each method thrilled me and I found myself quickening my steps. Shukaku lagged behind. He opened doors and peeped into the patient rooms and his eyes wandered to the ceiling, to the walls, and to the floor. He seemed more interested in exploring the hospital than what I hired him to do.

His humming and our obvious footsteps alerted someone. Two doors before we reached Orochimaru's room, a grey-haired man walked out, aiming a gun at our direction. He fired and this time, I was smart enough to dodge the shot. I returned fire and missed, having hardly ever shot a gun before. The man ran toward us as he continued shooting at us. I fell behind to avoid the rapid bullets. Shukaku maneuvered his way through the barrage of bullets and tackled the man to the ground even after taking three bullets. I wasn't sure where he had obtained it, but Shukaku pulled out a scalpel. He severed the man's artery in one slice. I hurried toward him and immediately wished that I had stayed away. I didn't know why he was slicing the man's skin off like it was pastrami. I saw the exposed underlying face muscles. Shukaku concentrated hard. With the delicacy of an artist, he worked the scalpel to the man's neck after cutting off nearly half of his face. Shukaku was bleeding from his bullet wounds but he wasn't even frayed by them. His brows knitted as he sliced off the man's ear, then the other one. I narrowed my eyes and left him be.

I walked into Orochimaru's room. He was lying on the bed, helpless as a newborn baby. His one visible eye opened wide and glared at me. He pushed himself up with his elbows. I should've broken his limbs instead of just cutting his face with glass. I fired a shot and hit his shoulder, which wasn't my original aim. He screamed and fell back against the bed post. He put his hand over his wound, his free hand reached under his pillow. It was a gun. I caught on quick. Before he had a chance to shoot me, I fired another shot. The bullet pierced through his other shoulder, which was where I had wanted to hit. Now, he couldn't use his arms.

"Hello, Orochimaru. It's so nice to see you again."

"Haaahaaa, Gaara, have you come to kill me? You can't kill me." Even when faced with death, he was a cocky bastard.

I moved next to the bed and checked my work. His arms were useless. Unless he intended to kill me, I had the upper hand. I knocked his gun to the floor and lowered my gun. Shooting him to death wasn't how I planned to end him. I pulled out a switchblade and pulled the blade out. He looked at it and laughed haughtily.

"If you kill me, you'll regret it, Kazekage."

"I can't see why I would."

I brought the blade down and stabbed him in the stomach. He groaned and his upper body jerked. I twisted the knife to make sure I hit an organ. I wiped it back out and blood soaked his white hospital gown. He chuckled even as blood seeped from his mouth. I picked another spot on his body and stabbed the knife in. His eyelids fluttered in pain. I brought me great joy to see him suffer under my torture. I tore open his gown and snarled at his exposed body. His body was scrawny and his skin was even paler than his face. I traced the tip of the blade from his navel to his chest, successfully allowing blood to ooze out. I saw his hand moving to grab me. I grabbed his hand and swung the blade, cutting off his index finger and leaving deep gush in his middle finger. He shrieked and thrashed his legs.

"You'll regret this! You'll regret this!"

I took the pleasure of blinding his remaining eye. The blade was well-lubricated with his blood that it went smoothly in and out of anywhere I wanted. I stabbed his stomach a few more times. Chunks of his flesh were removed by the knife. For the finale, I plunged the knife deep into his heart. He gagged and spitted blood at my face. I twisted the blade all the way around. His face wrenched as his life dwindled.

"Y-You…will… regret…. this…" were his last words before his body went limp. His blinded eyes crusted with blood. His mouth gaped open with blood, like a bowl of fruit punch. He was dead. He was finally dead.

I took a long breath to cleanse my body of the hate I had harbored for him. I had delivered my vengeance. My father could rest in peace. My siblings would be proud of me. Sasori and Lee's suffering were paid back. I staggered out of the room to find Shukaku still working on Orochimaru's subordinate. He sliced off a piece of the forearm skin like he was skinning an apple. I realized that he was doing it out of pure amusement. Disfiguring his victims pleasured him, like a child took pleasure in playing with a new toy.

"Let's go."

Shukaku glanced up at me. He dropped the scalpel and stepped away from his unfinished project. He stared past me with small grin on his face. I turned my head and gasped when I saw a raven-haired man looking at us. From his look, he seemed to be one of Orochimaru's men. I drew my gun and was ready to kill him. Instead, he gave an uninterested glance at the dead man on the floor. He didn't even seem disgusted by the sight. He turned around and walked away slowly, like that wasn't a gun pointing at the back of his head.

I had killed a man with my hands. There was a strange sensation in that. For one, I was thrilled that I had killed a man who deserved to die long ago. Then there was the simply pleasure of remembering how weak Orochimaru was on his death bed. Next was a disturbing realization that I had enjoyed taking his life. His blood pleased me. His screams excited me. A dead Orochimaru made me a happy person. My lips pulled to a wide smile. I was a murderer and I was going to get away with it. Without a head, Oto would fall apart, leaving me with one less problem to deal with. My thought wandered back to the raven-haired man and I slightly began to worry again. There was an aura about him that bothered me. But for now, I only wanted to bask in the glory of my greatest accomplishment to date.

As we left the hospital, Shukaku resumed his whistling. His bloodied hands tugged in the pockets of his jeans. The three bullet holes in his body, he didn't care for them.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: Taki is the Waterfall village, where Kakuzu is from. : D**

**I think we are looking at 3 more chapters and an epilogue. Assuming I don't add any more crazeh stuffs, this fiction should be done by the end of this week. x.x**

**Until next chapter then!**

**12.16.08**

**12:15 AM**


	17. Diciassette

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Diciassette**

With Orochimaru dead, the underworld buzzed up with anticipation. One of the deadliest opponents of the Kages was gone and it was a time to rejoice. It was also, however, a time when the Kages turned their attention back on each other. Our world was a constant tug-o-war for power and territory. Oto was now free for grab. Granted, the place wasn't particularly a good investment, but in the hand of a skilled family, it could flourish. Now that my nemesis was gone, I had time to tend to my family. Karura was restless and spent a lot of time crying. Temari was due in another three months and she was getting antsier by the seconds. Kankuro's brothel was under the surveillance of the police. Ever since the chief of police died in the restaurant bombing, our business had suffered with the new chief determined to crack down on us. We had to be extra careful, which meant less profit for us.

Sasori had been released from the hospital. I extended him the invitation to move into the house. It was a great honor and privilege to live with the Kage, it meant that he was truly one of the family. The only other person who lived in the main house with us was Baki, and he had been with us for many years. Sasori accepted the offer and moved in quickly, which brought him closer to his grandmother, Chiyo. Baki wasn't too thrilled about the new housemate. He was extremely upset at my hiring of Shukaku and he had never really liked Sasori. Now that they were both constantly in his eyesight, Baki's attitude toward me took a bad turn. Baki was a great man, and I respected him deeply. But he was trying too hard to control me, to be involved in my business, to make decision for me. He acted like the regent during my earlier years when I was nothing but a runt. But now, I was claiming my full right and power. I didn't think he enjoyed it very much.

Shukaku, even though his job was done, stuck around me. He entered the house without permission. The men were too afraid of him to stop him. Most of the time, he sat in the living room and watched hours of television and drank alcohol. Shukaku was drunk 95% of the time. I had met the sober Shukaku once and I much preferred his drunken state. When he wasn't in the house, Shukaku travelled between territories and terrorized the locals. I had received bitter calls from other Kages, telling me to keep a watchful eye out for him. In truth, I was waiting for one of them to take him down so I didn't have to deal with him. Killing Shukaku seemed like a waste (he could be useful in the future), but he was certainly a difficult beast to tame. It was a dilemma I couldn't find a resolution for. Until I found a definite solution for him, I allowed him to roam about freely.

**--**

Temari walked through the front door and was on her way to her room when I had someone bring her into the dining room. I sat at the head of the table. She sat at the opposite end.

"What else do you want from me?" I asked.

Temari frowned. "I'm not sure I know…"

"You went to see Lee, didn't you? What did you tell him? Haven't you destroyed my relationship with him enough? When will you be satisfied?"

"Yes, I went to see him. We had a very nice talk."

"What did you tell him?" I imagined her telling Lee to disappear from our lives, or to die already. My hands fisted. I would really knock her out if I wanted to.

"I told him everything."

I furrowed my brows. She went to tell Lee that it was her fault that I had to break up with him. I wasn't exactly sure if she was trying to make amends for what happened. But I didn't appreciate her going behind my back. I didn't how Lee would take the news.

"What did he say?"

"Do you have any idea what you've done to him, Gaara?" Temari said accusingly. "You've destroyed his spirits. Rock Lee had nothing in his life then you came along and gave him _so_ much. You made him truly happy for the first time in his life. Then, what did you do? You left. You took it all away! You left him with nothing again. So he tried to move on and diverted his attention to his job, the only thing that gave him some meaning. And guess what happened, he's crippled. Now he doesn't even have a dream anymore! He has _nothing_ to look forward in life. And all he wants, Gaara, all he wants is for you to show your face and give him an ounce of hope. But you can't even do that."

"Let me remind you that this is entirely your fault," I argued back. "You forced me to break up with him."

"Yes, yes, I did. I won't deny that. But think about this: all this time you've acted like you're the victim. You're the martyr. You have to sacrifice yourself for his sake, for his safety. But what about him? Did you ever stop to think how it makes him feel? You think you're only the one hurting, well, guess what, he's hurting a hundred time worse than you're. Yes, I made you break up with him, but you didn't even fight against it! You gave in on the spot. I said I'd kill him but you could've killed _me_ long before I even have the chance. Did you think about that? You think you're doing everything for his good when in reality you're just a selfish bastard! Do you know why you won't go see him?"

I stayed quiet.

"Do you know why!?" She shouted, the veins popping from her hands. "Because you're too scared! You think he won't love you anymore and you don't want to accept that! You want to keep thinking that YOU are the one who left him, not the other way around. You want to think that you can always have him. You're afraid to have your heart broken! You think you're so tough and cool. Well, let me tell you, Gaara, you are nothing but a little wuss." She stood up from her seat and took a quick breath. "The so-called love of your life is killing himself in the hospital. He's lost his will to live. And the only person he's loved is doing nothing but sit and mope, pretending to be the tragic hero. I wonder if you really love him. Maybe you're just a possessive prick who doesn't know how to let go." Temari stormed out of the dining room.

I fell back against the chair and let Temari's words soaked in.

**--**

I moved myself out to the balcony on the second floor. The only reason I ever went to the balcony was to watch the sunset, which it was happening right now. The sky bled orange and magenta. It would've been a beautiful sight if my mind wasn't so clouded with confusion. There was truth in Temari's words. I was a coward in my inability to face Lee. I had ditched him without saying a proper goodbye and Sasori had to bring him to me so I could give him closure. Now, if what Temari said was true, Lee was slowly dying on the hospital bed. Did he really want to see me? Maybe it was so he could yell at me and tell me how much he hated me. Or maybe, in a twist of fate, he would tell me how much he still loved me and we would have our happily-ever-after ending.

"That's fucking beautiful." Kankuro stepped in the balcony and took a seat next to me.

"Yes, it is." I felt like I hadn't seen him for a long while. "What're you doing here?"

"Taking a break. The pub can be so damn suffocating with all the piss and puke." He lit up a cigarette and had a long huff. "And to talk to you about something." He coughed and put the cig down.

"Business or family?"

"I heard about your man lover." He took another huff and coughed again.

My chest tightened from the smoke and the realization that Kankuro knew about my sexual orientation. He was calm, and I predicted that it was the calm before the storm. In the next minutes, he would lash out on me and probably beat me up. I braced myself for the strikes.

"And I just want you to know I'm cool with it."

I narrowed my eyes. Surely, I must have misheard him. My macho big brother, Kankuro, was fine with my homosexuality? That was as probable as the sun rising from the west.

"I know, I know, I talk and act like I'd be a fag basher, but I'm not one. Ah, shit, I can't believe I'm telling ya this," he coughed loudly and put out his cigarette. "A'ight, y'know I like to mess around, right? Sometimes I like to shake things up a notch."

"Are you telling me that…?" This was, by far, the oddest conversation I had in my entire life.

"Sometimes, I just get bored of doing chicks. It's all the same with them. So there is this guy I met at a bar one night. Long story short, one thing led to another…"

"You had…"

"Yeah, but I don't swing that way. I fuck him but I don't love him or shit like that. I don't think we're gonna live together and try to act like a fucking normal couple. We have a good time together. We like it. We keep doing it."

"How long have this been going on?"

"Uh, three.. four years?"

"I have no idea." And I usually knew everything that went on around the house.

"But that ain't the point. Look, Gaara, I'm your older brother, right? I know I act like a fucking idiot every now and then, but you can come to me and we talk and shit. I wanna be here for you, a'ight?"

"I would really appreciate that."

"And you're welcome to bring the guy here. Just keep the tongue action on the download, you hear me?" He laughed, followed by a long cough.

"How long have you had that cough?"

"It's damn allergies. He's got a dog the size of a wolf. I keep forgettin' to take something for it." He stood up and rubbed his nose. "Ugh, I got a freakin' headache. Later, bro."

**--**

It took another week to clear my head. I finally had the courage to step foot in Konoha hospital. It wouldn't solve anything if I continued to speculate what Lee's feeling toward me was. The best way was to talk to him. If it was over, then it was over and we could both move on. I stopped by the hospital gift shop to pick out an overpriced bouquet of white daisies. I walked up to the front desk and asked the room number of Lee. The nurse checked the patient records and lifted her head up at me.

"I'm sorry, but Rock Lee has been transferred to another hospital."

That was unexpected. "Could you tell me where?"

"One moment, sir." She flipped through Lee's file. "Ummm, he was transferred to the Hizashi Hyuuga Memorial Hospital."

I left the bouquet on the counter and made my way back to Suna. There was very little chance of visiting Lee. The Hyuugas was the political powerhouse of Konoha. The current head of the family was the mayor. He had a foot in the lawful ruling of Konoha, and his other in the underworld. There had always been a rivalry between the Hokages and the Hyuugas. Some Hokages had better relationships with some Hyuugas. Tsunade wasn't such a case. She had ticked off Hiashi Hyuuga on numerous occasions. Tension was rising between them. If the Kazekage walked in his hospital, it would blow up the keg of gunpowder.

I left the Konoha hospital and rushed to the Suna hospital. Baki told me that Kankuro had suddenly collapsed. When I arrived in his room, Kankuro had fallen into a coma. His doctor was puzzled.

"What happened to him?"

"It's… Something is shutting off his body. I've never seen anything like this before."

"Do something."

"Sir… I don't know if there is anything we can do. We can run some tests but he's fading fast. I don't know if he'll make it…"

"If my brother dies, I'm burying you along with him."

"I… I'll see what I… I can do."

The doctor hurried out of the room. Temari cried silently. She wiped her eyes with a crumbled up ball of tissue. Her mascara painted her cheeks navy. After half an hour of no good news, Temari went home to rest. She couldn't bear to stay in the stifling hospital room. Baki escorted her, instructing me to alert him immediately if something happened. Sasori and I were the only ones who stayed behind.

"A while ago it was me on the bed," Sasori said as he pulled up a chair for me to sit.

I sat back against the plastic chair, crossed my arms over my chest, and watched my brother die.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: I'm falling in love with KankuKiba. **

**Until next chapter! I think I'm catching a cold. ToT**

**12.16.08**

**3:56 PM**


	18. Diciotto

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Diciotto**

Three months had passed already and Kankuro's condition hadn't improved. The doctors had yet to find the cause of his sudden collapse. I visited him daily and hoped for the best. At least he was still alive, I comforted myself. If he was alive, we still had a fighting chance. The reality, however, was less hopeful. He was worsening by the hours. Whatever was working through his body was slowly destroying his system. With the cause unknown, the doctors could only try to repair the damages after the fact. I saw his weight loss; he was thinner than I was, and I had a rather slender frame. The muscles that he was very proud of were gone, leaving a hollow shell of his former self. His chestnut hair lost its shine and was thinning. His complexion grew an unhealthy yellow. He looked horrible. He was no longer the full-of-life Kankuro that I had grown to love.

Temari gave birth to her son a few floors down from Kankuro's room. He was a healthy boy. He had a head full of golden hair, like Temari's, but she said he had his father's features. Karura was curious and jealous of her new cousin. She was almost a year old now. The new baby pulled up the house's spirits. We were a little less depressed over Kankuro's sickness. I gave Temari permission to live in Konoha, at least temporarily, to be with her lover. I still had not met the father of her child, but I figured she had cared deeply for him. Without my siblings around the house, it felt quiet and empty. I never noticed how big the house really was. Two, three families could probably live in there and still had enough space away from each other. I ate my meals with Baki and Sasori, and it was usually awkward. Baki's dislike of Sasori was more apparent as of late. Shukaku disappeared for a few weeks and showed up two days ago with a knife wound to his stomach. I wanted to let him rot but the men had already taken him to the hospital.

It was during one of my regular visits to Kankuro that I ran into him. He was in Kankuro's room. I didn't know how he knew about Kankuro but he did. When I walked into the room, he was standing by the machine and visibly toying with the buttons. His hand was gripping the electric cord to one of the life support machines. It looked like he was going to pull the plug on my brother.

"What are you doing?" I stalked behind him and put my gun to his head. I always carried a gun with me now.

Shukaku raised his hands in the air in a surrendering gesture. "I don't understand you, boy. You know he isn't going to get well, why waste your money?"

"That's my brother you're talking about." I was considering pulling the trigger.

"All these feelings, they sicken me. You're the Kazekage. You need to be ruthless. The second you show one ounce of mercy, you're a dead man."

"I can see a dead man in front of me right now."

"Don't be a fool." He turned around. The barrel pointed between his eyes. He didn't seem scared, or pretended to be. He smiled and his eyes lit up. "You don't have the nerve to kill me."

"What makes you think that?"

"'cause you're still human. But I can help you. I can make you stronger. All you need to do is let me in. Let me be part of you. Together, we'll be unstoppable."

"I don't ever want to see your face again." I lowered the gun and signaled him to leave.

"See? This is exactly what I'm talking about." Shukaku paced out of the room. "You're weak. But if you change your mind, I'll be waiting, boy."

I checked that the machines were operating normally and gave the order that no visitor was allowed aside from family members. The last thing I needed was for a psychotic killer to murder my brother.

**--**

Sasori was able to find some news about Lee for me. A few days after he was first transferred to the private hospital, he underwent the surgery. It was a success. The percentage of failure that Tsunade proposed was an overestimate. The injury hadn't been as serious as it was first suggested. After the healing of the surgery was complete, Lee began his physical therapy. He had spent nearly a month as a paraplegic, and his muscles were in need of a good exercise. In the beginning, it was extremely difficult and painful. The few times that Sasori observed the session, he told me that Lee fell on the floor and cried for a good few minutes. The more disturbing news to me was that there had been a man---a friend---there with him. He comforted Lee and encouraged him not to give up. I had to know the identity of the man. He was Neji Hyuuga, the nephew of Hiashi Hyuuga. He worked in the witness protection program, specializing in protecting people who wished to testify against organized crime. It was a job that Lee had great interest in. I didn't like the thought of them being together, especially when I really wanted to talk to Lee. But heightened tension along with Kankuro's health, I couldn't step foot out of Suna.

Lee was alive and working hard to rehabilitate himself. What more could I ask for? But I couldn't stop myself from feeling jealous of the Hyuuga man. He was probably everything Lee had wanted in a lover. After me, most people were most likely starting to look good in Lee's eyes. I hoped that he could choose wisely and carefully. He deserved only the best. He deserved someone who would appreciate his honest and straightforward personality and his occasional dorkish moments, his sometimes-too-much-to-bear blatant lack of social tact, his heavenly grin, his high standard that he put himself to. I would do all those things for him, but unfortunately, I had missed my chance.

I was in the living room, reading the newspaper. With the police constantly after our business, we had slow down production and other activities. Our attention focused mostly on the joint casino with Tsunade, which was still trying to get its foot off the ground and gained legal clearance. I put someone in charge of Matsuri's fashion line as a keepsake; it wasn't very profitable but it did bring in some money. I read through the paper and found a small article that alerted me.

"_Two Men Murdered in Taki Hospital. Police Suspects Mob Activities."_

The article was about the death of Orochimaru and his subordinate, Kimimaro. The article mentioned that Orochimaru was a known member in the underworld of organized crime. Polices were starting an investigation of the murders. There were witnesses, but it didn't make mention of Suna, Shukaku, or myself. I was certain that no one had seen us walking out of the hospital. Except for the raven-haired subordinate of Orochimaru… but he didn't seem like he even cared that we had murdered his boss. If there had been civilian witnesses, it would be nothing but trouble for us. I put down the newspaper, making a mental note to throw it out later. Baki would be very sore when he heard.

Chiyo walked into the living room and announced that I had a guest. I wasn't expecting anyone. Unexpected guests were rarely pleasant to deal with.

"He said it was urgent, Sir. Sasori said it was fine."

If Sasori had given the approval, then I could assume he was clean and not dangerous. "Send him in."

Chiyo went to fetch the guest. I heard something clicking against the floorboards. It wasn't a sound I was familiar with and it sparked my interest. I sat up and waited to see the face of the man responsible for the clicking noise. Nothing could have prepared me. Chiyo led Lee into the living room and presented him to me. My jaw ungraciously dropped. First of all, I did not think Lee would come to see me. Not in my wildest dream had I even dared to think of such thing. It had been almost three years and he was as beautiful as I remembered him to be. Secondly, the clicking was made by the crutch he was using to help him walk. He was only using one on his left side, but I could tell that he still had difficulties walking.

"Hello Gaara," he said as he made his way over to the closest seat and flopped down. He put the crutch off to the side and took an exhausted breath.

"What are you doing here?" I didn't mean for it to sound so rude. I was beyond thrilled and I wasn't doing a very good job of hiding it. I hurried over and sat down closer to him. I looked at his legs. There was no visible disability. There were too many things I wanted to say to him. So much was rushing out that I stayed mute as I tried to organize my thoughts.

"I came here today because I want to talk to you." He readjusted his sitting position. He didn't have problems moving his upper body. "Your sister told me many things." Lee gave a brief report of everything that Temari had revealed to him, lingering over the part that I was forced to break up with him. "And I think I need to tell you how I feel about what happened."

"I've wanted to talk to you… but I didn't have a chance."

"I am very hurt, Gaara. I never thought you would be a criminal… though when I think about your reluctance to tell me about yourself, I cannot believe I did not see it sooner. I thought you were just shy. When you told me you have been cheating on me, I was so heartbroken. Now you are married, and I am sorry for the loss of your wife. But you also have a daughter. I cannot see us being together. I will not allow myself to destroy someone's family. It is dishonorable. I am… struggling to forgive you, even though I understand that you had to under dire circumstance. You put me through too much pain. I do not think I can handle anymore."

I had a good idea where the conversation was going. I wanted to end it before Lee got to the horrible part. I knew what he was saying and didn't need or want to hear it. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Then why did you?" He looked at me with sad eyes that tugged at my heart. I knew I had caused him a lot of pain, but seeing him right now, I was receiving the pain back in tenfold.

"I was afraid." I had the time to think carefully over my relationship with Lee. I understood my reasoning a little better now. "I wasn't sure if I could protect you. I was really afraid of losing you, so I figured that… if I left you before you leave me, then I wouldn't have failed you. You would've always been safe when you were with me. I know this sounds selfish, but I couldn't stand the thought of you being with another person. I wanted you to be mine… even if I couldn't have you physically, I wanted you in my memory."

"You are horrible." He furrowed his brows and looked away. "You tricked me."

"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I'm just very happy that we got the chance to sort this out."

"Yes. Now we can both move on with our lives." Lee dropped his head a little. "I came to see you because I am willing to take you back."

I couldn't believe my ears. He must be on some of morphine and it was affecting his mind. How could he possibly still want me after what I did to him? It must be a trick. It must be a twisted revenge he was plotting against me.

"Why?"

"I do not know. I cannot explain to myself but I still have very strong feelings for you… despite everything. I guess… unlike you," he said shyly with a small pout on his lips, "I love you more than I love my job."

"Really…?"

"I realized that _you_ are my dream. I wanted to be a police officer, but it would not bring me happiness if you were not with me."

I suspected that Lee's brain was damage during his kidnapping. I didn't deserve his love. I didn't deserve him. But yet, here he was offering himself to me again. I hoped he realized that I still had the capability to hurt him many more times. Being with me wouldn't be the happiness he sought. He was lying. He was delirious. It wasn't me that he wanted.

"So…" He knitted his brows and glanced up at me with longing in his bright eyes. "Will you have me back?"

My answer was to leap out of my seat and slammed our mouths together. He was taken by surprise but kissed back immediately. I had not kissed his soft lips in years. I took my time to re-familiarize with his kissing pattern. We sucked on each other's lips, savoring the long-missed taste. I traced my tongue over the small gap of his mouth. He invited me in. My tongue explored his mouth, reinitiating the forgotten dance with his waiting muscle. I put my hands on the side of his face and drew him closer to me, until I nearly swallowed his mouth. His hands gripped tightly on the back of my shirt. I broke the kiss and looked over his face. It was Lee, it really was Lee. I was not in some lewd fantasy of my imagination. He was the one that pulled back toward him again. Our mouths clashed and our body heat seared the room. His hand travelled down my chest. I moved to nibble his neck and collarbone, which made him moan. I had never heard Lee moan. I licked his earlobe and he squirmed under my kiss.

I guided him upstairs. It took a while for him to climb up the flight of stairs. I led him into the bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed while I made sure to lock the doors. I joined him on the bed that I shared with Matsuri. Part of me felt bad for bringing another person into our bed so soon. But it was supposed to be Lee's bed to begin with and I didn't feel so bad anymore. Besides, Lee's hot breathes running down my neck was shutting down all my conscious thoughts. I pushed him down and climbed on top of him. Our hands ventured beneath each other's clothes. I felt his body rising in heat and beckoning me to take him. I wanted eagerly to answer his call.

"W-wait, Lee. Are you sure?"

"Yes. I want you, Gaara." He gave me a deep kiss.

"Aren't you in pain?"

"No. My legs are a little numb but they do not hurt. But you will have to… do most of the work."

I was hesitant. An injury to the spine, regardless of how mild it was, had to have many consequences. I didn't want Lee to think that I was pushing it on him. I had waited for three years; I could wait another few months. But Lee really wanted me. After all, he was the one to unbutton his pants first. He was about to pull off his pants but stopped. He reached into the pocket and took out my ring. He held it up and I put my hand out for him to slip it on.

"Do you promise to love me forever?" He slipped the ring on my ring finger.

"I do."

Our love-making lasted for hours. One climax blended into the next. I lost count of how many times we reached the top together. I felt the intensity of our devotion, emitting through our bodies, transferring from one to the other. By the time we had exhausted our bodies, the sheet was soaked in sweats amongst other fluids. He lay on his stomach and drifted to sleep quickly. I watched him sleep until my eyelids could not stay open anymore. My pinky held onto his, bringing me to dreamland to find him.

**--**

I led Lee to the side garden of the house. It was well-maintained though no one visited it. We sat down on the grass lawn. Lee excitedly pointed out the places where he could grow vegetables. I joked and told him that instead of being a cop, he should be a farmer. Once I bought up the subject of his career, the mood shifted. He was thinking of quitting the force. Even after he recovered, his ability would be affected. A physical injury would not take him very far up the rung. I didn't want to rush him, but since it was obvious that we loved each other deeply, I suggested that he could come to Suna. With nothing left behind in Konoha, Lee agreed on the spot. His only condition was that I had to build him a greenhouse.

I realized that we didn't have any picture together. So we spent a majority of the afternoon snapping shots of us together. Lee had a strange idea of creating a "Love Room". It would be a room in the house where we could spend together as a couple. It would be decorated with our photos and other mementos of our love. Only Lee would think of such a silly idea. Nonetheless, I agreed to have someone transform one of the guest rooms into our Love Room.

Lee spent another day with me in Suna before he went back to Konoha. He couldn't miss his therapy session and needed to start packing his belongings. I told him that I could send someone over to help, but Lee didn't like strangers touching his things. We stood in front of the gate while we waited for the car to be ready.

"From now on, this is _our_ home."

Lee smiled at me and wrapped his arms around my neck. He put his head on my shoulder and heaved a content sigh. I put my hand on his back. I didn't believe perfection exist. But this was truly a perfect moment.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: Enjoy this chapter because it's the fluffiest chapter you'll ever get from this story! This is also the longest Stigma chapter yet. o.o;;**

**I have created a LJ account! So if you wanna know what I'm up to. Come on over. xDD**

**Until next chapter! **

**12.17.08**

**8:45 PM**


	19. Diciannove

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**This is, by far, the most depressing chapter. Brace yourself. D':**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Diciannove**

Before Lee left Suna, we spent half a night lying in bed, staring into each other's eyes. It was almost like a scene straight out of a romance movie. I ran my fingers through his silky strands and smelled the strawberry scent of his generic brand shampoo. I knew I was going to spoil him rotten. I would lavish him with the best products, the best food… the best of everything. He would get anything he asked for. Money had corrupting power, but Lee was too good to fall for it. He could be the prince of a kingdom and still possessed the same modesty and integrity. It was just one of the many, many qualities about him that I adored and admired. His gentle smile kept my heart beating at a calm pace. I didn't have to wish for something to capture our moment because I knew it would never end. Forever was too short to describe how long our love would last. Even if our moment was temporarily interrupted by some unpleasantness, I knew we would pick up where we left off and continue as if nothing had gone off-track.

"Gaara, if you do not mind me asking… What exactly is it that you do?"

"I want to be open with you but there are some things you're better off not knowing."

"I understand." He closed his eyes and edged close toward me. The tip of our noses touched and he nuzzled against me like a puppy.

"Do you have any idea how happy you make me?" I planted a kiss on his nose tip.

"Well, I have some idea." He chuckled. "Gaara… May we make love again?"

I didn't have to tell him yes. I rolled on top of him. Our bodies moved like a masterfully choreographed dance. He moaned loudly in my ears. It made me more eager to please him. His arms locked behind my neck, drawing me closer toward him, deepening the contact of our bodies. I held him tight, never wanting to let him go again. I didn't ever want to give Lee up. He was a horrible drug that I had become addicted to. I needed him to live. Without him, I could crumble into dust.

Lee and I took a trip to the hospital to see Kankuro. He made a promise to Kankuro that he would watch over me. When we left the hospital, Lee quietly cried in the car on the way home. He was very sorry about my brother's predicament. He told me he couldn't imagine the pain of seeing a loved one unconscious, lingering between life and death.

"The more reason I need you with me," was my answer to him that stopped his crying.

**--**

Lee didn't move to Suna as early as I had hoped. He needed to finish his therapy sessions, which would last another eight weeks. He didn't want to switch to a new place since he had become acquainted with his therapist and other patients. Moral support was one of the key components to a quick recovery, he told me. Even if he did agree to change to a new rehabilitation center, there actually wasn't a physical therapist in Suna. And with his handicap, Lee wasn't able to pack as fast as he liked to. We both eventually agreed that it was best to wait until he was fully recovered before he moved in with me. After all, we mused, we had our whole life ahead of us to spend together.

Temari came back from Konoha after a week. One reason was because it was my 27th birthday soon, and regardless of what happened between us, she wanted to celebrate my special day as a family. Especially since Kankuro was still in the hospital, she saw it more necessary to reaffirm our family bond. The other reason, the more critical one, was that something had happened during her stay in Konoha. Her now fiancé's mentor, one of Tsunade's valued men, was brutally murdered in front of his eyes. It was Konoha's business and we didn't know too many details. But Temari revealed to us that Asuma Sarutobi was investigating something for Tsunade and obviously got too close to finding the truth. Her fiancé was distraught by his mentor's death and sent Temari home to Suna. He was setting out for revenge. Other than that, we knew nothing more. People dying in the line of duty were, unfortunately, one of the things we had grown numbed to.

Shukaku was being a pest as usual. I received threats from other Kages that they were going to come after me if I didn't do something about his reckless behaviors. I wasn't sure what he was doing out there; I had tried to sever my ties with him. But a pestilence like him was difficult to get rid of. He would come to my house every now and then, and acted like he had every right to be there. He lectured me about my relationship with Lee, saying that Lee would drag me down. It was refreshing to hear that; I was usually the one who was dragging Lee down. Nonetheless, I was on my last straw with him. When I caught him harassing Sasori, I had had it.

They were at the front door. Sasori was trying to stop Shukaku from going into the house. Shukaku was belligerently drunk, more than usual. He grabbed Sasori by the collar and said something to him that angered Sasori. I walked in on Shukaku shoving Sasori up against the door. His eyes wide and his teeth snarling, I could tell that he was about to attack Sasori.

"Shukaku!" I yanked him off Sasori. "You're really testing the limit of my patience."

"You're so blind," Shukaku slurred but was very coherent for a drunk, "you don't even see who's on your side."

"This is my last act of mercy: leave."

"Beware of people around you, boy. None of them is whom they seem to be." He laughed raucously as he staggered his way to the front gate. "You'll always be betrayed by the ones you love."

After making sure that Shukaku was out of sight, I gave the strict order that he was never allowed on the premise. I turned to check if Sasori was harmed. Asides from being ruffled by Shukaku, he was unhurt.

"I don't know why you keep him alive." Sasori walked back into the house. His tone was bitter. He blamed me for what happened.

"I thought he might come in handy one day." Also, I did promise him immunity when he agreed to help me. I didn't like to go back on my promises, something that I picked up from Lee.

**--**

The morning of my birthday was spent out in the streets. The civilians bestowed opulent gifts and blessings to me. An over-excited farmer gave me a live chicken as a birthday gift, not that I had a use for a live chicken other than to eat it for dinner. I had lunch with prominent business owners of Suna. They showered me with flattery, in hope that I could cut them some slacks. I praised them in return, hoping to establish a foot in the legit market. Real estate was the field I was interested in.

The most exciting event I looked forward to was dinner with my family. It was the present that I was most thankful for. The babies joined us at the dinner table with their high chairs. They had a meal of crushed green peas and formula milk while the adults enjoyed a festive meal co-prepared by Temari and Lee. They didn't get along perfectly; Temari still had her reservation about Lee, but they were civilized toward each other and didn't create any tension. I sat at the head of the table with Lee to my left and Temari to my right. Baki sat across from me, at the end of the table. Sasori and Chiyo sat opposite of each other. We almost looked enough like a real family.

We were having a pleasant dinner, discussing the politics of Suna's government when a housemaid walked into the dining room. She was nervous and frightened.

"Master," she stammered and tugged on her apron.

"What is it?"

"Uh… Um… T-The polices are here to see you."

Everyone simultaneously stopped eating. Baki stood up and eyed me to follow him. I left the table and Sasori caught up with me. The three of us walked to the front door. None of us muttered a sound. There were two Suna officers waiting at the door. I didn't recognize them, which meant they were either new to the force or they were one of the rare good cops.

The taller officer nodded his head as a sign of greeting. "Awful sorry to interrupt your dinner, Mister Gaara."

"How may I help you officers?"

He gave Baki and Sasori a quick glance. "Are you aware that Orochimaru of Oto has been killed?"

"I am aware."

"We like to ask you some questions if you don't mind," his partner said.

"I'd be glad to help. My lawyer, Baki, will come with me, of course. I believe that's within regulations."

"It sure is." The taller officer dropped his eyes to Sasori, as if to ask 'what the hell are you for'. "This won't take up too much of your time."

**--**

The interrogation lasted about an hour and a half. They asked me about my relationship with Orochimaru and if I had any personal history with him. The main point of our little interview was where I was on the night of Orochimaru's murder. I gave them an alibi; it shut them up and they let me go. I had no doubt that they suspected me, but until they found hard evidence, they had nothing against me. Baki's legal advice was to say only the least and the most basic information. The more I talked, the more likely they would catch onto something.

When we returned home, we were bombarded with questions. Baki answered the questions mostly. We told the house staffs and everyone else to cooperate with the police. The only people who knew what exactly happened that night were Baki, Shukaku, Sasori, and I. The wild card was Shukaku; there was no telling what he would do. He might have even been the one who informed the police of our involvement. He could trade information for legal immunity. We made our top priority to locate Shukaku. We had to get to him before the police did.

After I assured Lee that nothing was wrong, he went back to Konoha for the night. Temari retired to her bedroom. The house quieted down again. Baki and I sat in my office and discussed what to do in case the police found something against me. The news article I read in the papers did say that there were witnesses. I wanted to make a phone call to the hospital administrators in Taki, to remind them of our deal. Baki advised against it; he feared the lines might be tapped. I didn't need to incriminate myself. When it came to legal consult, Baki was the expert. I was once again in need of his guidance and he knew it. He berated my rash murder of Orochimaru and my refusal to listen to him. I only sat and listened to his scolding. I messed up, I would admit that. But instead of yelling at me, Baki should spend his energy on figuring a way out.

Sasori came into the room and Baki immediately fell quiet. I didn't know why he didn't like Sasori. He obviously wouldn't tell me his issues with my confidant. Sasori carried a large gift box in his arms and put it on my desk. It was tied with a black ribbon and had a little tag that read "To the Kazekage".

"Someone left it on the front door. It's not a bomb and it doesn't contain any bio-chemical substance."

I knew whatever inside wasn't going to be a merry present. I stood up from my seat to untie the ribbon. We held our breaths, eager to see what was inside. I lifted off the top part and put it aside. My present was set on top of a carefully-arranged pile of black tissue paper. It was Shukaku's severed head. There wasn't a trace of blood, which meant that he had been killed and dried out for a while. His eyes were closed and he had a content smile on his face. It was as if death was the peace he had been searching for. I looked at Baki and Sasori. Baki was shocked and disgusted. Sasori was less apparent in his reaction.

"There is a card inside." Sasori took out the black envelop from beneath Shukaku's neck.

"Our dearest Kazekage," I read the card out loud, "We wish you a wonderful birthday. Enjoy it to the fullest. Sincerely, your old friends in Oto."

"That's a fake," Baki said right away. "Oto wouldn't be stupid enough to do this."

"They hate me." I flipped the card over, in case there was something written on the back. "They're the ones who pointed the police to me."

"This may be a warning from them." Sasori took the card out from my hand and read it himself.

"Considering that they did eliminate Shukaku for me, I'd count it a blessing."

"Think, Gaara, it can't be Oto. They're in scramble right now. They don't have the manpower to come after us. "

"Shukaku was with you that night. This could mean you are next," Sasori said.

"Yes, that could be true. But this 'present' here is too soon." Baki snapped a hard look at Sasori.

"Are you suggesting we should keep our guard down?" Sasori returned a similar look at Baki.

"No, I'm saying that instead of jumping to conclusion and falling for an obvious trick, we put our attention to find the real culprit."

"Who else would be after Gaara if not Oto? Who else would have killed Shukaku?"

"That is exactly what we need to find out." Baki turned to me, waiting for me to agree with him.

"Gaara would be dead by then."

"I don't know what you're trying to do, but I know you're up to something." Baki glared at Sasori. "I don't trust you."

"Don't you think we've wasted too much time 'waiting'?" The question was directed to both of us. "How many lives have been lost by 'waiting'? If we don't finish Oto now, we will only increase our casualties."

"Gaara, be reasonable. You're in this mess right now because you rush your head into things without thinking."

There was a limit of scolding I could take from Baki and he had long reached the top. My mistakes were my own faults and I would gladly deal with them. But I would only do that when I acknowledged them as mistakes. I had done nothing wrong killing Orochimaru. He deserved to die. Sasori was right: I had wasted too much of my life waiting. In order to regain control of the situation, I needed to be active.

"Baki, you're excused."

Baki heaved his shoulders. He slammed both of his fists on the desk. "I've watched over you from the start, Gaara. When have I ever taken you to the wrong direction? Everything I do, I do it for the benefits of you and Suna. But you would rather listen to this punk over me? Look at you! You should be ashamed of yourself. You've became a bloodthirsty madman! Your father is turning in his grave!"

"Don't you dare to use my father against me! I've led Suna to new height."

"You've led Suna to a shithole! You got our businesses shutting down. You got cops on your tail. You listen to the Hokage like you're her bitch. What happened to our pride and our dignity? You threw away the blood and sweat of four Kazekages! You're an embarrassment!"

"Do you remember what I told you, Baki?" I didn't bother to raise my voice. "I told you, if you try to stop me, I won't have a need for you anymore."

"When you're nothing but a broken man, don't come crying to me." Baki walked out of the office, closing the door behind him.

"Congratulations, Sasori, you've been promoted."

Baki was generally a peaceful man and tried to avoid as much unnecessary violence as possible. I needed a war-time consigliere and only Sasori could fill the job.

**--**

I stopped by the hospital to pay Kankuro a visit. He was still the same as before, plunging toward the darkness in a slow and painful spiral. I kept my glance on the heart monitor. The rhythmic beating was oddly soothing to my head full of disruptions. I wondered how Kankuro would react if he found out that Baki had left us. He'd seen us grown from toddlers to adults, and I casted him away like a used piece of toilet paper. Temari wasn't pleased about it, but she didn't care much for the family business nowadays. She was a mother and soon-to-be-wife. She wanted a fresh start. As soon as she was married, she was going to leave Suna behind for good. I suspected she was still mad at me and wanted to be away from me. As long as I had Lee with me, though, I could care less about who came and left.

"Watch out," I whispered to the stifling molecules in the air. "It's going to rain blood."

"Oh, Sir, you're here." The attending doctor strolled in with a clipboard in his hand. "I was just about to contact you. I think we've found the cause for your brother's condition."

"What is it?" I was morbidly uninterested. Suddenly Kankuro's getting-well was at the lower end of my list.

"It's a very potent biotoxin found in a rare species of desert scorpions. The toxin basically works to shut down the body system slowly. It's really phenomenal how it travels through the blood stream and---."

"Is there a cure?"

"Uh, well, now that we know it's a poison, we can try to produce a serum. But… and please forgive me for saying this…"

"Say it."

"The toxin's destroyed a good percentage of your brother's body and with that much cells destroyed..."

"_Say it_."

"There is… very little chance that he'll… live for much… longer."

"Do you remember I told you that 'if my brother dies, I'm burying you with him', Doctor?"

"Pl-Please, Sir, we're doing everything we can… but it's just… we don't really stand a chance."

"Leave."

"I-I'm sorry, Sir." He scurried out of the room.

If there were indeed nothing the doctors would do for Kankuro, my option came down to one choice. I didn't want my brother to suffer any longer than he needed to. The past months must have been hell on him. It was time to let him go. Waiting was wasting.

"Good bye, Kankuro." I placed a kiss on his forehead. "Say hi to Mom and Dad for me."

**--**

I announced my plan to wage war on Oto to the Kages. The Mizukage sympathized with me and urged me forward. The other three Kages ridiculed me. Tsunade reprimanded me as a 'stupid kid'. They believed that there was nothing left in Oto that was worth taking. I brought up the point of the remnants of Orochimaru's subordinates. Their loyalty to their former boss was renowned through the underworld. There was no guarantee that they wouldn't band together and revive Oto under a new banner. Then who would be laughing?

Lee was still in Konoha, which was good. I didn't want to endanger him again by keeping him too close to me. There was going to be a lot of bloodshed between Suna and Oto; I didn't want to dirty him. Temari hadn't heard a word about my plan to attack Oto. She spent her days doing her motherly duties. Only Sasori and I were aware of the imminent chaos. Two weeks after my declaration of war, we gathered the men and raided Oto in a surprise attack. We had a hit list of all of Orochimaru's former men and we went to hunt them down one by one. We strangled the girl Tayuya in the waxing room of a nail salon. We gunned down twin brothers, Sakon and Ukon, in the parking lot of a family restaurant. We slit Kidomaru's throat in his own car. We smothered Jirobo while he was getting a massage. The last of our target was Kabuto Yakushi, and he was a difficult prey to catch. He realized that we were after him. We chased him through the streets but he managed to escape into the sewers. We sent men to find him but the sewer system was complicated and impossible to navigate through. In the end, Kabuto survived.

I would consider the mission a success. We had terminated five prominent members of Orochimaru's former gang. Even if Kabuto was alive, I doubted there was much he could do on his own. With Oto uprooted, I felt I could take a breath of air. Even though I didn't do any of the work and had spent the afternoon sitting in a coffee shop on the outskirt of town, I was exhausted and couldn't wait to go home. When we arrived back at the house, the sun was already setting. Maybe it was my state of mind, but the sunset looked hideous. The blending of the orange with the dark grey clouds wasn't as pretty as usual. The house was fully lit up. The front lawn was devoid of our men guarding the house. Since they had done such an excellent job, I had given them the night off to spend with their loved ones or just to take some time off to themselves.

Sasori and I walked in together. The first thing that came to me was the unmistakable stench of blood. The next was my housemaids' dead bodies littering the foyer. Multiple gunshot wounds drilled through their bodies. I wobbled past the first line of dead bodies. My instinct led me on a tour around the house. My chef and his two aides were shot as well. When I saw my driver with a hole in his head in the living room, it finally hit me. The people in my house had been massacred. From the look of the blood all around me, it had just happened very recently. My driver's body was still warm.

I dashed upstairs and ran to Temari's room. The door was jammed shut. I pounded on it, screaming Temari's name. But there wasn't a response. I shot open the lock and kicked the door open. Temari was lying on her side on the bed. I rushed over to her and pulled her into my arms. Her cotton night gown was soaked with her blood from the gun wound on her stomach. Her breathing was shallow and fast.

"Temari, Temari, hang on." I pressed my hand against her wound to stop the bleeding, not that it was doing much.

"I-Is my b-baby o-okay?" Her feeble arm pointed toward the direction of the crib. "M-My b-baby…"

I couldn't see inside the crib from the bed but I knew what she wanted to hear. "He's fine. He's fine."

"G-Gaa…ra." She tilted her head toward me. Her eyes were half open. She reached her hand up. "I-I'm s-so p-proud of… you…" Her hand fell down on her chest. Her body went limp in my arms.

"Temari? Temari?" I shook her, like that was going to make her talk to me again. I lifted her close to my chest and apologized for not being there to save her. I pressed a long kiss on her forehead. She was still so warm and soft. How could she be dead? I laid her on the bed and fluffed her pillow. I pulled the sheet over her body, but not over her head. She looked like she was asleep. I ran my fingers through her golden locks. She used to let me do that all the time. I loved how her hair was always tangles-free.

I walked over to the crib and looked down at my nephew. His bear-imprinted blankie was scrunched up on his face. I lifted it away and glanced down at his tiny immobile body. I carried him out of the crib and brought him over to his mother. I laid him by Temari's side. Mother and son, side by side, dreaming of a better life. I closed the door behind me as I left her room. My next stop was Karura's room. I didn't want to go but my legs moved against my will, even though they were trembling.

Karura's door was ajar. I took a quick glance at the room and didn't spot her. I approached the crib but didn't look down immediately. I took a long breath and slowly let my eyes drop. Karura wasn't there. I checked the room a second time. My daughter wasn't in her room. With the condition the house was in, however, it could simply mean that her heart had stopped beating somewhere else in the large house.

I made my way back downstairs, passing the maid's limp body lying on the steps. She was shot in the back. Her attempt to outrun bullets was futile. Sasori was still standing at the same place. I gave him a brief look before I walked into the lounge. The furniture was pushed out of place, an obvious sign of struggle. I paced around the lounge for reasons I did not know. I was simply floating through the room like a lost spirit.

"S-Sir…" Someone whispered from the corner of the room.

I ran over and kneeled down by my butler. "What happened here? Who did this?"

"T-there w-were… so many… of them." He coughed and weakly latched onto my shirt. "Y-You…have… to run… Sir."

I slid my hand down his face and closed his eyes. He had been with the family since I was a child. He was the man who tied my shoes for years. I heard footsteps coming behind me and pulled myself up. I wanted to cry but somehow my body wasn't producing tears. Maybe I was still in shock over the slaughter of my family. Whoever had a problem with me didn't have to go afar as murdering my house staffs. What had they done wrong other than serving the wrong family?

I squeezed my eyes shut only to see the bloody carcasses of people I had known all my life. I didn't know where my daughter was. I didn't know if they were after Baki and Lee as well. Once again, I was a helpless little runt who only brought misery to people in my life. The footsteps stopped next to me. I opened my eyes and blinked. The cold barrel of a gun pushed against my temple. I turned my head as much as the gun would allow me to.

"_You'll always be betrayed by the ones you love."_ The last thing Shukaku said to me. How right the bastard was.

"Sasori… Why?"

Sasori pushed the gun harder against my head. The hollow smile on his lips and the coldness in his eyes foretold a terrible fate for me.

"Sorry Gaara," he said, "I'm a cop."

**--**

**Boyue's Note: Okay! You can all hate me now. I'm a horrible person for putting Gaara through this, I know. But hey, it's a horrible world. -____-''**

**This chapter actually made me a little teary-eyed, especially Temari's part. :sniffle:**

**Next up will be ze last chapter. Gasp! Depending on how much I make the chapter out to be, there may be an epilogue chapter after that one. If not, then it will definitely be the last of "Stigma"!**

**Until next time, my friends! O;**

**12.19.08**

**2:10 AM**


	20. Venti

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Venti**

To say Sasori was a cop would be an insult to cops everywhere. He belonged to a government organization specially established to target organized crime. Their goal was to erase the five Kages completely. They were trying to create a world where crime would be a thing of the past. They wanted to create a utopia. They were kept a secret as their method was drastic. They were willing to do whatever it took to eliminate the families, even if it meant killing innocent people: kill one, save a thousand. They would bathe their souls in blood so long as the future was bright and better for the next generation. Akatsuki - Dawn of a new world.

They had different ways of attacking the families. Infiltration was the choice for Suna primarily because I was an easy target. I was thrust into my role without proper preparation. I was naïve and was vulnerable to people's sway. Sasori knew that I would spend my first years listening to Baki's every word. As time passed, he predicted correctly that there would be a power struggle. I would want to break free from Baki's hold by acting against his advices, which because of my inexperience would lead me to my eventual doom. He chose the perfect moment to enter the scene when Baki and Temari were both opposing my relationship with Lee. Sasori had a male lover, just like I did, and naturally we connected immediately and bonded on a high level. He knew that I saw him as someone I could trust, someone who understood how difficult it was to maintain a homosexual relationship in a heterosexual world. He knew that I was paranoid about letting the men know about my sexuality. Human nature dictated that I needed someone to share the burden in order to keep my sanity. Sasori presented himself as the perfect choice.

I became closer to him because we were on the same boat. I shared a bond with him that no one else in the house shared with me. When Temari forced the marriage on me, it created a rift in the family. He knew that I didn't feel I could relate to Baki and Kankuro. He was the only one whom I could share my secret with. I made him my confidant, successfully allowing him to meddle with my affairs. The reasons he brought Lee to me were to make me believe that he truly cared about me and to reaffirm my anger at Temari. Tearing the family apart was the most crucial step in making me place all my trust on him. He thoroughly studied the personalities of everyone; he knew our weaknesses and what made us tick. He manipulated us into falling in line with his plan. He blackmailed Yura into killing Matsuri to further the rift in the family. It would upset Temari and she, in turn, would be angry at me. Yura's betrayal made me paranoid of my own men, especially with Lee in dire danger. He poisoned Kankuro slowly to torment my psyche. Killing off my family members made me appreciate him. I took him everywhere with me. He was my only friend. All the while, he was just playing me like a puppet on a string. I put my faith and trust in him, and it gave him the chance to completely betray me.

Sasori hated the Families. He hated the underworld for taking away his parents. He wanted revenge but the law was useless in helping him. He realized that the only way to avenge his parents was to take matters into his own hands.

"Are you going to take me to jail?"

"You of all people should know how broken the justice system is." He nudged my head with the gun. "You have too many friends in there. You'll be back on the streets in no time. Justice is dead."

"So you'll kill me."

"Wouldn't you be happier dead, Gaara? How many coffins can you rest on your conscience?"

"What's next?"

Sasori's colleagues were finishing off my men as we spoke. They would uproot Suna completely, ripping us out from the pages of history. The Kazekage would become nothing but a fairy tale. Suna was drying out and so long as I was alive, its beauty would never return. After Suna, they were going to start a full-scale invasion of Konoha. Once the strongest family was gone, the rest would crumble like dust.

"Do you really believe a better world will come?" The irony of life was that the more we reached for something, the further it went away.

"I do."

"Good luck." I heard the hammer clicked.

"Any last word, Kazekage?"

I had often imagined what my last words would be. There were many things I wanted to say, words that I had kept locked up in my heart, truly hoping to take them to the grave with me. Now, my mind was drawing a blank. I was speechless. I conjured up no philosophical monologue. I made no tearful confessions. I didn't feel sad or scared. I'd come to accept a long time ago that I would be extremely lucky to die in one piece. A bullet to the head would at least be quick and painless, if not a bit disfiguring. But that didn't matter. No one was likely going to see my lifeless corpse. If I was fortunate enough to be buried in a coffin, I was sure the mortician could patch me up and display me nicely. There was really only one thing that I wanted to know before my journey to the next life.

"What will you do with Lee?"

"We're only getting rid of people involved in the business. He's clean. We won't touch him."

"Thank you." I wasn't exactly thanking Sasori for not harming Lee. I was just thankful that once I was gone, he would finally have some sense of order back in his life. He wouldn't have to worry about mob kidnapping or bullets parading through his home. If by chance I would be able to see him again, I would definitely tell him how sorry I was. He was still the worst thing that had ever happened to me. He made me human.

"That's your last thought? Him?"

"Yes."

Sasori scoffed and pushed my head sideway with the gun. I closed my eyes, though I was sure I would snapping them wide open at the immense pain of the bullet making its way through my skull and out the other side.

"Bang!"

My shoulders jerked involuntarily. I guessed I was afraid to die. But my brain substance hadn't spilled across the carpet yet. I was still standing, still breathing, still living. I was alive. I felt the gun lowered from my temple. I turned to look at Sasori. He was walking away. I was expecting him to spin around and shoot me dead. But he walked to the doorway of the lounge. He turned his head slightly back and said two things to me.

"Check the basement and find the Third Kazekage." Then without another word or an explanation, Sasori left the lounge and spared my life.

I ran my fingers through my hair, making sure that there wasn't a hole in my temple. Sasori let me live. I couldn't understand why. As I was trying to figure out why Sasori didn't kill me, three gunshots rang out from the foyer. I peeked out the door. Sasori dropped to the floor with a chef knife lodged in his chest. Chiyo fell on top of him, her body sputtering blood, her hands gripping the handle of the knife.

"You ungrateful son of a bitch!" Chiyo cried out. With her remaining strength, she pushed the knife deeper in Sasori's chest.

Chiyo was already gone when I kneeled down next to Sasori. I should be more careful around the man whose goal was to murder me, but at this moment in time, I could really care less. He tilted his head and smiled at me. It was a genuine smile that restored innocence to his otherwise haunted face.

"Why didn't you kill me?" I asked.

With his last breath, Sasori told me in a hushed whisper, "Because Lee will be sad."

We did understand each other in the end. I wouldn't believe that Sasori hated me. It wasn't me that he wanted to destroy. It was the family that was loathsome. It was the world that we were both born into. We were branded with the old ways of the previous generations. He only wished to boat against the current, fighting against the life that ceaselessly tried to latch onto him. Despite all he had taken from me, I was the one who ended up pitying him.

I made my way down to the basement as he had instructed. Maybe there was a bomb down there and Sasori was sending me to be blown into smithereens. There were four rooms in the basement. One of them was the morgue. One of them was the interrogation room. The other two were for storage. I walked into the morgue with caution and flicked on the ceiling light. There was nothing there; only sterile tables and surgical instruments loitered the room. I checked the interrogation room. A lonely table and two chairs greeted me. I checked the first storage room. The floating dust choked me. The walls were blocked by tall metal shelves and stocked boxes. Whatever I was supposed to be looking for, I didn't think was here. I walked into the last storage room. A quiet coo alerted me that I had found what I was looking for. I flipped on the light.

Karura was lying on the dirty ground and kicking her legs in the air. I hurried over to her and hugged her tight against my chest. She touched my face and tried to pinch my nose. I kissed her cheek over and over again until she made an annoyed cry. I believed that Sasori had hidden her in the basement to spare her from the massacre. Otherwise, how would he know that Karura was in the storage room? My daughter was safe and secured in my arms, but we were still in danger. I didn't know the working of Sasori's organization. Maybe they would come back here and regroup. They weren't going to be very happy when they found Sasori's body instead of mine. I needed to get away, but it would be troublesome to have Karura with me. I needed to find a safe place for her to be at. I headed toward the garage. The garage door was jammed shut by what looked like an explosion. I could see smoke from beneath the gap.

With no car, I walked with Karura in my arms all the way to Konoha.

**--**

Lee's first reaction when he opened the door was to smile brightly at me. But when he saw the distraught condition I was in, he shifted his mood. He wanted me to come in but I rejected the offer. We stayed at the door. I was trying to catch my breath and gather my energy back from the long walk. I had no idea how long I had been walking until I finally reached Lee's apartment.

"What happened?" He noticed the trace of blood on my shirt. They weren't my blood, but he still panicked. "You are hurt!"

"I need you to listen to me very carefully." I took a breath. "For the next few days, stay inside your house. Don't go anywhere."

"I will not."

My lungs were ready to give out. "I need you to do me a favor."

"Anything for you, Gaara."

"I need you to take care of my daughter." I pried Karura off my chest and handed her over to Lee. She started fussing immediately, flailing her arms and kicking her feet. I barely realized that she wasn't wearing shoes.

"Of course I will. What went on in Suna?" He split his attention between me and Karura. He handled her awkwardly, not used to being around infants.

"I can't explain." I caressed his cheek. "I won't be able to see you for a long while, Lee."

"But we finally just got back together! Why are you leaving me again?" He took my hand and kept it alongside his cheek.

"If I had the choice, I would've never left you at all. But trust me, the next time I come back to you, I'll stay for good."

"Is it a promise?"

"Yes."

We sealed the promise with a deep kiss. The last time it was almost three years before I got to kiss him again. The next time, I could only hope that my hair wouldn't have turned grey by then. Absence, perhaps, did make the heart grow fonder. Or it could make someone forget. If Lee were to forget me in my absence, I would understand but I would come and fight for him. I had given him up too easily in the past. He deserved to be my number one. One day, I would give him his rightful throne. One day, I wouldn't have to lose him anymore.

**--**

Sasori told me to find the Third Kazekage. He was the Kage who abandoned his post and thus made my father his successor. From what I had heard, he disappeared from Suna one day without a word. Some speculated that he was assassinated, but we never found his body. Others proposed that he simply grew weary of the mob life and wanted a fresh start. A man who left Suna without a trail, I didn't even know where to begin locating him. I walked my way back to Suna, thinking about everything that had happened. I couldn't help but blame Orochimaru for killing my father. If my father was still alive, I wouldn't be forced to become the Kazekage. Though if there was one thing I learned from the experience, it was that whining didn't get me anywhere. I spent the night back at the house, waiting for someone to show up to finish me off. When day broke and I survived the night, I was determined to make a new life out for myself. I had a lover and a daughter waiting for me. I needed to live for their sake.

I couldn't stay in the house, that was for sure. I packed some essential belongings and mementos. The people who came into my room were all dead; no one would know if anything was missing. I visited Temari and asked her to watch over me. I couldn't bury the bodies. It had to look like I was killed along with everyone else. I had to fake my own death. The easiest method was to presume I was taken away from the house and killed somewhere else. I cut my forearm with a knife and left a trail of blood leading from the living room to the front door. I dabbled bloody fingerprints on the floor so it looked like I was dragged away. I had to lead the police and Akatsuki into believing that I was really dead. After I had set up the house, I left Suna.

By then, I was certain that the news had reached the other Kages. They would, maybe, send a few scouts to asset the situation. If they knew about Akatsuki, they would prepare themselves. If they didn't, they would vie for Suna. We did have a very profitable drug in our territory. I couldn't seek refugee from one of the Kages; I knew they were next on the list to be attacked. I couldn't hide in one of the civilians' home; they might not want me there and it would be too dangerous for their safety. I had to leave and find a place far off the map until everything cooled down. Finding the Third Kazekage was still one of my priorities.

The following month was the hardest month I had ever lived through. I travelled back and forth between places, hitchhiking from people kind enough to give me a ride. I had no definite destination. I never stayed in one place longer than a few days. I used my cash on lodging and food. I paid thugs to find information. I felt loneliness crushing me beneath its tremendous weight. I wanted to run to Lee and see my daughter. The thought of them kept me going until luck finally smiled on me. I had found the man suspected to be the Third Kazekage. He was running a deli in the Land of Waves. I took the first boat to the port city and went to meet him.

The Third Kazekage was in his mid-fifties with a permanent jaded expression. I stood in the middle of his store and observed him while he dealt with a chatty customer. Once the lady left, he turned to me, asking me what he could do for me. I looked to make sure that no one else was in the store or was coming in.

"My name is Gaara. I'm the Fifth Kazekage of Suna."

"Don't you mean you 'were'?" He wiped his hands on his apron and took it off. He came out from behind the counter and gestured me to take a seat by the table. He flipped the Open sign to Close and locked the store door. "I read about what happened to the Family."

"The police don't believe I'm dead. They're still searching for me."

"I see."

"I was… told to find you." I left out Sasori's name. "I hope you can help me."

He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. He began to tell me his life as the Kazekage. He had left Suna, as some rumored, because he was tired of the bloodshed and the meaningless lifestyle. He couldn't be happy knowing that his happiness came at the cost of someone else's sadness. He had nightmares every night. Being a Kage was eating him, killing his spirits slowly. He had to leave it all behind. But it was difficult. People were trying to find him. He had to disappear completely, severing all contacts with people in his old life. He hadn't seen his wife and children in fifteen years. She remarried and had two children with her new husband. He managed to scrap by the days and made a living for himself. But his new life was empty. He kept to himself in fear that someone would find out who he was. The fresh start wasn't as pleasant as he had hoped.

"Do you want to become a nobody?" he asked.

"I can… never see the people I love again?" I asked, like a toddler trying to understand why he couldn't have a second cookie.

"You must throw away your old identity. You can't be Gaara anymore. Gaara is a burden. If you cling onto your past, you will only suffer. Let it go. You must become a new you. The life of a Kage is filled with loss and pain. You must break free from it."

I reverted back to a childish stage and tried to explain myself, like if I did that, I would be given a different option. "I didn't want to be the Kazekage. They made me."

"Forget," he said. "Forget."

I told him I would try. He took me in, treating me like a strayed lamb. I helped out at the deli. I was relieved that I had found a place to live and didn't have to sleep in a different bed every night. But I couldn't forget, like he had told me to. I couldn't forget the sunshine grins of Lee. I couldn't forget the angelic giggles of Karura. I closed my eyes and saw the blood on Temari's stomach. I saw the skeletal frame of Kankuro. I couldn't forget the sugar cookie lip gloss of Matsuri. I couldn't forget who I was or what I had become. I couldn't forget the mistakes I had made or the suffering I had caused. Forgetting would be the coward way out.

"The beginning is the hardest," he told me one day when we were slicing meat. "Then you realize it is for the best and it gets a little easier."

"How long does 'the beginning' last?"

"As long as you make it."

My life in the Land of Waves was simplistic. It was in a poor country. The people were humble and didn't ask for much. It took some time getting used to the blander food and the cheaper products. But it was a tranquil lifestyle that, after everything, was extremely appealing. There wasn't any more business meeting or hits to be planned. Sometimes, I would miss the glamorous life of the Kazekage. In here, people didn't look at me with awe and fear. But whenever I thought about my house, I would only see the bodies piling up.

Two months after I moved to Waves, Konoha was attacked by Akatsuki, as Sasori had revealed. The city, as well as the people, suffered a great loss. Innocent peoples were harmed in the large-scale invasion. The Family seemed to be eliminated. But rumors had it that a blonde man was rebuilding Konoha and he was banding the rest of the survivors. We lived through a period of calm, waiting for the next Kage to be attacked. Then the rest of the Kages fell. Then it was silence. We held our breath and waited to see what would happen next.

That was three years ago.

**--**

I opened the store up one morning to find a thick envelope slipped under the door. It was addressed to me. The envelope didn't have any stamp, so it wasn't mailed to me. Someone came by and dropped it off personally. I couldn't think of anyone in town that would send me mail. I shook and sniffed the envelope out of old habit. It sounded like it was paper inside. I sat down at the table and opened it up. Inside the thick envelope were four smaller envelopes. There was also a slip of note paper. I glanced at it. My heart jumped and I forgot to breathe for a moment. It was a note from Baki. He had heard that I was living here and wished me the best. It wasn't safe to return to Suna yet. When it was, he said he would inform me. I felt very relieved. Even after I had casted him aside, he still cared for my well-being. I was also very thrilled that he survived the massacre. He didn't say where he was right at the moment, but as long as he was safe, I was content.

I put down Baki's note and shook the white envelopes out on the table. Each one of them was addressed to me, but without a mailing address or a stamp. There wasn't a return address on the envelope. I picked one out at random and opened it. I bit my bottom lip. My eyes watered up. They were letters from Lee. I looked at the date at the bottom. This letter was from half a year ago. I tore open the remaining three letters and arranged them by the date. I picked up the oldest one, dated two and a half years ago, and read it.

_My dearest Gaara,_

_It has been six months since I last saw you. I wish I knew where you are right now. Are you eating well? Are you sleeping? The news says you are dead. Are you? I do not believe it. You said you would come back to me. I will be very mad at you if you break your promise. Karura took her first step today! You should be very proud of your daughter. She is a very bright child, though she is a picky eater. She is really taking after you, strong and silent with a little attitude. Her eyes are lovely. Every time I look into them, I feel like I can see you. You may think I am a fool for writing this letter. I do not even have an address to mail it to you. But it eases the pain in my chest… thinking that somehow you can know my thoughts._

_I miss you dearly. Please come back soon._

_Waiting for you,_

_Lee_

I let out my tears and quickly picked up the next letter. Each of them made me cried harder than the last. The most recent letter was dated last month. Three years, and he was still waiting for me. I always used to think that I had the worst luck in the world. But that couldn't be true if I had someone like Lee. He loved me endlessly. I was truly blessed to have him. I was at once overwhelmed with joy and sadness. I didn't know how much longer I had to keep him waiting. I hoped that he would wait for me forever. If I was on my last limb, I would run to him and tell him how much I loved him. I held the letters against my chest, feeling the soothing warmth of his love. I put the letters back into their envelopes and put them in a safe place in my room. I couldn't write him back. If the letter fell in the wrong hands, it would be potentially dangerous. I felt the meaning of my existence refreshed. I had something to look forward to now.

Every now and then, Baki would slip an envelope full of Lee's letters to me. We never saw face-to-face, but he would update me on Suna and what the police were doing or investigating at the moment. They were still looking for me for the murder of Orochimaru. They were also, for some reason, suspecting me to be the culprit of the massacre of my family. I had to stay under the radar. Sooner or later, they would pay a visit to Waves. I didn't know if Baki revealed to Lee that I was still alive but I detected a small change of tone in his letters. He still wrote to me as if I was missing or dead, but there were certain things he wrote that hinted that he knew I was alive.

For the next two years, Lee would write weekly letters to me and update me on his life. Baki would bring them to me every two or three month. I would take an afternoon off to read his letters. Some made me laugh. Others made me cry quietly in my room. But they all kept me strong and going, looking forward to the day when I could return to him.

_Do not forget that you have a family waiting for you here_, he wrote in one of his letters.

I never would.

**--**

**Boyue's Note: Whew! That took a long time. So this is the last chapter! There is a short epilogue up next. I'm too tired to write it right now. This took almost 5 hours to write. o.o;;**

**Wow, what a journey we've been through. But don't leave until you've read the epilogue. D**

**12.20.08**

**2:14 AM**


	21. Epilogo

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Gaara's POV.**

**Here we go… the EPIC-logue.**

**--**

**STIGMA**

**Epilogo**

I was twenty-three when my father died and I first became the Kazekage. Now, ten years later, I have seen more in the decade than most people would've seen in their entire life. I have seen death, have caused it, and have survived it. I saw people I love murdered before my eyes and I murdered others to avenge them. I have gone from a naïve college graduate to the most powerful man in Suna and to a nobody with nothing, not even an identity. Many things have happened in the ten years. I disowned my sister and made amend with her on her deathbed. I bonded with my brother and pulled the plug on him. I killed a man, quite gruesomely, with my own hands. I made a friend who betrayed me but I forgave him at the end. I have a daughter whom I haven't seen in five years. I made many---too many---mistakes. I have regrets that I can't begin to count. I have guilt that torments my waking hours. My life in those years was unpredictable, always taking turns that I could not see coming. But throughout the turbulent years, there has always been one constant: I have Rock Lee in my life.

I had three shoeboxes full of letters, cards, and photographs from him. He sent me pictures of himself with Karura; she is growing up to be such a lovely child. I had a half-full album with her pictures: first day of kindergarten, her birthdays, her first ice-cream, her first bike… events that I should've witnessed with my own eyes instead of staring a lifeless photograph. I locked them all away in the corner of my room, in fear that someone might find them. I couldn't keep their picture with me. If something happened to me, I couldn't have people looking into who they are. I've put their lives in enough danger before I disappeared. In the five years that I had vanished from their lives, they had enjoyed a peaceful existence. No one burst into their home and kidnapped them. No one put guns to their heads and threatened them. No one harassed them. No one stalked them and observed them from afar. They had a normal life, one that I couldn't have possibly given them. Nonetheless, I latched onto Lee's loving words, delighting in the fact that he still loves me dearly. He still wants me to return to his home and shares his remaining life with me… only me. I made a promise to myself and him: I will return to him one day, and when I do, I won't ever leave again.

Akatsuki, the organization that single-handedly took down the five Kages, was disbanded by the government. Its members, those surviving after their laborious sacrifices, were being tried for crime against humanity. The government denied having anything to do with them. Akatsuki was, in the official press release, a criminal organization which actions were so atrocious that it must be punished by the law to the full extend. The members were given death penalty. After the damages they had done, I was sure that they could easily fight their way out. But maybe they felt that their life mission had been completed, none of them resisted arrested. They waited in the jail cell, patiently embracing their imminent death. The good news was that I no longer had to worry about an Akatsuki finding me and finishing me off. I had lived in fear of them for five years. When the judge announced the sentence, I took a long breath of relief.

With Akatsuki out of the picture, I only had to worry about the police. They had been looking for me to indict me for the murder of Orochimaru. They found my hair on his hospital gown. They didn't have a DNA match but, like I said, there weren't many redheads in Suna. With Sasori dead, I was the only suspect. The witnesses that saw me that night were too scared to testify, even though the Family was gone. They still thought that something would happen if they pointed me out. I could only be thankful that we were still a fearsome household name.

Baki's visit to Waves diminished over the months due to his failing health. All the smoking and drinking were finally taking its toll on his weary body. He brought me Lee's letters every half a year now. The rest of the time, he spent going in and out of the hospital. Baki didn't have a family, which meant he had no one to rely on as he aged. He wrote to me in one of his notes that he wished he had a son to take care of him.

_Don't die alone, Gaara_, he warned me. I don't plan to, I wanted to tell him, but he had already moved into the hospital. I stopped getting Lee's letters and news about what the Suna police were doing. I was clueless. Panic set in. I worried daily about what was happening to Baki. He had watched over me over the years. The least I could do for him was not to let him die alone in a hospital room. I had to go back to Suna. If the police were waiting for me at the border with guns, then so be it. I was going home.

**--**

I arrived at Suna four days later. The place had changed. There were new buildings and shops occupying the roads. There were new people roaming the streets. I kept a low profile but I could feel that people's eyes were falling on me as I walked my way to the hospital. It had a new wing and had been remodeled. With illegal businesses gone, money returned to the people's hands. I headed to Baki's room that he shared with three other patients. They were all about his age and all had heart problems. I slipped through the drawn privacy curtain. Baki's room in the house was the size of a standard living room. Now, he was spending his ill days in a tiny cubicle. The bathtub in my old house was bigger than his space. His eyes were closed and he didn't know that it was me. He thought I was a nurse.

"I don't need anything right now, miss. Why don't you leave me be?" His voice was breathless and tired.

"I'm sorry," wasn't the right words, but it was the first thing that came out of my mouth.

He lifted open his eyelids and tilted his head. He blinked to make sure that he wasn't seeing things. He didn't say my name. I helped him sit up. He had aged a lot in the short years. I could tell that he was battling hard against his illness.

"You're all grown up now. I remember you when you were this big." He gestured the size of an infant with his hands.

"You told me not to cry to you when I'm nothing but a broken man, but… I don't listen well."

"Oh, I don't care about that anymore." He patted his chest. "This is my worry now."

"I… really am sorry."

"You were a kid. You had to learn the hard knocks. The important thing is that you grew from it. I can tell you're a different man now." He put his hand on my shoulder. His skin was wrinkled and his veins were green. "You're strong. You can make it through anything."

"I need you." It was my subtle way of saying 'please don't die'.

"Oh, bullshit. You're a big boy. You don't need me holding you up." He scoffed and gave me a playful smack on the cheek. "Hey, hey, I'm not dead yet."

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

"You can pick me up one of those fruit baskets. I'm craving for some oranges."

I left the hospital and headed over to the market a gift basket. I had a lot of money in the bank but I couldn't touch them. A dead person couldn't return money from his bank account. And without a legal death certificate, Karura couldn't receive my inheritance. Fortunately, I had put Lee on my will and as Karura's legal guardian in the event of my death. As soon as I was legally dead, all the money would go to them. I survived on what I made in the deli shop. I had never worked a day before in my life prior to it, and there was a strong satisfaction to know that I was working for my own money. I brought the oranges and went back to peel them for Baki. We sat and talked for a long while until visiting hours were over. Before I left, Baki told me the best piece of news.

"Orochimaru's case is going to get closed soon. Wait it out."

**--**

As Baki had told me, the case was closed about three months later. I read about it in the newspapers. From my past experience, I took into consideration that it could be a trap to get me to show my face. So I waited, very impatiently, for another three months. I didn't visit Baki. I kept a very low profile in Waves. I was non-existing to the rest of the world. Then I found my obituary in the newspapers. There was going to be a candlelight vigil in Suna in my memories. Some people still idealized the Kazekage live enough to keep my memories alive. I wondered how Lee would react. I hoped he wouldn't think it was true. While I waited to be officially dead, I prepared myself for a long awaited visit to Konoha. I felt like a girl on her first date. I didn't know what to wear. All my clothes looked ugly. My shoes were dirty. My pants were too short. Naturally, I went shopping for a new outfit. I knew that Lee wouldn't care how I look, but I wanted to make a good impression, especially on Karura. I wondered if she would remember me.

Finally, after five years and seven months, I stepped foot in Konoha. There was a new atmosphere surrounding the place. It was livelier than before, but it felt somewhat forced. It felt like the people were trying to restart their lives after Akatsuki's attack by blatantly pretending that it didn't happen. There was a hollow happiness on the people's face. They were scared and traumatized, but they didn't want to confront their demons. They happily lived not living at all.

I went to Lee's apartment and stood at the door for ten minutes before I had the courage to ring the bell. The wait for him to open the door felt like light-years. I had never been more nervous in my life. My stomach turned like I was falling out of a plane without a parachute and heading straight for a mountain spike. I adjusted my new outfit, making sure that the shirt was wrinkle-free, the pants didn't have any crease, and my shoes were buffed to reflect. I heard the door unlocked and the knob turned. I swallowed hard and anticipated an over-the-top reaction from Lee.

"Uh… Can I help you?" The teenager who opened the door asked with a frown.

I slapped myself over and over for not checking if Lee had moved. It was a one-bedroom apartment and if he was taking care of Karura, it seemed reasonable to find a new place. I walked away without saying a word. The current tenant cursed behind my back and slammed the door. If I went to the city hall, maybe I could find Lee's current address. Konoha was too big of a place for me to go door-to-door. I checked my watch. It was Wednesday and school was almost let out. Lee said that Karura started her first year of elementary school. I figured that if I went to the school, I could be able to find her. Luckily, there was only one elementary school in Konoha.

I arrived across the school just in time to see the children let out. There must have been three hundreds of them rushing out of the school ground. The children blended perfectly into a sea of white and red in their standardized uniform. I had no idea how I was supposed to spot out Karura in the crowd. I scanned my eyes from one girl to the next. It was nearly impossible to tell them from each other. Konoha parents must have an obsession with dressing their children alike. I waited alongside other parents. The crowd of children thinned out. About fifteen children lingered by the front entrance with a teacher supervising them.

When my eyes landed on Karura, I knew it was her. It wasn't simply because of the pictures. There was a natural link between father and daughter. It was as if there was an invisible umbilical cord tying us to each other. Her eyes, a precious aquamarine, glowed like the halo of an angel. The camera did not do her justice. Her hair was tied into two braids and she wore orange legwarmers, a sharp contrast to her white and red uniform. She stared around, scrutinizing her surrounding like a radar. Her sight landed at my direction. There was an instant acknowledgement. She pushed herself off the fence and stalked toward me. I never thought I would be intimidated by my five-year-old daughter, but I was. Her expression was cold and stoic, interested in everything but fascinated by nothing. Her look said she'd seen it all. She was fearless and bolder than her peers. She stood in front of me, her arms crossed over her chest. Her chin lifted up, as if she was trying to look down on me, whom was significantly taller than she was.

"Are you my father?" Her voice was crisp with a tough undertone; nothing like what a child should sound like.

"I am." I kneeled down in front of her, resisting the urge to hug her. I didn't get the feeling that Karura was the affectionate kind. "Do you remember me?"

"I've seen your pictures around the house." She moved her eyes up and down. "Where have you been?"

"It's a long story. I'll tell you when you're older." I couldn't believe how mature she sounded. What happened to her high giggles and glass-breaking screams?

"You can tell me now." She lowered her head and glared her eyes up at me, as if daring me to defy her demand.

"I had to be away for a while, but I'm back now. That's what matters."

"Is that so? Hmph."

"Yes. I wouldn't lie to you." I reached out and hesitantly put my hands on her shoulders. She glanced at them but didn't shrug them off. "Where is your… dad, Karura?"

"He's right behind you."

I stood up immediately and turned around. I felt him crushing me in a heart-breaking embrace. I wrapped my arms behind his shoulders and pulled him as close as our bodies would allow. His hot breath ran down my neck. I ran my fingers through his hair, silky as always. His scent filled up my nostrils and travelled to every inch of my body through the bloodstream. I felt him tickling the core of my stomach. I could be with him like this for two thousand years and it wouldn't be long enough. He was the one who pulled away first. He held my face in his hands. His smile, like the golden orb of sun, illuminated my life again. He brushed his thumbs against my cheeks. His eyes, colored with unfathomable depth of love and longing, pierced through my soul.

"Welcome back," he whispered softly for only the two of us to hear.

We kissed. My mind exploded with the endless spectrum of colors. He seeped into my soul and lifted me high like I was soaring through the clouds in heaven. It was a chaste and innocent kiss, a solemn dedication that we would outlast everything else. When the end day comes, the last thing the world will know of is Gaara and Rock Lee's love. We pulled away from each other. Air refilled the chambers of our lungs. I put a gentle hand on his face.

"I'm home."

I will never leave again.

**LA FINE.**

**--**

**WOO! IT'S FINISHED! We can all move on with our lives now! Ahem, I want to thank my readers and my reviewers. You lovelies kept me going and make me feel like that I wasn't wasting my time writing about anime boys and their gay love. A very special thanks to: **JunebugXD, Batty Angel, Darkling221, yggdrasilxxx, cruixe, Green Beast of Oita, **and** Rockleerox93**.**

**I'll be writing a commentary about the whole fiction on my LJ. I'm too tired to write it now. So hop on over (and FRIEND ME!) if you're interested in knowing what went on in the mind of Boyue while she was plotting this fiction. I've also put up a list of upcoming projects. **

**Next up, I'll be working on the one-shot for each of you. Look forward to that. =)**

**Thanks again for your continuous support and I hope you'll keep reading my work! Until next time!**

**With lots and lots of love,**

**Boyue**

**12.21.08**

**7:35 PM**


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